Old Town, a Decade Later

[tonyv]

Summer in this city is still as hot
as I recall. The funk out on the street,
the voices of the girls, the vacant lot --
all were mine then, and they're mine now. The heat
is mine, too. Some, who are alive, lug cheap,
imported window units from their cars
to third floor flats. Still, others strive to keep
their cool in dimly lighted basement bars.
And me? It would be better if I went
as did the spring, most suddenly, not lingering
like a testator who will not die;
my love lives in a fire of bad intent
more fervid than our most risqué philandering:
she says she loves me, then she says goodbye.

[dr_con]

Tony,

 

an impressive piece- very much the collage POV that Ashbury does so well. An impressive series of images whose whole if far greater than the sum of the parts. I am deeply impressed. And I had to look up 'testator' which proved fulfilling and very appropriate for the line :icon_sunny:

 

Excellent!

 

DC

[tonyv]

Thank you, Dr. Con, for your most kind and perceptive comment. :D I did change the word the in the penultimate line to our for a (hopefully) stronger effect. I also considered her. Though I'm not 100% sure which one I prefer, I'm leaning toward our.

 

Tony

[Larsen M. Callirhoe]

the last line sounds like the story of my life lol. i enjoyed this. it flowed, had rythm, and rhymed. thanks

 

victor

[tonyv]

I'm sorry you were able to relate, Victor, but I am glad you liked the poem. Thanks for your kind reply!

 

Tony

[Tinker]

Wow Tony, I could feel the suffocating heat while reading this... The rhythm and heavy words all hold the reader in this muggy space. I was helping lug a unit up the stairs in my mind... I knew what a testator was, I kind of work in the business.. and DC is right, it was the perfect word. This is really good, I loved it.

 

~~Tink

[Aleksandra]

My dear Tony, sorry for being late with my comment here, but I did read long time ago :).

This poem makes me wonder... It's amazing how you express your view to the future. You made me smile with the testator :) but also shows the sadness because the narrator wish some quick disapearing.

The poem has a sad sound, and hurtful feelings.

The tittle is atractive and captures the attention.

I hope the narrator will meet different old town a decade later than this one, even it's not so changed in your description.

 

I hope you are fine and readdy for more vivid poem :)

 

I loved the poem - it is hard for my taste but stll I love it.

 

Aleksandra

PS: come on give me an easy one :)

[goldenlangur]

Hi Tony,

 

 

In terms of imagery and sonority this is superb.

 

 

 

I love the way the distant tone in large part of the poem suddenly changes to poignant one in which the anguish of the poet is bared. The impact works very well:

 

she says she loves me, then she says goodbye.

[tonyv]

Thank you Alek for your belated reply. Yes, I know you read it immediately upon publication. And I'm glad you liked the mix of feelings this one conjured.

 

PS: come on give me an easy one :)

I'm trying, I'm trying!

 

Tony :))

[tonyv]

Wow Tony, I could feel the suffocating heat while reading this... The rhythm and heavy words all hold the reader in this muggy space. I was helping lug a unit up the stairs in my mind... I knew what a testator was, I kind of work in the business.. and DC is right, it was the perfect word. This is really good, I loved it.

 

~~Tink

Thanks, Tinker. It's a good sign when the reader feels something. In that case, the writer's effort probably resulted in a poem!

 

Tony

[tonyv]

Thank you, Goldenlangur, especially for your comment re the sonority. And I appreciate this a lot:

 

I love the way the distant tone in large part of the poem suddenly changes to poignant one in which the anguish of the poet is bared.

I was hoping that the contrast would be noticeable, and that the poem would have such an effect.

 

Tony

[rhymeguy]

I honestly did read this when it was first posted. I was so impressed that I wanted to spend more time with it before I commented. It certainly deserved more than a quick “nice work” I think kinda slow so I put it aside until I had an opportunity to read it more thoroughly and collect my thoughts.

This is a most intriguing and fascinating work. The depth and texture are palpable. I get that “you can never go home again” feeling. I found no sadness. What I did find was the melancholy that comes when “then” is so real that you can touch it, see it, hear it, and smell it now; the longing for moments past, for the yesterdays that are forever gone. Hopefully, one can smile at the pain and revel in the innocence of those once upon a time moments and then move on.

Incredible work,Tony,

rg

[tonyv]

Thank you, Rhymeguy. I like your take on this, especially here:

 

I get that 'you can never go home again' feeling. I found no sadness. What I did find was the melancholy that comes when 'then' is so real that you can touch it, see it, hear it, and smell it now; the longing for moments past, for the yesterdays that are forever gone.

Of course, I appreciate the other kind and thoughtful things you said, too.

 

Tony