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The technical details of inserting oneself into the day


dr_con

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The technical details of inserting oneself into the day
Con/Jur/d 6/22/2020

In comparison to -

the buzz of Housefly,
uncaring of his domestic rank,
bathing in daybreak’s chanted
sonic vibration, his heliotropic
drive to escape into the light, to thrive
to multiply in long rise and fall in a brief-
brief life frustrated by happenstance,
soon after-egg, attracted by the 8’000
illuminations of crosshatched fields
stainless steel heavens above
a radiant silica earth below, 
a desert world isolated
by opaque plastic 
horizons; resonates 
without ever asking,

“What is this?”

- our news of the self,
causes a rude and rough
awakening.
 

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Juris, this has so much good in it! The title tantalizes. The shape intrigues.

I like the capitalization of "Housefly," as if it were a character in an Aesop's fable.

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uncaring of his domestic rank

Nice!

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daybreak’s chanted
sonic vibration

More nice!

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his heliotropic
drive to escape into the light

How interesting to describe an animal, rather than a plant, as heliotropic. "Escape into the light"--vivid!

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the 8’000
illuminations of crosshatched fields

I assume this refers to flowers in fields as seen by flies? Not "8,000"?

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stainless steel heavens above

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a radiant silica earth below

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a desert world isolated
by opaque plastic 
horizons

What cool images! You seem to have an uncanny ability to imagine the world through a fly's eyes!

But I lost the train of your sentence beginning "In comparison to--." In comparison to the buzz of Housefly, etc., what? "Resonates without ever asking..."? Your ending sounds important but I'm not sure what it's driving at!

Much enjoyed overall nonetheless!

 

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TY. Glad you read deep and had fun- OK so 8'000 is a reference to the 4'000 lenses they have per eye;-) I thought my reintroduction of punctuation might clear up some of my 'obscure' over the head BS.- Before I answer Have you read it outloud? Think that my clarify the opening comparison. LMK.

Many Thanks for the deep read!

J

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Hi Juris,

As always, the angles you write focus the perspectives. Amusing, that the fly experience is unweighted by human concerns, gets on with living nature's impulses, whereas we are outward polluting, inward scarring...our news of the self a realisation of the damage.

That's what I read anyway!

all the best

Phil

 

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A remarkably pleasing read, Juris, which presents with the resonance of Larkin's "High Windows" (caution: explicit). I know it's a lazy way, but I work best with examples, and when I liken a member's poem to a favorite poet's work(s), I mean it as a highest compliment. Of course, our members here are all among my favorite poets!

Tony 😊

Here is a link to an index of my works on this site: tonyv's Member Archive topic

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OK so 8'000 is a reference to the 4'000 lenses they have per eye;-)

Okay; that leaves my question, why not "8,000"?

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I thought my reintroduction of punctuation might clear up some of my 'obscure' over the head BS.

It helps greatly! I'm awed that you have considered this a worthwhile effort and that you admit to the presence of a certain degree of obscurity in some of your previous works--and, to top it off, that you even term said obscurity "BS"!! 😆 Now there are just a few places where commas would technically be called for but are not present (e.g., after "thrive" in "to thrive/to multiply.") And I'd submit that no comma is needed after "self" in the last stanza. 

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Before I answer Have you read it outloud? Think that my clarify the opening comparison. LMK.

I just did, although that's not what made my light bulb go on just now...visually scanning the poem as a whole, I finally saw that the phrase at the beginning before the first dash continues after the second dash, close to the end. Needless to say, there is a lot in between those two dashes that could make a reader lose the connection, which is what happened to me. But I'm thrilled to see that the connection is there! 🥳

 

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