Aleksandra Posted October 25, 2009 Share Posted October 25, 2009 One more sunrise went to the devil to dance among the crying clouds, to make the rain more like hail. The sun, outcast by a starless sky, makes my marred skin itch and draws a craven face right on my door. The hand starts to write, but children of mine are scared from the nightmares of the day. The poet is a liar who always speaks the truth - Jean Cocteau History of Macedonia Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tonyv Posted October 26, 2009 Share Posted October 26, 2009 Another image-rich poem! At first, the apparent contradiction of The sun, outcast by a starless sky stumped me. Upon further reflection, I concluded that the day time sky, without the sun, is indeed starless ... a cloudy day! The end -- ... but children of mineare scared from the nightmares of the day -- is quite striking. Thanks for this exquisite poem, Aleksandra. Tony Here is a link to an index of my works on this site: tonyv's Member Archive topic Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JoelJosol Posted October 27, 2009 Share Posted October 27, 2009 The opening is strong. And the contrasts provided discovery along the way. A very good one, Sandra. "Words are not things, and yet they are not non-things either." - Ann Lauterbach Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Larsen M. Callirhoe Posted November 3, 2009 Share Posted November 3, 2009 (edited) wow aleks i loved this. you wrote exactly how i feel in such a beautiful poetic way. exceptionally exquisite poem my friend what more can i say your worfs are like drinking fine wine in your words. it is to be savored. vic Edited November 3, 2009 by Larsen M. Callirhoe Larsen M. Callirhoe Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Aleksandra Posted November 4, 2009 Author Share Posted November 4, 2009 Another image-rich poem! At first, the apparent contradiction of The sun, outcast by a starless sky stumped me. Upon further reflection, I concluded that the day time sky, without the sun, is indeed starless ... a cloudy day! The end -- Thank you Tony as always for your wonderful words about my work and I always love how you read my poems. Thank you. The opening is strong. And the contrasts provided discovery along the way. A very good one, Sandra. Joel thanks for reading and commenting on this one. Glad you like the opening, that is always the hardest thing for me while making a poem. wow aleks i loved this. you wrote exactly how i feel in such a beautiful poetic way. exceptionally exquisite poem my friend what more can i say your words are like drinking fine wine in your words. it is to be savored. vic Ah Vic you couldn't say better my friend, I appreciate your comment. Thank you for reading and glad you like this poem. Aleksandra The poet is a liar who always speaks the truth - Jean Cocteau History of Macedonia Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tinker Posted November 9, 2009 Share Posted November 9, 2009 One more sunrise went to the devilto dance among the crying clouds, to make the rain more like hail. The sun, outcast by a starless sky, makes my marred skin itch and draws a craven face right on my door. The hand starts to write, but children of mine are scared from the nightmares of the day. Hi aleks, This is so well written, who would guess your first language isn't English. Wow, great imagery! "and draws a craven face right on my door" has a haunting power. Love it! ~~Tink ~~ © ~~ Poems by Judi Van Gorder ~~ For permission to use this work you can write to Tinker1111@icloud.com Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jondan Posted November 12, 2009 Share Posted November 12, 2009 One more sunrise went to the devilto dance among the crying clouds, to make the rain more like hail. The sun, outcast by a starless sky, makes my marred skin itch and draws a craven face right on my door. The hand starts to write, but children of mine are scared from the nightmares of the day. Excellent images conjured by this haunting write, So enjoyed the ending, you paint such a barron cold landscape...Dave Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
goldenlangur Posted November 14, 2009 Share Posted November 14, 2009 Hi Aleksandra, Bleak images which evoke an almost inexpressible existential anguish and yet you express this so poignantly: The sun, outcast by a starless sky, a craven face right on my door. ....children of mine are scared from the nightmares of the day. I get a sense of the natural order of thing turned upside down and inside out. It is as if Satan is playing tricks with the natural phenomenon: One more sunrise went to the devilto dance among the crying clouds, to make the rain more like hail. The surreality of your landscape underlines that anger, pain and sadness which are beyond words and indeed incomprehensible and immeasurable. Thank you for a moving write. I may have got your intent wrong but this touched a chord. goldenlangur Even a single enemy is too many and a thousand friends too few - Bhutanese saying. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Aleksandra Posted November 19, 2009 Author Share Posted November 19, 2009 Hi aleks, This is so well written, who would guess your first language isn't English. Wow, great imagery! "and draws a craven face right on my door" has a haunting power. Love it! ~~Tink Tinker thank you so much for your compliment. I am trying hard to be better. When I work in peace and careful I am better, and also when Tony reminds me to not rush and helping me. Glad you like the imagery. Aleksandra The poet is a liar who always speaks the truth - Jean Cocteau History of Macedonia Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Aleksandra Posted November 19, 2009 Author Share Posted November 19, 2009 Excellent images conjured by this haunting write, So enjoyed the ending, you paint such a barron cold landscape...Dave Hi Dave. Thank you for your nice comment. Glad that this made a painting for you. Aleksandra The poet is a liar who always speaks the truth - Jean Cocteau History of Macedonia Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Aleksandra Posted November 19, 2009 Author Share Posted November 19, 2009 Hi Aleksandra, Bleak images which evoke an almost inexpressible existential anguish and yet you express this so poignantly: The sun, outcast by a starless sky, a craven face right on my door. ....children of mine are scared from the nightmares of the day. I get a sense of the natural order of thing turned upside down and inside out. It is as if Satan is playing tricks with the natural phenomenon: One more sunrise went to the devilto dance among the crying clouds, to make the rain more like hail. The surreality of your landscape underlines that anger, pain and sadness which are beyond words and indeed incomprehensible and immeasurable. Thank you for a moving write. I may have got your intent wrong but this touched a chord. Goldenlangur hi my friend. I am impressed to read this comment of yours as always. You make me love my poem even more when I read what you have to say. I am happy how this poem spoke to you, and you are on the right point here. Thank you for reading and sharing your view with me. Aleksandra The poet is a liar who always speaks the truth - Jean Cocteau History of Macedonia Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
summayya Posted November 19, 2009 Share Posted November 19, 2009 Powerful poem Alek. Anger, sorrow, a sense of being lost comes forward in this poem and you put it all together with very nice, almost suprising imagery. Well you always do that making me love you poetry. :D Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lake Posted November 19, 2009 Share Posted November 19, 2009 Yes, haunting, powerful. I wonder what the new day will be. Excellent juxtoposition as in The sun, outcast by a starless sky the nightmares of the day Cheers, Lake Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Aleksandra Posted November 30, 2009 Author Share Posted November 30, 2009 Powerful poem Alek. Anger, sorrow, a sense of being lost comes forward in this poem and you put it all together with very nice, almost surprising imagery. Well you always do that making me love you poetry. :D Summayya, nice to see you around and right on my poem :). I am glad you love my poetry ;). Yes, haunting, powerful. I wonder what the new day will be. Excellent juxtoposition as in Cheers, Lake Lake, we never know what the new day will be, hopefully better, but can be worse too. :icon_eek: Cheers :), Aleksandra The poet is a liar who always speaks the truth - Jean Cocteau History of Macedonia Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
douglas Posted December 3, 2009 Share Posted December 3, 2009 a very cool poem alex! loved the images and feelings and associations it brought up in me. deep, haunting, emotional. To receive love, you have to give it... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
waxwings Posted December 4, 2009 Share Posted December 4, 2009 (edited) One more sunrise went to the devilto dance among the crying clouds, to make the rain more like hail. The sun, outcast by a starless sky, makes my marred skin itch and draws a craven face right on my door. The hand starts to write, but children of mine are scared from the nightmares of the day. A recurring slip of non-native English speakers (like myself) is the occasionally difficult choice of the most appropriate/common preposition to fit the intrinsic sense of the verb as it acts on or due to the object noun. I cannot be absolutely certain of what your exact intent is, but in this wonderful poem I question the clarity of the "scared from nightmares" set. There are several possibilities, because a person/child can be "scared, startled or frightened by" a dog, monster, sickness, death or a nightmare, but the same can be said by, "affraid of" when applied to the same set of nouns. While one can use "from" instead of "by" or "of" and still be generally understood, that choice makes me feel uneasy or seems somehow wrong. A single word can have the same effect on a poem, as does an ugly scar on a beautiful face of a woman. I really do not have a solid reference to say that my opinion is right, but it does bear thinking about. Edited December 5, 2009 by waxwings Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Aleksandra Posted December 11, 2009 Author Share Posted December 11, 2009 a very cool poem alex! loved the images and feelings and associations it brought up in me. deep, haunting, emotional. Dear Douglas, thank you for your nice reply. I'm glad that you enjoy it. A recurring slip of non-native English speakers (like myself) is the occasionally difficult choice of the most appropriate/common preposition to fit the intrinsic sense of the verb as it acts on or due to the object noun. I cannot be absolutely certain of what your exact intent is, but in this wonderful poem I question the clarity of the "scared from nightmares" set. There are several possibilities, because a person/child can be "scared, startled or frightened by" a dog, monster, sickness, death or a nightmare, but the same can be said by, "affraid of" when applied to the same set of nouns. While one can use "from" instead of "by" or "of" and still be generally understood, that choice makes me feel uneasy or seems somehow wrong. A single word can have the same effect on a poem, as does an ugly scar on a beautiful face of a woman. I really do not have a solid reference to say that my opinion is right, but it does bear thinking about. Waxwings, thank you for another careful read. I agree with you that it is not so common to say: " scared from ", but still it's probably not wrong to say it. Thank you again. Aleksandra The poet is a liar who always speaks the truth - Jean Cocteau History of Macedonia Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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