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The Audition


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badger11

revision

 

This gaudy thing bobbing in burlesque
offers a bawdy dance and even mimes
some teasing slapstick fun. Her tinsel dreams

of screen star fame faded with the talkies
because her country accent was never posh.
She strips without a blush. Hears the applause.

I light a cigar for images say it best
like a hard slap and through the fug breathe in
my cunning schemes. I applaud my craft.

 

original

This gaudy thing bobbing in burlesque
offers a bawdy dance and even mimes
some teasing slapstick fun. Her tinsel dreams

of screen star fame faded with the talkies
because a Brummie accent was never posh.
She strips without a blush. Hears the applause.

I light a cigar for images say it best
like a hard slap and through the fug breathe in
my cunning schemes. I applaud my craft.

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On 7/11/2020 at 2:50 AM, badger11 said:

This gaudy thing bobbing in burlesque
offers a bawdy dance and even mimes
some teasing slapstick fun. Her tinsel dreams

of screen star fame faded with the talkies
because a Brummie accent was never posh.
She strips without a blush. Hears the applause.

I light a cigar for images say it best
like a hard slap and through the fug breathe in
my cunning schemes. I applaud my craft.

This is great work, Phil. It's very much to my taste. 

You do a terrific job "showing" and even seem to say so in L7 --

"I light a cigar for images say it best" :excl:

-- and "fug" is a great choice, a word I've never seen before. 

Tony

Here is a link to an index of my works on this site: tonyv's Member Archive topic

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badger11
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-- and "fug" is a great choice, a word I've never seen before.

Pleased you liked that word Tony. I'm attracted by little words that deliver  meaning and sonics rather than latinate polysyllables.

I've tweaked the title.

cheers

Phil

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Nice one Badge, of course I had to google a Brummie accent and thanks for "fug", can't wait to use it.

You paint a clear picture here despite the fog of smoke.   I liked it a lot.

~~Judi

~~ © ~~ Poems by Judi Van Gorder ~~

For permission to use this work you can write to Tinker1111@icloud.com

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badger11

Thank you Judi. It's good of you to research some of the vernacular.

all the best

Phil

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  • 2 weeks later...

This is a stunning piece Phil. It evokes a time and place transporting it into the present. A very Time Traveling proficient poem. Love it!

Gate(less.thumb.png.dc23b19d2478d37a9f6fcdc563973026.pnghttps://conjurd.substack.com/welcome Come on over and check out my poetry substack y'all;-)

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badger11

Thank you very much Juris and good luck with your new project (I'm still pondering your latest poem!)

best

Phil

 

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  • 3 weeks later...
JoelJosol

Phil, you are describing a striptease in some smoke-filled club, right? What a nice way to describe such mundane slice of life. I like the phrase "bobbing in burlesque". But I missed the part about the "craft". Was it referring to a painting or other artwork?

"Words are not things, and yet they are not non-things either." - Ann Lauterbach

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badger11
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But I missed the part about the "craft". Was it referring to a painting or other artwork?

Thank you Joel. I was referencing the craft of manipulation.

all the best

Phil

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