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7 posts in this topic

Betrayal

 

Ripped by yellowed calcified nails,

my breast is shredded, split open,

leaving a pulsing heart naked,

vulnerable to the bony

gnarled fingers that slide in

and grasp to twist and snatch

without conscience the slick

surface oozing crimson.

How do I heal without a heart?

-------------------- --- Judi Van Gorder

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Thanks Jonathan and Joel, I was experimenting with concrete images in metaphor.

 

~~Tink

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Hi Tink,

 

You use such visceral images with great effect. Some brilliant details:

 

"calcified nails, slick surface oozing crimson"

 

Although the images are physical, one imagines the wounding to be of the spirit.

 

goldenlangur

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Tink very original expressions you use in this poem. I like it.

 

the ending line I love the most

How do I heal without a heart?

Much enjoyed

 

Aleksandra

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Betrayal from the victim's point of view ... with a gothic twist!

 

You have given me an idea for an exercise: write a poem which presents the viewpoint of another. I guess the way to start would be to ask oneself how one would feel if the shoe was on the other foot in any given situation.

 

Tony icon_smile.gif

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