Jump to content
Poetry Magnum Opus

Rainy August


JoelJosol
 Share

Recommended Posts

---------------- revision ------------------

A sunny 8am did not

come true,

 

the sky looking grayish white,

the color of the bedsheet.

 

The weatherman did forecast

lots of rain for August

 

though I am not ready

for today.

 

As clouds keep shifting,

a gust hits the window pane

 

just when I looked away,

your body still warm,

 

after the doctor said

you are gone.

 

 

 

---------------- original -------------------

A sunny 8am did not come true,

the sky all looking puffed white.

 

The weatherman did forecast

lots of rain for August.

 

I just wasn't ready for today,

turning my plans upside-down.

 

It was raining the first of August,

I thought that's just fine.

 

For tomorrow, who knows,

my garden will get some sunshine.

 

But, you, were still warm

in this new morning

 

when the doctor said

you are gone.

Edited by JoelJosol

"Words are not things, and yet they are not non-things either." - Ann Lauterbach

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Larsen M. Callirhoe

hi joel,

 

i read this and it put me into a trance like state lol. i reread it again and thought of my days living near the beach in south florida close to a tropical climate all year round. i miss my birth place which i lived there for 28 years. hard to been in cincinnatii 10 years now, it dioesnt rain as much. i love the cold weather and snow but it gets hot here like in atlanta during the summer. in florida we would get the gulf stream breeze so the heat was bearable, in five minutes you would be soaked in sweat. here in ohio you just get hot and the sun eats at your skin.

 

i enjoy this multi-facetited poem. reminded me of my home origins,

 

larsen aka victor

Edited by Larsen M. Callirhoe

Larsen M. Callirhoe

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I recognize this feeling, Joel. It's quite unreal how, in that moment, life just seems to go on around the one(s) left behind. It can be the brightest, sunniest day. The contrasts you employ work well. Good title, too.

 

Tony

Here is a link to an index of my works on this site: tonyv's Member Archive topic

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Thank you, Larsen and Tony. I wrote it for my brother who died of kidney cancer 8am Sunday.

"Words are not things, and yet they are not non-things either." - Ann Lauterbach

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Larsen M. Callirhoe

sorrry bout your loss joel. it puts the poem into perspective. i didn't want to say anything negative before. this poem is a excellent poem and a excellent tribute to him. this is the type of poem i might write. nothing can replace a parent or sibling. how old was he? so sad my friend. im 38 and both my parents and all my siblings are still here, my dad is 63 and starting to get up there n in age. hopefully he will be around at least another 20 years. i dread the day it does happen.

 

larsen aka victor

Larsen M. Callirhoe

Link to comment
Share on other sites

He is 46. I lost my mom at 60, my dad at 66. I lost a child at birth. He is second eldest. I am the firstborn in our family.

"Words are not things, and yet they are not non-things either." - Ann Lauterbach

Link to comment
Share on other sites

JJ

 

a moving marvelous poem and tribute- My greatest sympathies for your loss.

 

I was moved reading and now I'm crushed.

 

Many Thanks for an Intimate truthful and beautiful piece.

 

DC

thegateless.org Come on over and check out my poetry substack y'all;-) Or if your bored, head to the Zazzle store: https://www.zazzle.com/store/gateless. If you buy anything I lose a bet, so consider that before you violate the digital rules.

 

Gate(less.png

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Frank E Gibbard

Joel it is not easy to share this sort of loss. Condolences, this was a brave write. Is all I can say. Frank

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I revised the poem to introduce a setting to anchor it.

"Words are not things, and yet they are not non-things either." - Ann Lauterbach

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Larsen M. Callirhoe

hi joel,

 

i love both versions of the poem. they both flowed. the rewrite was a little more intamate but the first one reaches out to the reader.

 

my regards

larsen aka victor

Larsen M. Callirhoe

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Hi Joel, I am very sorry for your loss. It is hard to lose one so close. I feel honored that you share your grief with us. here. The poem is set up perfectly to lead the reader to the very sad ending. It conveys your emotions beautifully. The change from the puffy white clouds to the grayish white bedsheet was the perfect choice... I read the revision first and knew immediately where you were when this happened. I am amazed you could write this so close to the event. You have suffered much loss in your life yet you bring this world such beauty in your poems. Thank you.

 

~~Tink

~~ © ~~ Poems by Judi Van Gorder ~~

For permission to use this work you can write to Tinker1111@icloud.com

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I don't have much to add Joel. My deepest condolence for your loss.

This poem is a worth tribute. The revision works a lot and so brave from your side to be strong and to express your feelings into a poem.

The rain makes this poem even more sad, I always have in my mind that when someone dies and its rainny - I feel like even the cky cries for the one who just died.

 

Joel this poem is really sad.

 

I pray for your peace and stay strong.

 

Aleksandra

The poet is a liar who always speaks the truth - Jean Cocteau

History of Macedonia

 

 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Thank you, Victor, Tinker and Aleksandra.

 

Aleksandra, I thought of that too.

 

Tinker, thank you for noting the change. In a way, writing is therapeutic.

"Words are not things, and yet they are not non-things either." - Ann Lauterbach

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.
Note: Your post will require moderator approval before it will be visible.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

 Share

×
×
  • Create New...

Important Information

By using this site, you agree to our Guidelines.