JoelJosol Posted July 26, 2009 Share Posted July 26, 2009 (edited) I missed the dump truck this morning. Now, I am stuck, counting garbage bags the neighbors hate to see torn open by scavengers. I wonder should I be sitting here checking your pictures from Facebook or be ridding of all this trash? But your smile, new company, longer hair, without me seated anywhere close to you- I can't keep on piling up all these thoughts and miss the dump truck. (This poem is just to exercise my brain. I've been too busy with work lately.) Edited July 28, 2009 by JoelJosol Quote "Words are not things, and yet they are not non-things either." - Ann Lauterbach Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
goldenlangur Posted July 26, 2009 Share Posted July 26, 2009 Hi JoelJosol, The analogy you make between the garbage bags and truck and the emotional baggage is very effective. A very successful exercise this :D Quote goldenlangur Even a single enemy is too many and a thousand friends too few - Bhutanese saying. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tinker Posted July 27, 2009 Share Posted July 27, 2009 Hi Joel, Pretty good for a mind exercise. As gl has already said the analogy worked. One thing you might want to look at more closely if you have the time, the 5th couplet tense seems out of sync with the rest of the poem. or just get rid ---------- or just gotten rid (I think fits better - at least if I am reading it right. of all this trash? I like the modern reference to Face Book... very fresh. ~~Tink Quote ~~ © ~~ Poems by Judi Van Gorder ~~ For permission to use this work you can write to Tinker1111@icloud.com Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tonyv Posted July 27, 2009 Share Posted July 27, 2009 I agree with the others, Joel: the poem works. Thanks for sharing it! Tony Quote Here is a link to an index of my works on this site: tonyv's Member Archive topic Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JoelJosol Posted July 28, 2009 Author Share Posted July 28, 2009 Thanks everyone for the feedback. I made some improvement as Tinker suggested and improve my line cutting. Quote "Words are not things, and yet they are not non-things either." - Ann Lauterbach Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dr_con Posted July 28, 2009 Share Posted July 28, 2009 JJ, a good solid reflection (despite just being an exercise) Modern and Now while being a universal plight;-) DC Quote thegateless.org Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Aleksandra Posted August 4, 2009 Share Posted August 4, 2009 Hello Joel. The beggining and the tittle of the poem made me smile because i remembered how I was running to the truck once calling them to come back but they were too lazy for that, and I am missing it always :D. So I am giving up - it's not job for me anyway :D. As someone said - I like the connection between the garbage truck and emotions. But happens :). Good exercise :) Aleksandra Quote The poet is a liar who always speaks the truth - Jean Cocteau History of Macedonia Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JoelJosol Posted August 4, 2009 Author Share Posted August 4, 2009 Thanks, Aleks. These trucks run fast :-) Quote "Words are not things, and yet they are not non-things either." - Ann Lauterbach Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Frank E Gibbard Posted August 9, 2009 Share Posted August 9, 2009 (edited) As others said Joel the parallels of disposal work well, quite acutely actually. Frank Edited August 9, 2009 by Frank E Gibbard Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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