Lonely

[Larsen M. Callirhoe]

I grew up in a world where my childhood was bitter.

My dreams crushed once I got married.

 

I looked into the white clouds

like it was my blank thoughts.

 

I wanted a LOVER to love me.

I was misguided by lust.

 

I woke up one morning from a dream

and my bed was empty of you.

 

I cried many nights

and my tears filled the rivers of Earth.

 

One day I will find love, perhaps another life.

Could I be deceived by the Holy Ghost unintentionally?

 

I don't think I have all the answers to life.

In one one my near death experiences

 

I was shown crying with a female

heading to the clouds

 

this is my soulmate Elizabeth in the near future.

The song by Led Zepplin stairway to heaven comes to mind.

 

I wish that day was now

that I could be with my Elizabeth.

 

I wish atheists would believe in something

other than nothing after you pass away.

 

Love and Light guide you to another realm.

This is Christ Jesusand the Holy Spirit of God.

 

There walks a lady hair glitters as gold

and she is buying the stairway to heaven.

 

*******

 

if this is offensive than i don't get it. this is a poem of emotions not attacking anyone but a cry for those who need enlightenment to know that life doesn't mean loneliness forever even though it seems this way.

Edited July 13, 2010 by Larsen M. Callirhoe

[Lake]

I don't feel this is offensive, Victor, but a yearning from a heart.

 

I wonder if it'll read better if it is in a couplet form as how you started in your first four stanzas.

Just a thought.

 

Best,

 

Lake

[Larsen M. Callirhoe]

I don't feel this is offensive, Victor, but a yearning from a heart.

 

I wonder if it'll read better if it is in a couplet form as how you started in your first four stanzas.

Just a thought.

 

Best,

 

Lake

 

hi lake i will try that. couplets. i need help tony any suggestions on the structure of a sentence in a couplet. i could look but don't know where to look there is so much out there. thanks for the feedback lake. much appreciated.

 

victor

[tonyv]

I'm not such an expert with couplets (or anything else for that matter), Victor, but it does seem to me like it would be an easy fix if you wanted all couplets. All you would have to do is split the four-line stanza in the middle into two two-line stanzas (after the word female) and then take the last line and tack it on to the next-to-last line. You would also have to rework the three-line stanza (the one with the word unintentionally in it) and the one-line stanza immediately after it a bit to make two couplets.

 

I, myself, really like the second and third couplets:

 

I looked into the white clouds

like it was my blank thoughts.

 

I wanted a LOVER to love me.

I was misguided by lust.

They move me even outside the narrative.

 

Tony

[dr_con]

Fun and very heartfelt and very honest-

 

BTW on Atheists- check out this thoughtful piece:

 

Politically an Atheist

 

DC&J

[Aleksandra]

Victor, this is an excellent poem, with so much feelings inside. Very sensitive and touching piece.

 

This line is a perfect expression:

 

my tears filled the rivers of Earth

... I love that one.

 

I enjoyed this poem a lot, I can feel the loneliness inside.

 

Aleksandra