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Detour


dr_con
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Detour

 

Do not wake yet

go back to the stairs

and down

deeper deeper

 

Back to the Dark Room

the ten-thousand

non-reflective mirrors

polish them

again again

 

Sit down at the table

host all the voices

just sit just sit

 

When the Birds talk

escort to the Swamp

cultivate carnivorous plants

biting insects and all the Dead Ends

as the sun rises listen to them sing

tend to tend to

 

You asked what you could do

to make up for it

All I want before we drive

any further is to

pull over pull over

 

park on this lonely side lane

beneath the full moon

fully embrace the wreckage and pain

we left in our

wake wake

 

Up on that Highway

eyes locked on

The Sun The Sun

thegateless.org Come on over and check out my poetry substack y'all;-) Or if your bored, head to the Zazzle store: https://www.zazzle.com/store/gateless. If you buy anything I lose a bet, so consider that before you violate the digital rules.

 

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Hi Dr_C,

 

I think I need to come back again to fully digest this since it's too late tonight my brain is not functioning properly. I need to see the background of it. Is it in a dream? But I like the repetition in the last line of each stanza.

 

Will be back.

 

Lake

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i loved this poem. it has a wonderful rhythm and mysterious and romantic tone. i found myself seeing images and creating stories as i read it. i think the repetition is very effective. it evokes much emotion - almost lyrical, elegant.

To receive love, you have to give it...

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Thanks Lake and Douglas!

 

Lake please return and comment on further reflection;-)

 

Douglas I'm glad it worked as intended;-)

 

In essence- I used a classic hypnosis technique in the opening line instructing the subject to go deeper. And to not wake, yet;-) The rest is a reflection on the partially enlightened, and how they often leave chaos behind them focused as they are on the absolute- Of course, that's just my interpretation (and as I have said before, writing it hardly makes one qualified to reflect on it ;-)

 

Many Thanks!

 

DC&J

thegateless.org Come on over and check out my poetry substack y'all;-) Or if your bored, head to the Zazzle store: https://www.zazzle.com/store/gateless. If you buy anything I lose a bet, so consider that before you violate the digital rules.

 

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a classic hypnosis technique

 

hypnosis, yes, yes, yes! That's the word. That's how I felt about the beginning of the poem, fell in that sleeplike condition.

 

Can never take your poems on the surface.

 

Regards,

 

Lake

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At first I found the repetitions a little jarring, but when I read the poem again I began to see them as echoes, and then things started to fall into place. Rather than reading this poem I think I would prefer to hear it spoken ... ahem, a suggestion?

 

dedalus

Drown your sorrows in drink, by all means, but the real sorrows can swim

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The repetitions became a bit of a mechanical device for me, though I loved the 'tend to, tend to' for birdsong. I do like the more dynamic direction of your writing.

 

badge

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Thanks Ded, Badge and Lake for returning...

 

Bren, maybe I'll record this and post- we shall see...

 

Badge- yes mechanical after all it is the 'machine of poetry,' no? ;-)

 

Thanks all for dropping in!

 

DC&J

thegateless.org Come on over and check out my poetry substack y'all;-) Or if your bored, head to the Zazzle store: https://www.zazzle.com/store/gateless. If you buy anything I lose a bet, so consider that before you violate the digital rules.

 

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The poem is quite tight. The repetition is particularly influential, and its hypnotic effect builds from the get-go. It plunges the reader into the speaker's abyss, deeper deeper, until the subject-reader knows that he must wake wake from the Detour, a profound and somewhat disturbing journey he must take ... that is, if he is to heal and emerge in a burst of light. I felt a gamut of emotions, mostly sadness and regret ... a hard and winding road. But, in the end, the outcome was peace. I, too, would like to encourage an audio reading of this poem.

 

Tony

Here is a link to an index of my works on this site: tonyv's Member Archive topic

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Thanks Ded, Badge and Lake for returning...

 

Bren, maybe I'll record this and post- we shall see...

 

Badge- yes mechanical after all it is the 'machine of poetry,' no? ;-)

 

Thanks all for dropping in!

 

DC&J

 

I see!

Edited by badger11
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Thanks Tony, Fader!

 

I'll see what I can do for the audio;-)

 

Much Appreciation!

 

DC&J

thegateless.org Come on over and check out my poetry substack y'all;-) Or if your bored, head to the Zazzle store: https://www.zazzle.com/store/gateless. If you buy anything I lose a bet, so consider that before you violate the digital rules.

 

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  • 2 weeks later...

Wonderful done here DC. The other dimension is noticeable in your poem. Sounds very mystical and musical. Very clever written poem. I love it.

 

Much enjoyed.

 

ALeksandra

 

 

PS: Vote for audio version :)

The poet is a liar who always speaks the truth - Jean Cocteau

History of Macedonia

 

 

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