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Thirteen-eight° up on the pole
where birds fly by from wire to wire,
and you are up there, higher math,
while I am down here high on crack
(I mainline smack). Don’t need a dust-
mask, need a hockey helmet. Birds fly by.
_____________
° 13,800 volts, a common voltage on the pole

 

 

 

(original version)

Thirteen-eight up on the wire
and bird fly by from wire to wire
and you are up there higher math
while I am down here high on crack
I mainline smack don’t need a dust-
mask need a hockey helmet bird fly by. 

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hi Tony

A poem playing with distances, destructive behaviours and serrated intensities of uneven relationships. Or perhaps I'm filtering my own baggage on this one😀 and the poem is more being grounded and flying high (without/with substance abuse). Either way love the thirteen eight opening note.

will ponder

Phil

 

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On 9/30/2020 at 1:34 PM, badger11 said:

hi Tony

A poem playing with distances, destructive behaviours and serrated intensities of uneven relationships. Or perhaps I'm filtering my own baggage on this one😀 and the poem is more being grounded and flying high (without/with substance abuse). Either way love the thirteen eight opening note.

will ponder

Phil

 

Thank you, Phil! And I would suggest it's a poem that focuses on contrasts between the "you" and the "I."

Tony

Here is a link to an index of my works on this site: tonyv's Member Archive topic

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JoelJosol

I like the contrast presented in parallelism, "up there higher math" and "down here high on crack". 

I also love the intended alliteration of h's and r's and the sound of "ah" across the line. 

I enjoyed the images associated with "smack" and "hockey helmet".

"Words are not things, and yet they are not non-things either." - Ann Lauterbach

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Thank you, Joel, for your kind reply.

On 10/4/2020 at 12:45 AM, JoelJosol said:

I enjoyed the images associated with "smack" and "hockey helmet".

Good one! I didn't catch that.

Tony

Here is a link to an index of my works on this site: tonyv's Member Archive topic

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On 10/4/2020 at 2:20 PM, dr_con said:

Lovely juxtapositions. A real treat, stumbled on hokey helmet, not sure why? 😉

 

Lovely Tony!

 

Thank you, Juris! It's not my magnum opus, but we'll let it ride on PMO!

Tony 😀

Here is a link to an index of my works on this site: tonyv's Member Archive topic

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Messing around with an alternate version. This one has punctuation.

 

           You 

Thirteen-eight up on the pole
where birds fly by from wire to wire,
and you are up there, higher math,
while I am down here high on crack
(I mainline smack). Don’t need a dust-
mask, need a hockey helmet. Birds fly by.

Here is a link to an index of my works on this site: tonyv's Member Archive topic

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  • 5 weeks later...

Better, more intelligible.

Has anyone guessed that this poem is about me? 😂 I didn't!

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21 hours ago, A. Baez said:

Better, more intelligible.

I thought you had said that intelligible was overrated? 😏 Anyway, thanks for bumping this; I had forgotten there were things I wanted to do with it: I wanted to post the revised (i.e. punctuated) version in the first post and add the poem to my Member Archive topic.

21 hours ago, A. Baez said:

Has anyone guessed that this poem is about me? 😂 I didn't!

Well, that's because you know that I'm always praising you wherever I post, that I worship the ground you garden. 🛐 You're just so used to it that you didn't see it! 

Here is a link to an index of my works on this site: tonyv's Member Archive topic

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I thought you had said that intelligible was overrated?

I thought that was you. 😀

Quote

Anyway, thanks for bumping this; I had forgotten there were things I wanted to do with it: I wanted to post the revised (i.e. punctuated) version in the first post and add the poem to my Member Archive topic.

Good! Which category will it wind up in? Or have you taken my advice and eliminated those categories?

Quote

I worship the ground you garden. 🛐

Aww, that's sweet. You know, you worship a lot of ground, then! ☺️

Quote

You're just so used to it that you didn't see it!

I think it has more to do with the fact that I never conceived of being represented as "higher math" perched on an electrical wire--nor do I ("Coast" aside) readily imagine you as a crackhead! 🤪 I do like the electrical reference in this poem and think that electricity could be a compelling source of inspiration and material for future poems of yours, since you're intimately familiar with this subject and it adds a touch of special color.

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I repeat,

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Good! Which category will it wind up in? Or have you taken my advice and eliminated those categories?

 

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