Lake Posted November 25, 2009 Posted November 25, 2009 Leaf viewing Year after year, in every corner, they fall at their designated time. Grass still green, 'mums in blossom, without hesitation, they fall. On fine days, at the last cicada's cry: life is dying, dying, by ones, by twos, they fall. When wind blasts stones, rain brims the pond pillowful of red, yellow and brown, they fall. Raking, yet not raking. Every year's a bonus now. Nothing's more punctual than leaves in the fall. Quote
dr_con Posted November 26, 2009 Posted November 26, 2009 Lake, I'm loving the 'fall' reflections abundant on this board- another fine reflection on mortality impermanence and the change of seasons- This was a compact and delicious read! Many Thanks, DC&J Quote thegateless.org
tonyv Posted November 28, 2009 Posted November 28, 2009 Quite expertly delivered, Lake. Not overdone, your skilled use of repetition and the subtle way you make use of the double-meaning for the word fall make this poem compact, powerful, a winner. I see a deeper meaning. "Designated time," "bonus," and "punctual" make me consider mortality, as these expressions hint at "borrowed time." Tony Quote Here is a link to an index of my works on this site: tonyv's Member Archive topic
Lake Posted November 30, 2009 Author Posted November 30, 2009 Hi dr_con, Thank you for your reply. Your words are always encouraging. Lake Quote
Lake Posted November 30, 2009 Author Posted November 30, 2009 Quite expertly delivered, Lake. Not overdone, your skilled use of repetition and the subtle way you make use of the double-meaning for the word fall make this poem compact, powerful, a winner. I see a deeper meaning. "Designated time," "bonus," and "punctual" make me consider mortality, as these expressions hint at "borrowed time." Tony Hi Tony, I'm really grateful to your take on this poem. The point you made on the repetition, the double meaning of 'fall' and the three words are spot on. I'm thrilled, and 'scared' as this poem reads so transparent to you. Many thanks, Lake Quote
tonyv Posted November 30, 2009 Posted November 30, 2009 I'm thrilled, and 'scared' as this poem reads so transparent to you. That's not because of me. It's because the poem is well-written.;) Tony Quote Here is a link to an index of my works on this site: tonyv's Member Archive topic
Lake Posted December 8, 2009 Author Posted December 8, 2009 Thanks Tony, glad you think it is well-written. But still you read poems more thorugh than I do. Much appreciation. Lake Quote
Aleksandra Posted December 11, 2009 Posted December 11, 2009 Lake, this poem is so musical and different from you. I like how Tony interpreted this poem, and I agree with him. Perfect done. Aleksandra Quote The poet is a liar who always speaks the truth - Jean Cocteau History of Macedonia
Lake Posted December 14, 2009 Author Posted December 14, 2009 Hi Alek, Glad you find some music in it. This one compared with my other poems took me the least time to write. Thank you. Lake Quote
badger11 Posted December 21, 2009 Posted December 21, 2009 designated/hesitation/punctual not familiar with these words in poems I've read, that's a positive! badge :0) Quote
Lake Posted December 22, 2009 Author Posted December 22, 2009 Ha, they don't sound poetic, do they? Thans for the positive, badger. Happy holidays! Lake designated/hesitation/punctual not familiar with these words in poems I've read, that's a positive! badge :0) Quote
badger11 Posted December 23, 2009 Posted December 23, 2009 The polysyllables 'flatten' the rhythm, to my ear, which interested me. badge :0) Quote
Lake Posted December 23, 2009 Author Posted December 23, 2009 The polysyllables 'flatten' the rhythm, to my ear, which interested me. badge :0) Now I see what you mean. Will "chosen time" , "without pause" work better? Lake Quote
tonyv Posted December 23, 2009 Posted December 23, 2009 The polysyllables 'flatten' the rhythm, to my ear, which interested me. badge :0) Now I see what you mean. Will "chosen time" , "without pause" work better? Lake I think Badger means he liked it the way you have it, Lake.;) Don't be so quick to discard/change! Tony :) Quote Here is a link to an index of my works on this site: tonyv's Member Archive topic
badger11 Posted December 23, 2009 Posted December 23, 2009 Yes, you're right Tony. Flatten sounds negative, but it wasn't meant to be. I thought of using 'measured' or 'even' or 'controlled'. badge :0) Quote
tonyv Posted December 23, 2009 Posted December 23, 2009 Yes, you're right Tony. Flatten sounds negative, but it wasn't meant to be. I thought of using 'measured' or 'even' or 'controlled'. badge :0) Yes, "flattened" i.e. measured, even, controlled ... the opposite of sing-song ... not like my most recent, silly little dittys. :)) Good to see you! Tony :D Quote Here is a link to an index of my works on this site: tonyv's Member Archive topic
waxwings Posted December 28, 2009 Posted December 28, 2009 Lovely ideas and a fascinating way of seeing fall. I would, if asked, suggest heavy editing and re-evaluation of punctuation marks used. Punctuation is not kind to poetry, should be used sparingly and only to preclude ambiguity. Quote
Lake Posted December 29, 2009 Author Posted December 29, 2009 (edited) Lovely ideas and a fascinating way of seeing fall. Thanks waxwings for the compliment. I would, if asked, suggest heavy editing and re-evaluation of punctuation marks used. Now, I am asking: Do you mean heavy edit the whole piece or just the use of punctuation or both? Thanks, Lake Edited December 30, 2009 by Lake Quote
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