Jump to content
Poetry Magnum Opus
  • Announcements

    • tonyv

      Registration -- to join PMO ***UPDATED INSTRUCTIONS***   03/14/2017

      Automatic registration has been disabled. If you would like to join the Poetry Magnum Opus online community, use the "Contact Us" link at the bottom of this page and follow these instructions: 1. Check your email (including your spam folder) in a timely fashion for a reply. 2. After you receive a reply, use the "Sign Up" link at the top right corner of the page to create your account. Do this fast. I've lost my patience with people who use the "Contact Us" link to express interest in joining and then don't bother to check their email for a reply and don't bother to join after registration has been enabled. The queue fills up fast with spammers, and I have to spend my time sifting through the rubbish to delete them. The window of opportunity for joining will be short. I will not have my time wasted. If you don't check your email and you don't bother registering promptly, you will find that registration has been disabled and your future requests to join may go ignored. /s/ Tony ___________________ [Registration will only be enabled for a short while from the time your message is received, so please check your email for a reply and register within 12 hours of using the "Contact Us" link. (Be sure to check your spam folder if you don't see a reply to your message.)]
    • tonyv

      IMPORTANT: re Logging In to PMO ***Attention Members***   03/15/2017

      For security purposes, please use your email address when logging in to the site. This will prevent your account from being locked when malicious users try to log in to your account using your publicly visible display name. If you are unable to log in, use the "Contact Us" link at the bottom of the page.
    • tonyv

      Blogs   05/01/2017

      Blogs are now accessible to Guests. Guests may read and reply to blog entries. We'll see how this works out. If Guest participation becomes troublesome, I'll disable Guest access. Members are encouraged to make use of the PMO Members' Promotional Blog to promote their published works. Simply add your latest entry to the blog. Include relevant information (your name or screen name, poem title, periodical name, hyperlink to the site where published, etc). If you have a lot of them and feel you need your own blog, let me know, and I will try to accommodate you. Members are encouraged to continue also posting their promotional topics in the Promotions forum on the board itself which is better suited for archiving promotions.
Tinker

Brothers

Recommended Posts

I have almost completed my research of the techniques, devices, genres and forms of poetry around the world. I have only 3 left. So I am now on a quest to find or write a poem as an example in each of the patterns or inspirations that I have written about so I will probably be posting more poems here.

My latest example poem, a tripod, not always high poetry but honing the skills.

Brothers

Bonded by
boredom punctuated
with fear, born in a Humvie rattling
through some Stone Age village
called Amrut.

Weapons aimed
while scruffy children play
in rubble from yesterday's air strike.
Young soldiers in Kevlar
watch shadows.

No wheat fields
or big city subways,
the only thing like home is the guy
next to you. Only he
has your back.
              ---Judi Van Gorder

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

For something that's just practice, I'd say this one's accomplished, Tinker. The images are moving. My favorites are

 

Young soldiers in kevlar

watch shadows

 

and

 

No wheat fields

or big city subways,

the only thing like home is the guy

next to you ...

The form and content seem perfectly matched, and, in addition to the syllabic meter, you handle the tripod's "relationships between men" criteria quite well.

 

Tony

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Hi, Tink. You are doing an amazing job. I am proud of our archive that we have on our board, thanks to you. I was always thinking that the well accomplished form (with the rules) doesn't go together with a wonderful poem, at the same time. Maybe because the poet in me refuse to look closer to the forms :). But, I know I am wrong, and I proved myself that after reading many poem from you, and few others here, who writes poetry in specific form, to which I applaud and put my hat down.

 

In this poem, I loved this expression a lot:

 

Young soldiers in kevlar

watch shadows.

 

Thank you and good luck with the rest of your journey :). Making a poem for each of the forms, wow, sounds very hard. You tell us, how it goes.

 

Aleksandra

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Hi TInk,

 

Like Tony and Aleksandra I too find your use of this form admirable. This is a very effective closure:

 

 

the only thing like home is the guy

next to you. Only he

has your back.

 

 

Thank you.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Weapons aimed

while scruffy children play

in rubble from yesterday's air strike.

Young soldiers in kevlar

watch shadows.

 

yes, here too, much like this work-- the stanza above most esp.

 

for this one line though,

 

with fear, born in a Humvie rattling

 

it is the fear itself that is born in the Humvie, yes?

 

then is the comma right to indicate that? with the comma, Im left to wonder a bit longer than I wanted to, what it was that was being born in a Humvie-- without the comma, Im reading it right away that the fear was born... is this the intent?

 

or is it the bond that was born in the Humvie?

 

see, I really like using the line breaks for my reading of a work-- I USE them as I see them-- and so, without the comma, the linebreak gives a nice tang to the sound of my voice as I read it-- with the comma, I skip a bit in my throat at the line break...

 

for me--

 

I get that you and others may be doing something with it quite different

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Hi Tony, Thanks for seeing the connection with the form criteria. Sometimes I have to wonder about some of these invented forms I find on the internet, some seem just stupid but they do present different challenges. I liked writing this one. I am not a fan of war but I am a fan of the soldier.

 

~~Tink

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Hi Aleks, you are too generous with your praise. I am flattered thank you. We all write in form everytime we write a poem, It is just that some of us are more aware than others. Free form is no less a form than a sonnet.

 

~~Tink

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Hi GL, Thanks for taking the time to read and comment. The closure was the whole point of the poem. Thanks for getting it.

 

~~Tink

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Hi Rumi, Hmmmm you give me something to ponder. I didn't really plan on putting much more into this one. BUT your point about the comma has me thinking.............

 

OK it is the brotherhood that bonded and was born.......... in the Humvie, not the fear. That is why the comma. Bonded, born . . . .

 

but if I have to explain then I didn't do a very good job with my lines and I need to see if I can communicate within the form's perameters. Counting syllables is a lot easier than counting metric feet. ~~smile~~

 

Thanks for the comments.

 

~~Tink

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Please sign in to comment

You will be able to leave a comment after signing in



Sign In Now

×

Important Information

By using this site, you agree to our Guidelines.