the rain

[douglas]

the rain is falling from a sky i ponder

and it is falling upon my pondering head

cold and wet and visceral

 

i stand in these strange streets

and i wonder and think

before ordering myself

another drink

 

all is wet

and i've placed a bet upon

my life and upon my soul

the questions that enter my tired head

and force me to gain some control

 

control over my destiny and my life

that ever evasive thing

the certainty and wholeheartedness

one wishes to achieve

that gift

that'll make the soul sing

 

and as i walk through the alleyways

where the people flow out

and as i enter the circles

where there is traffic all about

i realise something

and it's not just about me

it's about our plight

as contemporary society...

Edited October 24, 2011 by douglas

[Aleksandra]

Douglas, my dear friend :). How nice to see you here again :).

I hope you set your life in London and that you are happy there.

I like this Rain poem. It is somehow mixed with rime and some repetition of the words, you did that by intent or?!

 

However, the poem is very nice with some melancholy inside. I hope you are not with same feeling in yourself as the feeling in your poem.

 

Aleksandra

[dr_con]

Well, well don Douglas- The rhyme plays into the rumination, the song, the ordering of another drink. It is playful and yet conveys a sense of truth @ once.Nice work Douglas!

 

I would skip the final ellipses, grounding the point home as it were;-)

 

None the less excellent work!

 

DC

[tonyv]

Yes, Douglas, although the speaker is somehow in touch with himself -- he's making a conscious effort to gain some control -- he's nevertheless acutely aware of a sense of detachment present in his cosmopolitan environs. City life can be exciting, but it can also be lonely. I know you will find where the action is. :party on: And I hope you find a little :icon_sunny: in the midst of all the rain.

 

Tony

[rhymeguy]

So much lonliness, it makes the heart ache; makes one want to reach across the abyss and hug the writer; offer assurance that he is loved. It is all well and good to recognize that society is indeed lonely both colectively and individually, but that is little comfort for the lonely heart.

 

Your work herein paints a portrait in shades of gray with careful and well placed strokes.

 

I pray that this is only a moment in the life.

 

rg

[goldenlangur]

Hi douglas,

 

The rain seems to magnify the narrator's sense of alienation and loneliness. You capture so well the acuteness of the narrator's awareness of his surroundings which underline his own feelings of being out of place and lost.

 

I particularly like how you then link this to the wider, more universal:

 

i realise something

and it's not just about me

it's about our plight

as contemporary society...

 

 

Pensive and moving.

 

 

goldenlangur

[douglas]

hello everyone.

 

it is so nice to be on the new site and to see you all here. thank you ALL very much for your lovely words, impressions and comments.

 

london has been very challenging on many levels. but i am taking all the lessons on the chin and learning much about myself and life.

 

i have decided, after a year of globe trotting to move back to cape town, south africa at the end of oct.

 

hopefully more poetry will flow through me again soon. my creativity has been dormant for a few months and this was my first poem in ages. i am happy that it moved and touched you all - that gives me joy.

 

douglas