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trees


dedalus
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I like trees,

I really do.

 

They are so lovely to look at

either rough or smooth are their trunks

brownish and grey, all possible

 

shades inbetween: they shower

a scintillae, a pentilae

of gemstone butterflies

 

from sunlight dappling leaves

and I have seen, I have counted

two dozen shades of green

 

perhaps more: and the best thing,

ensuring their possible survival,

is that humans cannot eat them.

Drown your sorrows in drink, by all means, but the real sorrows can swim

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Ded,

 

I'm a bit curious as to if this is a serious offering from you? It is such a radical departure from most of your body of work that I had to recheck the author;-) Well assuming this is a serious offering and not a lesson icon_eek.gif- I find it lighthearted, humorous and an excellent use of scintilla and the made up (?) pentilae- which eludes the omnipotent Google- If I were to analyze the voice as something independent of the author- I would guess young with an earlier obsession with unicorns and an oral fixation ;-)

 

Loved the last line and the patience to count all the shades of green in a tree- I couldn't do it but now I feel obliged to try!

 

Thanks for the early morning rumination;-)

 

DC

thegateless.org Come on over and check out my poetry substack y'all;-) Or if your bored, head to the Zazzle store: https://www.zazzle.com/store/gateless. If you buy anything I lose a bet, so consider that before you violate the digital rules.

 

Gate(less.png

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There are seven shades of green. Everybody (??) knows that. Then you need to start looking further. There are more. I was out by the lake today. The wind was whispering through the leaves of the trees. I lay flat on my back and looked up at the sky through the intersticing leaves and physically ached for a touch of Mary Jane. A little squeeze would've been nice from any of my former girlfriends, but the one I really needed was far and far away.

Drown your sorrows in drink, by all means, but the real sorrows can swim

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I prefer to not glibly praise a poem, no matter how much I like it. Instead, I gladly offer to point out minor revisions (from a linguistic/styling viewpoint) that may enhance a poem even further.

 

It is my understanding that, in this forum, any analytical remarks are relegated to poems posted in a special thread. I therefore would ask you if you are interested in my thoughts on this most appealing poem. I ask this with the assumption this poem has not been extensively polished.

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Evolution is revolution, badgie!

 

It is my understanding that, in this forum, any analytical remarks are relegated to poems posted in a special thread. I therefore would ask you if you are interested in my thoughts on this most appealing poem. I ask this with the assumption this poem has not been extensively polished.

 

Bang away, waxy. Sledgehammers almost welcome.

 

ddd

Drown your sorrows in drink, by all means, but the real sorrows can swim

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You are a sport dedalus. My mother wanted to christen me Icarus and that is what waxwings are for. This is a very good poem, at least for my tea, and my quibbles are somewhat presumptious of knowing what you intended writing it. Ignore anything I have said that misses that possibility.

 

I'll try to keep it short, making either comments or text-editing only as needed. I believe in least punctuation, but... and colons suggest a detailing is next.

 

They are so lovely to look at. [superfluous "so". Poem shows how "lovely" & period would point to that]

Their trunks can be either rough or smooth are Their trunks [inversion. "either" could make one to think "at the same time" ; "can be" is more forgiving, methinks]

brownish and grey, all possible

 

shades in between. They shower

a scintillae, a pentilae

of gemstone butterflies

 

from through sunlight dappleding leaves,

and I have seen, I have counted

two dozen shades of green,

 

perhaps more; and the best thing,

ensuring their possible survival, [i like you marking the interjection]

is that humans cannot eat them.

 

I hope to read more poems of yours. waxy

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I must say, that I think this poem (with waxy's minor editing adjustments) is world class. As is the case with many such poems, the title does not give the reader any inkling of what to really expect. The poem could be a simple pastoral, but, upon reading, it delights by delivering more. In addition to being otherwise well composed, that aspect gives it that "universal appeal."

 

Tony

Here is a link to an index of my works on this site: tonyv's Member Archive topic

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I appreciate not being chastized for 'editing'.

 

Short of being a know-it-all, I have, for many years, studied anything re poetry etc. I could get my hands on. Most of what I do is to apply factual info, but I do have some independent thoughts.

 

For one, a good/significant poem seems to have each line say something incontrovertible, and a wee bit of editing that retains the spirit of the line can elevate a poem to a greater status

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dedalus wrote:

 

I like trees,

... I have counted

two dozen shades of green

 

perhaps more: and the best thing,

ensuring their possible survival,

is that humans cannot eat them.

 

Ded, simply I loved this one.

 

Thank you.

 

Aleksandra

The poet is a liar who always speaks the truth - Jean Cocteau

History of Macedonia

 

 

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This is different from the usual sort of thing I write. These days all kinds of peculiar ideas pop up. I like that very much, I really do! Sometimes the ideas make me laugh and sometimes they make me think, sometimes both. I kind of liked this one and I'm glad you liked it, too. I have no idea what I'm going to write next. Something horrible, probably ....

Drown your sorrows in drink, by all means, but the real sorrows can swim

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