dedalus Posted September 23, 2009 Share Posted September 23, 2009 (edited) It was Hakone at the Fuji-ya Hotel old and dark and grand that I first met you fresh in your new kimono soft wisteria when I said my name of a sudden embarrassed you had caught my eye and I looked away my father from behind me clapped my back and said such a pretty girl she has hips she'll give you sons and my face went red and your face went pink and you looked to me for help and I thought OK I'll marry this girl I know she doesn't love me nor do I love her but we'll have children and love will grow between us long before we die Edited November 2, 2009 by dedalus Quote Drown your sorrows in drink, by all means, but the real sorrows can swim Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Larsen M. Callirhoe Posted September 23, 2009 Share Posted September 23, 2009 loved it. never seen haiku in this style. much enjoyed read. loved the style. it had rhythm, flowed, well-thoughtout, and well written. thanks!!! larsen aka victor michael Quote Larsen M. Callirhoe Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tonyv Posted September 26, 2009 Share Posted September 26, 2009 Interesting message. A testimonial to how, in many cases, tradition equals tragedy. I like how you observed the syllable count. Tony Quote Here is a link to an index of my works on this site: tonyv's Member Archive topic Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lake Posted October 12, 2009 Share Posted October 12, 2009 dedalus, I enjoy how you used Haiku form to deliver a story. And it is indeed happiness against the odds. There is honesty in the penultimate stanza but you will marry each other nontheless and do well as said in the last stanza in which I see how the tradition works. All the best, Lake Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Aleksandra Posted October 21, 2009 Share Posted October 21, 2009 Amazing write. I loved this. The connection you made and all inside. Very powerful piece ded. Aleksandra Quote The poet is a liar who always speaks the truth - Jean Cocteau History of Macedonia Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
waxwings Posted November 2, 2009 Share Posted November 2, 2009 (edited) Wonderfully conceived, but why not omit the haiku-like burden in the ?title? Being reasonably close to the 5/7/5 syllable count model in the stanzas is not enough to merit that apellation, nor does that enhance an otherwise already very good poem. Edited November 3, 2009 by waxwings Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dedalus Posted November 2, 2009 Author Share Posted November 2, 2009 Title change? Point taken .... Quote Drown your sorrows in drink, by all means, but the real sorrows can swim Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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