dr_con Posted October 5, 2009 Share Posted October 5, 2009 Detour Do not wake yet go back to the stairs and down deeper deeper Back to the Dark Room the ten-thousand non-reflective mirrors polish them again again Sit down at the table host all the voices just sit just sit When the Birds talk escort to the Swamp cultivate carnivorous plants biting insects and all the Dead Ends as the sun rises listen to them sing tend to tend to You asked what you could do to make up for it All I want before we drive any further is to pull over pull over park on this lonely side lane beneath the full moon fully embrace the wreckage and pain we left in our wake wake Up on that Highway eyes locked on The Sun The Sun Quote thegateless.org Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lake Posted October 6, 2009 Share Posted October 6, 2009 Hi Dr_C, I think I need to come back again to fully digest this since it's too late tonight my brain is not functioning properly. I need to see the background of it. Is it in a dream? But I like the repetition in the last line of each stanza. Will be back. Lake Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
douglas Posted October 6, 2009 Share Posted October 6, 2009 i loved this poem. it has a wonderful rhythm and mysterious and romantic tone. i found myself seeing images and creating stories as i read it. i think the repetition is very effective. it evokes much emotion - almost lyrical, elegant. Quote To receive love, you have to give it... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dr_con Posted October 8, 2009 Author Share Posted October 8, 2009 Thanks Lake and Douglas! Lake please return and comment on further reflection;-) Douglas I'm glad it worked as intended;-) In essence- I used a classic hypnosis technique in the opening line instructing the subject to go deeper. And to not wake, yet;-) The rest is a reflection on the partially enlightened, and how they often leave chaos behind them focused as they are on the absolute- Of course, that's just my interpretation (and as I have said before, writing it hardly makes one qualified to reflect on it ;-) Many Thanks! DC&J Quote thegateless.org Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lake Posted October 8, 2009 Share Posted October 8, 2009 a classic hypnosis technique hypnosis, yes, yes, yes! That's the word. That's how I felt about the beginning of the poem, fell in that sleeplike condition. Can never take your poems on the surface. Regards, Lake Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dedalus Posted October 9, 2009 Share Posted October 9, 2009 At first I found the repetitions a little jarring, but when I read the poem again I began to see them as echoes, and then things started to fall into place. Rather than reading this poem I think I would prefer to hear it spoken ... ahem, a suggestion? dedalus Quote Drown your sorrows in drink, by all means, but the real sorrows can swim Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
badger11 Posted October 9, 2009 Share Posted October 9, 2009 The repetitions became a bit of a mechanical device for me, though I loved the 'tend to, tend to' for birdsong. I do like the more dynamic direction of your writing. badge Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dr_con Posted October 10, 2009 Author Share Posted October 10, 2009 Thanks Ded, Badge and Lake for returning... Bren, maybe I'll record this and post- we shall see... Badge- yes mechanical after all it is the 'machine of poetry,' no? ;-) Thanks all for dropping in! DC&J Quote thegateless.org Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tonyv Posted October 10, 2009 Share Posted October 10, 2009 The poem is quite tight. The repetition is particularly influential, and its hypnotic effect builds from the get-go. It plunges the reader into the speaker's abyss, deeper deeper, until the subject-reader knows that he must wake wake from the Detour, a profound and somewhat disturbing journey he must take ... that is, if he is to heal and emerge in a burst of light. I felt a gamut of emotions, mostly sadness and regret ... a hard and winding road. But, in the end, the outcome was peace. I, too, would like to encourage an audio reading of this poem. Tony Quote Here is a link to an index of my works on this site: tonyv's Member Archive topic Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
badger11 Posted October 11, 2009 Share Posted October 11, 2009 (edited) Thanks Ded, Badge and Lake for returning... Bren, maybe I'll record this and post- we shall see... Badge- yes mechanical after all it is the 'machine of poetry,' no? ;-) Thanks all for dropping in! DC&J I see! Edited October 11, 2009 by badger11 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fader Posted October 11, 2009 Share Posted October 11, 2009 Dr this read like a dirge. Full of regrets and uncertainty. The repitition is like the person is taking a breath after each sob or thought. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dr_con Posted October 12, 2009 Author Share Posted October 12, 2009 Thanks Tony, Fader! I'll see what I can do for the audio;-) Much Appreciation! DC&J Quote thegateless.org Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Aleksandra Posted October 21, 2009 Share Posted October 21, 2009 Wonderful done here DC. The other dimension is noticeable in your poem. Sounds very mystical and musical. Very clever written poem. I love it. Much enjoyed. ALeksandra PS: Vote for audio version :) Quote The poet is a liar who always speaks the truth - Jean Cocteau History of Macedonia Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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