Aurora

[tonyv]

Glancing up through evergreens at stars,
I sight a satellite. On course, it makes
its way from now to then; there is no now
for me. And all the skies we ever shared
soon meld into a single streak of north.
A hum, a flutter -- jade green curtains wave
and ghost across the woods beyond the lake.

[dr_con]

Tony,

 

an observational masterpiece- terse, emotive and yet only 'what's there' from your unique perspective- well, well done...

 

DC

[badger11]

You placed the reader in the moment.

 

Appreciated some of the word choices too

 

Maybe 'green' is redundant.

 

Either way the kind of poem I search to read, pleased to have found.

 

badge

[Tinker]

Wow, This is beautiful and sad, Tony! The sonics of this piece resonate.

 

^{tonyv wrote:}

 

A hum, a flutter -- jade green curtains wave

and ghost across the woods beyond the lake.

 

 

I loved it... ~~Tink

[tonyv]

Thank you, Dr. Con, Badge, and Tinker for your kind replies.

 

^{badger11 wrote:}

 

Maybe 'green' is redundant.

Though I'm not familiar with its normal usage, Badge, the things I considered when adding green to jade were:

 

1. My dictionary does not list jade as a color, only the other definition(s), according to which jade (the rock) can be either pale green or white.

 

2. My thesaurus lists many options for green. Some, like celadon, have just the word. Others have green after the word, like grass green, apple green, and leek green. Still, others (jade included) have green in parentheses after the word, like Nile (green), olive (green), emerald (green) and fir (green). I tried to find an explanation for the parentheses but couldn't. I guess I considered that jade can also be white and that I have heard olive and emerald used with the word green. Still not sure if I got it right ...

 

Tony

[badger11]

hi Tony

 

'normal usage' + 'evergreens' = should be enough direction

 

in addition, to my ear, it makes the line 'heavier' than it should be

 

of course, only a perspective, and hopefully others will give a view

 

badge

[Aleksandra]

On course, it makes

its way from now to then; there is no now

for me. And all the skies we ever shared

soon meld into a single streak of north

 

Tony, knowing you this part is amazing covered and metaphotically expressed. The past brings memories always so we who write poetry can connect in one secret way.

 

The poem makes in my mind some imagery of short romance what already happend, and your way of expressing makes me wonder how you wrote this lovely poem with such a hidden feelings.

 

I love it.

 

Aleksandra

[tonyv]

On course, it makes

its way from now to then; there is no now

for me. And all the skies we ever shared

soon meld into a single streak of north

 

Tony, knowing you this part is amazing covered and metaphotically expressed. The past brings memories always so we who write poetry can connect in one secret way.

 

The poem makes in my mind some imagery of short romance what already happend, and your way of expressing makes me wonder how you wrote this lovely poem with such a hidden feelings.

 

I love it.

 

Aleksandra

 

There's nothing there that you don't know about already, Alek. I'm glad you liked the poem.

 

Tony

[goldenlangur]

Hi Tony,

 

 

Inspired images and great sonority are enhanced by the understated tone. So much suggested and the reader is allowed to immerse in the moment you create with a delicacy of touch.

 

 

Love these lines:

...there is no now

for me. And all the skies we ever shared

soon meld into a single streak of north.

 

 

goldenlangur

[tonyv]

Inspired images and great sonority are enhanced by the understated tone. So much suggested and the reader is allowed to immerse in the moment you create with a delicacy of touch.

Thankyou, Goldenlangur. I was concerned that the tone might be a bit too understated, but I'm glad that, in this case, it's working in the poem's favor.

 

With appreciation,

 

Tony