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Poetry Magnum Opus

Rathpiper castle


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eclipse

Sky of mirrors, clouds of bone, symmetry of an architect waiting to be born. Moonlight imperceptibly massages stone, the weight of the moon's reflection on water the fate of the labourers bloody fingerprints on sand as he moves material for the construction of rathpiper castle, the worker sees himself in a watchtower in a fortress surrounding the moon watching the lives of those in Rathdowney fall.

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I love "sky of mirrors" and "clouds of bone." I also looked at some images of Rathdowney, particularly THIS one and THIS one and wondered what the lives of its inhabitants might be like.

Tony

Here is a link to an index of my works on this site: tonyv's Member Archive topic

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  • 3 weeks later...
On 5/30/2020 at 9:21 AM, eclipse said:

Sky of mirrors, clouds of bone, symmetry
of an architect waiting to be born. Moonlight
imperceptibly massages stone,
the weight of the moon's
reflection on water
the fate of the laborer's bloody fingerprints
on sand as he moves material
for the construction of Rathpiper Castle,
the worker sees himself in a watchtower
in a fortress surrounding the moon
watching the lives of those in Rathdowney fall.

More technical problems?   This is where I would  break the lines.

Love the bloody fingerprints.

~~Judi

~~ © ~~ Poems by Judi Van Gorder ~~

For permission to use this work you can write to Tinker1111@icloud.com

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David W. Parsley

Fascinating prose poem, Barry.  Lots of non-prosy rhythm, especially in the early going, as well as internal rhyme.  I endorse Tinker's proposal to confess the obvious strain of versification and introduce some appropriate line breaks.  Different choices would reveal the rhymes more explicitly.  Might be worth a try.

I, too, like the imagery.  "Clouds of bone" did not work right out of the chute for me, but the image grew on me, especially as I began to consider the metaphorical value.

Nice!
 - David

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