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Poetry Magnum Opus

Photo on the Wall


jondan

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Photo on the Wall

 

 

I see your photo on the wall,

(black and white).

but still I see...

the colour of your smile,

I wish I'd known you way back then,

been your friend.

But all I was...

was just a tear drop in your eye.

 

I see your photo on the wall,

(black and white).

I still see...

the sparkle in your eyes.

If I'd known you way back then,

been your friend.

I'd tell you...

Every things going to be alright.

 

 

David T Smith

Copyright 9th August 2009

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Larsen M. Callirhoe

i really liked this david. i think you could add allot more if you wanted to.

 

victor

Larsen M. Callirhoe

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Hi David, I like the idea behind this poem. I also like the shape of it.

 

If this were mine, I would try to introduce L2 of each stanza in a smoother manner... (black and white) as you wrote it is choppy to my ear. This is just my opinion.

 

I also wrote a poem about a black and white photo on a wall On the Way to the Ladies Room which I had to rewrite about a gagillian times. Lake too has a wonderful poem about a photo in black and white but right now I can't find it.

 

I liked the simplicity of this piece and the fact that you didn't try to explain it.

 

~~ Tink

~~ © ~~ Poems by Judi Van Gorder ~~

For permission to use this work you can write to Tinker1111@icloud.com

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i really liked this david. i think you could add allot more if you wanted to.

 

victor

 

Hi Victor, I gues this is still a work in progress, I wrote it as a song, and I need a chorus, Thank you for your review...Dave

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Hi David, I like the idea behind this poem. I also like the shape of it.

 

If this were mine, I would try to introduce L2 of each stanza in a smoother manner... (black and white) as you wrote it is choppy to my ear. This is just my opinion.

 

I also wrote a poem about a black and white photo on a wall On the Way to the Ladies Room which I had to rewrite about a gagillian times. Lake too has a wonderful poem about a photo in black and white but right now I can't find it.

 

I liked the simplicity of this piece and the fact that you didn't try to explain it.

 

~~ Tink

Hi Tink, thank you for your review, These are song lyrics to a work in progress so you would have to hear the tune to feel the flow...Dave

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Hi Victor, I gues this is still a work in progress, I wrote it as a song, and I need a chorus,

 

I agree with you David. This can be much better. It definitely has potential. I have a hard time also when I want to turn a lyric into a poem :) .

By the way, belated welcome to the board from me. I am glad to meet you and read your poetry.

 

I hope you are having a nice time around.

 

Thank you for sharing your poetry with us.

 

Aleksandra

The poet is a liar who always speaks the truth - Jean Cocteau

History of Macedonia

 

 

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