Lost

[Lake]

At a loon's call,

I search for you

in the whispers

of reeds that sway,

blurring my view.

By a path,

a hopping frog

leads me to

a misty river,

in the ruffling water

I hear you,

an alluring voice.

[tonyv]

So much is going on in this relatively short poem, Lake. There's lovely imagery in the whispers/of reeds that sway, and the part about the hopping frog made me smile.

 

While a search can certainly be painstaking, there's a sereneness to this whole scene. It seems the search has not been fruitless.

 

Tony

[goldenlangur]

Hi Lake,

 

A great evocation of sounds : loon's call, whisper of the reeds, even the hopping frog brings to mind Basho's frog renting the ancient silence of the pond.

 

 

I wonder if you need the final line? I hear you suggests so much - perhaps let the reader come to what it might be?

 

Just a thought - please feel free to ignore my comment if you think it's off the mark.

 

Thank you.

[Lake]

Thanks, Tony. Glad you like the imagery. Yes, you are right, it's not a fruitless search.

 

Golden, I agree the last line can go - less is more.

 

Thank you both.

 

Lake

[Aleksandra]

Wonderful work, Lake. The ruffling water works wonderful, makes a good composition of metaphors and express that feeling of being lost.

 

Thank you lake.

 

Aleksandra

[dr_con]

Lake,

 

Another beautiful work, a simple reflection on seeking, "for what?" the reader asks, and in the concrete images and sounds, the answer is simply "This"

 

 

Well done,

 

 

DC&J