eclipse Posted October 23, 2020 Share Posted October 23, 2020 After the slumber of a thousand christmases i woke in a forest as the earth’s guest, i received the news about the masses, from the oaks and the dispossessed. fireflies weaved stories of comets and crucifixes out of light carried by the subtle winds of the fireflies flight i passed through the dream of each dreamer on a christmas night,i scattered the embers of a comet and splinters from a crucifix,i became a cathedral of eternal regret for faithless prayers searching for an outlet. on the twenty fifth day i passed over rooftops and waited to hear the caroling of a name, i heard emptiness echoed in the plastic flames of synthetic coal fires and synthetic desires,a robin with a broken wing he sang and sang until his heart stopped beating… Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tonyv Posted November 7, 2020 Share Posted November 7, 2020 Lots to love in this one, Barry. The narrator presents as someone who has been around for ages. He's timeless, having slept "a thousand Christmases," and thus, he's detached, an observer: "Earth's guest." I like how you maintain and expand the fire metaphor from beginning to end, from fireflies to embers to "the plastic flames of synthetic coal fires" which you, in turn, liken to "synthetic desires." "I became a cathedral of eternal regret for faithless prayers searching for an outlet" is especially relevant in a seemingly materialistic, godless era. All of it leads to that unexpected, heart-wrenching depiction of the robin. Tony Quote Here is a link to an index of my works on this site: tonyv's Member Archive topic Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
David W. Parsley Posted November 9, 2020 Share Posted November 9, 2020 Barry, one feels there is nothing to add after experiencing this tour-de-force. It is a bleak vision delivered by a persona passing like an emptied Santa Claus or Dickensian spirit doomed to view our (thank you, Tony) uncannily godless era that (in this vision) must expire without song, without redemption. Plaudits, - David Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
eclipse Posted November 9, 2020 Author Share Posted November 9, 2020 Thanks tony..and good to see you David...how do you feel about the election... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
David W. Parsley Posted November 10, 2020 Share Posted November 10, 2020 Truth? Very much relieved. But I feel for those who are disappointed. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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