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tonyv

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tonyv

What should I tell his mom? He went under the ice this morning. Well, okay, I'm not exactly sure he went under the ice -- my back was turned -- but when I turned around, he was gone. Emergency services, mom? What would they do, use telepathy to find him? Okay, I guess they could have broken the ice with equipment, or sent down divers or at least a camera. Time to call my aunt.


Here is a link to an index of my works on this site: tonyv's Member Archive topic

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goldenlangur

Hi Tony,

 

 

How Raymond Carver-like in tone! Wonderfully clear and yet intriguing scenario that leaves the reader with an imprint of of various possibilities.

 

The first person narrative gives it a dark timbre and an immediacy which is quite chilling.

 

I enjoyed this very much even if I got the intent wrong.

 

Thank you.


goldenlangur

 

 

Even a single enemy is too many and a thousand friends too few - Bhutanese saying.

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tonyv

Thank you, Goldenlangur, for the kind, perceptive reply. I'm excited to report that this was actually from a dream I had the other night. It's the first time that has happened with me. Well, it happened maybe one or two other times, but I didn't harness the moment and write down the dream(s). Thus, they ended up forgotten. I'm pleased that the first person narrative came across the way it did.

 

Tony


Here is a link to an index of my works on this site: tonyv's Member Archive topic

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Aleksandra

Tony, you have crazy dreams, even you don't many. But when you do, it's a long story that happens in a few seconds...

I like this prose piece, and I was wondering if there is another way to make this, in a different structure. I don't know some other line when you have direct speech to the mom?!

 

Otherwise it's all set. Short and interesting.

 

Aleksandra


The poet is a liar who always speaks the truth - Jean Cocteau

History of Macedonia

 

 

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tonyv
I like this prose piece, and I was wondering if there is another way to make this, in a different structure.

Perhaps a poem, Alek? Thank you for checking this out.

 

Tony :)


Here is a link to an index of my works on this site: tonyv's Member Archive topic

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fdelano
I like this prose piece, and I was wondering if there is another way to make this, in a different structure.

Perhaps a poem, Alek? Thank you for checking this out.

 

Tony :)

 

Hi Tony.

 

I like this because there is so much unsaid for the reader to wonder about. I wonder if you would consider expanding this, at least into more than flash fiction? There are characters to be developed here, some of them not so nice. Enjoyed a lot.

 

fdh

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tonyv
I like this prose piece, and I was wondering if there is another way to make this, in a different structure.

Perhaps a poem, Alek? Thank you for checking this out.

 

Tony :)

 

Hi Tony.

 

I like this because there is so much unsaid for the reader to wonder about. I wonder if you would consider expanding this, at least into more than flash fiction? There are characters to be developed here, some of them not so nice. Enjoyed a lot.

 

fdh

Thanks, Franklin. It really was just a brief dream I had. I'm not so sure I'm enough of a writer to develop it; I have a hard enough time writing a poem longer than a few lines, lol. As for "some of them not so nice," I liked that a lot!

 

Tony


Here is a link to an index of my works on this site: tonyv's Member Archive topic

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