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eclipse
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eclipse

I could hear the
Earth singing when
I was in my mother's womb,
Angels danced on
Her stomach. I was
Taught to
Sing and play, I dreamt
About ice sculptures
Caroling about their
Mortality, winds with
Amnesia made no
Sound. Is the sun
The music box
Of a remote deity reflecting 
About completing an
Unfinished earth.
Incantations were left
For me to find, winter's
Deputies whistled through
Watchtower windows.
 

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dcmarti1

Reflecting about "completing an unfinished earth." That's simply wonderful and, for me, even liturgical. Nice.

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Barry, this is excellent, one of your best. My favorite parts are the mention of the ice sculptures "caroling about their mentality," and most of all, the "winds with amnesia" that have forgotten to make a noise.

I wonder if the sun might be better compared to a lens, a telescope of sorts. It might be more appropriate than the music box.

Tony

Here is a link to an index of my works on this site: tonyv's Member Archive topic

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  • 2 weeks later...
David W. Parsley

Add me to the list of admirers for this one, Barry.  I agree that this is one of your best.  Nary a misstep, from this reader's viewpoint.  I even like the music-box sun, as being more startling, more in consonance with the poem's sonic themes than some other possible choices, a source of music in the deity's creation, yet set to that deity's pre-expectations.  Which begs the old question going back to Materialist philosophies as recent as Logical Positivism and as ancient as Lucretius and Aristotle's Prime Mover.  I think Bergson and other thinker's would question this model, as well, but it is within the poet's purview to ask!

The only thing I wonder, is if it could be made even more terrific by returning to the persona that initiated all this melody and counterpoint.  What does he have to say about French Symbolist romp and the music he was conceived and born to?

Very, very nice!
 - Dave

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