dedalus Posted September 18, 2009 Share Posted September 18, 2009 (edited) For no good reason, tell people you are a poet, look jaded and French, no need to speak the language, wear pebble sunglasses, a wraparound scarf, feign wordly pain, cultivate your facial twitches: by God, that will attract the bitches … of both sexes! Then learn to speak from your solar plexus as you stab the air with a cigarette, swirling a glass of wine, modulating your accents: RP, Essex, Cockney, Strine. First things first, get the image right. People are too dumb or indifferent to doubt you, they'll become your claque; they'll tout you long long before you begin to write. But you'll have to write something. Pick up a newspaper. Read it. Oh, War, oh War … I don't know what we're fighting for! We sink into a bog! I used to have an Afghan friend, he was my neighbour's dog. Good start, everyone likes a pet … but you haven't really got going yet. People is where it's at. People want to hear about people, famous people, and not just any old homeless twat. Also, they have this fascination, this adoration of motor cars. Even on faraway Mars there arose a solemn klaxon at the death of Michael Jackson! Tears did fall, they fell, Oh My God, it was such a terrible knell! And they did drive around in their GUTs, 7-stroke, 11-cylinder, 6100 ccs, not quite the same as our SUVs, but who can say, Yea! Oh, who can tell, what serious vexing thoughts did trouble them about the Bee Em Dubyam that bashed into the pillar, and did spill her rich royal blood. None of us think it ever should have hit that column and so we think it was solemn. Anyway, I'm afraid she died. I cried. So did you. We felt it awfully through and through, and I hear that even the population of Guiana wept bitter tears at the death of Princess Diana. Well, that was the poem that made you famous, a rival to that navvy Seamus! It was so tender, so beautiful, so … Candle in the Wind! Elton went into Rehab after that one. Keep coming up with these darts that quiver in the people's hearts, and just like that, that slithery rat, Dylan, I hear he was a Milwaukee Jew, (hardly one of us despite the fuss) will turn his face, sink without trace, God knows, he's nothing on you! You shall have no archival rival from Shakespeare to Lovelace or Milton, and I will bet you a wheel of Stilton followed up by a case of champagne, that nothing, nothing will appear again in this green and ever-pleasant land quite so soothing, quite so bland. There is nothing, nothing in the least to fear, nada nada ... not as far as I can see. But, tell me, who's this Morrissey? ------------------------------------------------------ Just to sidetrack obvious questions: 1. There are several factual mistakes in the text and I give you joy in finding them! The narrator, an overbearing twit, is responsible. Not me. 2. RP is "received pronunciation" the standard British 'class' accent enforced by Public (i.e private) Schools and once the only acceptable speech of BBC announcers. 3. Essex (or "Estuary") English is the fashionable slurry mix of RP with downmarket, primarily London, accents. It's supposedly very chic and endemic among models, hip journalists, rock musicians and tabloid celebrities. Frank can tell you more ... after all, he lives in Ealing. 4. Strine is Oss-Strine: kangaroo English. 5. Morrissey is Morrissey (formerly of The Smiths), who currently lives in LA. Edited September 19, 2009 by dedalus Quote Drown your sorrows in drink, by all means, but the real sorrows can swim Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dr_con Posted September 19, 2009 Share Posted September 19, 2009 Let no error deter the eager amateur for about his tower at this fine hour truly wonderful advice was given quite mad, I was smitten by a verbose barrage that made me want to charge over the ocean to my friend Bren but was stopped, by the lack of large galoshes and I don't have a car and I'm not a star but this made me laugh and darn good for 'im ;-) DC Quote thegateless.org Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tonyv Posted September 19, 2009 Share Posted September 19, 2009 Yea, it seems my fancy-schmancy pens haven't made me a better writer after all. Oh, well! And now I know how Joan of Arc felt ... Loved it! Tony :) Quote Here is a link to an index of my works on this site: tonyv's Member Archive topic Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
goldenlangur Posted September 20, 2009 Share Posted September 20, 2009 Oh, War, oh War …I don't know what we're fighting for! We sink into a bog! I used to have an Afghan friend, he was my neighbour's dog. Topical reference to the quagmire in Afghanistan. Eloquent and infinitely persuasive write! I enjoyed this. Thank you. Quote goldenlangur Even a single enemy is too many and a thousand friends too few - Bhutanese saying. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Frank E Gibbard Posted September 21, 2009 Share Posted September 21, 2009 I will applaud the satire Bren, not that I have gone to a reading the type is depicted so I can imagine. My mention in your footnote surprised me I am a Londoner I guess but no arbiter of speech fashions. A poem emerged. Frank Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Aleksandra Posted September 23, 2009 Share Posted September 23, 2009 Very interesting poem. The start is fabulous - For no good reason, tell people you are a poet,look jaded and French, no need to speak the language, wear pebble sunglasses, a wraparound scarf, feign wordly pain, cultivate your facial twitches: I like the language in this poem. The irony is obvious everywhere in your poem and here too: Oh, War, oh War …I don't know what we're fighting for! We sink into a bog! I used to have an Afghan friend, he was my neighbour's dog. Glad to find to read this Bren. Aleksandra Quote The poet is a liar who always speaks the truth - Jean Cocteau History of Macedonia Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lake Posted October 9, 2009 Share Posted October 9, 2009 (edited) It's always a pleasure to read you, dedalus. Your language is so lively, content so true. I read from this poem that you urge people (I'll not use "poet" here) to write, wrtie whatever they experience, see, hear, sense, feel, think etc. Just "get the __ out of you", that's what a reader once commented on one of my poems. I also would love to hear you read it with all the accents you mentioned in the poem. That'll be great fun. Many thanks! Lake Edited October 9, 2009 by Lake Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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