Jump to content
Poetry Magnum Opus

Thaw


tonyv

Recommended Posts

What should I tell his mom? He went under the ice this morning. Well, okay, I'm not exactly sure he went under the ice -- my back was turned -- but when I turned around, he was gone. Emergency services, mom? What would they do, use telepathy to find him? Okay, I guess they could have broken the ice with equipment, or sent down divers or at least a camera. Time to call my aunt.

Here is a link to an index of my works on this site: tonyv's Member Archive topic

Link to comment
Share on other sites

goldenlangur

Hi Tony,

 

 

How Raymond Carver-like in tone! Wonderfully clear and yet intriguing scenario that leaves the reader with an imprint of of various possibilities.

 

The first person narrative gives it a dark timbre and an immediacy which is quite chilling.

 

I enjoyed this very much even if I got the intent wrong.

 

Thank you.

goldenlangur

 

 

Even a single enemy is too many and a thousand friends too few - Bhutanese saying.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Thank you, Goldenlangur, for the kind, perceptive reply. I'm excited to report that this was actually from a dream I had the other night. It's the first time that has happened with me. Well, it happened maybe one or two other times, but I didn't harness the moment and write down the dream(s). Thus, they ended up forgotten. I'm pleased that the first person narrative came across the way it did.

 

Tony

Here is a link to an index of my works on this site: tonyv's Member Archive topic

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • 7 months later...

Tony, you have crazy dreams, even you don't many. But when you do, it's a long story that happens in a few seconds...

I like this prose piece, and I was wondering if there is another way to make this, in a different structure. I don't know some other line when you have direct speech to the mom?!

 

Otherwise it's all set. Short and interesting.

 

Aleksandra

The poet is a liar who always speaks the truth - Jean Cocteau

History of Macedonia

 

 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • 1 month later...
I like this prose piece, and I was wondering if there is another way to make this, in a different structure.

Perhaps a poem, Alek? Thank you for checking this out.

 

Tony :)

Here is a link to an index of my works on this site: tonyv's Member Archive topic

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • 3 months later...
I like this prose piece, and I was wondering if there is another way to make this, in a different structure.

Perhaps a poem, Alek? Thank you for checking this out.

 

Tony :)

 

Hi Tony.

 

I like this because there is so much unsaid for the reader to wonder about. I wonder if you would consider expanding this, at least into more than flash fiction? There are characters to be developed here, some of them not so nice. Enjoyed a lot.

 

fdh

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I like this prose piece, and I was wondering if there is another way to make this, in a different structure.

Perhaps a poem, Alek? Thank you for checking this out.

 

Tony :)

 

Hi Tony.

 

I like this because there is so much unsaid for the reader to wonder about. I wonder if you would consider expanding this, at least into more than flash fiction? There are characters to be developed here, some of them not so nice. Enjoyed a lot.

 

fdh

Thanks, Franklin. It really was just a brief dream I had. I'm not so sure I'm enough of a writer to develop it; I have a hard enough time writing a poem longer than a few lines, lol. As for "some of them not so nice," I liked that a lot!

 

Tony

Here is a link to an index of my works on this site: tonyv's Member Archive topic

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.
Note: Your post will require moderator approval before it will be visible.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

×
×
  • Create New...

Important Information

By using this site, you agree to our Guidelines.