dr_con Posted December 30, 2010 Share Posted December 30, 2010 The Smallest Thing Up early drinking coffee reading poetry rolling a smoke before I sit practicing nothing nothing to practice but a rough guide this wanting to wake fully engaged in this game this living Let me be free of the wrongs and rights the story of not choosing the weak pre-dawn light the cracked cup with the proud rooster the mess on my desk the discomforts of love the shelf of straw hats and white clothes above riotous jumbles of colors discarded tools awaiting their ecstatic fate as symbols those fusions between animals and gods The moment shouts Too much Too much just return to the beginning heart’s reason for seeking the question suspended the origin of words liberation may depend on this choice to get up early drink coffee write poetry roll a smoke and sit only to practice a small thing. Quote thegateless.org Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tonyv Posted December 30, 2010 Share Posted December 30, 2010 I suppose it is the small everyday rituals that keep us in "this living." Good to see you, Juris. Tony :D Quote Here is a link to an index of my works on this site: tonyv's Member Archive topic Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lake Posted December 30, 2010 Share Posted December 30, 2010 Hi Dr_con, The smallest thing is actually the baggiest thing - fully engaged in this living. I also like how the ending comes back to the beginning, making it a circle, a circle of our lives. Thanks for the thoughtful read. Lake Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
badger11 Posted December 30, 2010 Share Posted December 30, 2010 (edited) hi Dr C. I enjoyed the engaging simplicities of your poem: Up early drinking coffee reading poetry rolling a smoke before I sit practicing nothing nothing to practice but a rough guide this wanting to wake fully engaged in this game this living but then I felt distanced by the declarative: Let me be free of the wrongs and rights and having to sift through the clutter of: the story of not choosing---------------opened my mind the weak pre-dawn light the cracked cup with the proud rooster the mess--------------closed it again on my desk the discomforts of love the shelf of straw hats and white clothes above riotous jumbles of colors discarded tools awaiting their ecstatic fate as symbols--------opened my mind those fusions between animals and gods The moment shouts Too much Too much----------an echo of Eliot, which I like just return to the beginning heart's reason for seeking the question suspended----closed my mind the origin of words liberation may depend on this choice to get up early drink coffee write poetry roll a smoke and sit Loved the ending. You do work the reader, so please disregard my whinging! Or perhaps this reader is not lazy, but just needs a few directional props - like punctuation? badge Edited December 30, 2010 by badger11 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dr_con Posted January 6, 2011 Author Share Posted January 6, 2011 Thanks Tony- A bit on the too busy madness side these days, without good reason- But good to see you all. Thank You Lake! And Badge- Thank you for the close read and excellent engagement- Your reading reflects the change in perception I was playing with including the loss/gain of attention;-) As to the punctuation- I may return to it at some time :icon_redface: But currently enjoying playing the way Merwin does- By no means as adeptly, but it does have its own discipline- Many, many thanks all! Hope to catch up soonish;-) DC&J Quote thegateless.org Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
goldenlangur Posted January 7, 2011 Share Posted January 7, 2011 Hi DC, I love the sparseness of your first stanza and the closure is fabulous - your poem evokes the Zen sense of being in the moment and seeing beauty and meaning in the ordinary things of life. Thank you. Quote goldenlangur Even a single enemy is too many and a thousand friends too few - Bhutanese saying. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Aleksandra Posted January 15, 2011 Share Posted January 15, 2011 Juris, I loved this poem. Simplicity makes this poem succeed. You have made some good symbiosis with the lines. I have kind of similar rituals when I up early. But that is very few times, not so often I am up that early :). Thanks for sharing. Aleksandra Quote The poet is a liar who always speaks the truth - Jean Cocteau History of Macedonia Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tinker Posted January 16, 2011 Share Posted January 16, 2011 Hi DC, This was such an easy read, I loved it. I felt totally at home and related to the mood, the surroundings and the appreciation of the smallest things. Thanks. ~~Tink Quote ~~ © ~~ Poems by Judi Van Gorder ~~ For permission to use this work you can write to Tinker1111@icloud.com Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Benjamin Posted January 18, 2011 Share Posted January 18, 2011 I enjoyed the way this eases into a conglomeration of urgent morning thought patterns, which seem to prod and poke like a sharp stick, before giving way to the constraints of reality. Benjamin Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dedalus Posted January 18, 2011 Share Posted January 18, 2011 (edited) I got the sense of this one immediately ... all those lists of things in the middle followed by a simple return to the opener, the waking, the coffee, the roll up, the possible promise ('damn all the clutter!') of the day ahead. I haven't commented on your poems for a while not really knowing what to say although I read them religiously. This one really struck a chord. Very very nicely done!! Edited January 18, 2011 by dedalus Quote Drown your sorrows in drink, by all means, but the real sorrows can swim Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dr_con Posted January 26, 2011 Author Share Posted January 26, 2011 Thanks All! I appreciate the feedback- Been a bit off of late but things are looking sideways;-) Good to see you all! DC&J Quote thegateless.org Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
waxwings Posted January 27, 2011 Share Posted January 27, 2011 (edited) Iconcur much w/what others have said, but badge has a point re those two lines. To maintain the excellence of the rest, I'm sure you cand find something to replace those two lines to escape an odd break in what the pundits would call your emotional consistency. For a change, the profile of a female breast seems to fit, because it is one of "the little things" that count!!! And you have managed to masterfully avoid punctuation. In most cases. Suggest you check if "the heart's beginning reason" would not be more telling than "beginning heart's reason". The latter is Latvian, methinks. Edited January 27, 2011 by waxwings Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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