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Poetry Magnum Opus

Fullmoon o'er my room


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Fullmoon o'er my room-
Her soft light running o'er
My window,
Overfilling its sill.

A Splash across its
Pan, a threshold
Of vaporishness
As attar attached
To the wafts of air,

Into the black nostrils
Of the drizzling cosmos,
'Tis blackness not the sun
Singeing me with fondness.
I condense and condense till
 I disperse........ ,spray..... through
The infinite........ distance........ and
 ...........The soleless space........

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Terry A

Using the word ‘o’er’ twice, weakens the first two lines. Plus it’s not really ‘blackness’ when it’s a poem about the light of the moon; more about the lights that night has. Suggest ending the poem at “Singeing me with fondness”; as the following lines are too abstract to ground meaning in any but the new age ways so nebulous in the preceding decades. The poem is worth a rewrite.


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