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About Love and Water


waxwings
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My love for you/

is the heartbeat

of a restless wave

rolling up on the clean sand

and its receding

like your absence, the ebb tide.

 

Your return

is the moment of a rainbow,

whose arc spans the time

when life seems pointless

like the distant horizon

where clouds go

to become transparent.

 

And when you hug me

I am, at least for a while,

the cliff

at whose feet

the restless sea has come to rest,

and all I hear

is the bright splashing of your laughter.

Edited by waxwings
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Ikars,

 

This is a lovely poem that shows the strength of a relationship. While a multitude of metaphors might weaken a short poem if each one isn't given the chance to develop, that is not the case with this poem. The various metaphors are all closely related, and they move forward in a logical progression, from (1) the heartbeat/of a restless wave, which the speaker likens to his love for the beloved; to (2) its accompanying "ebb tide," which represents her absence; to (3) the "moment of a rainbow," which he likens to her return; and to (4) the cliff, which he uses to represent himself, after the two are reunited. I love the distant horizon/where clouds go/to become transparent, and the bright splashing of your laughter effectively grounds the poem. The title works well, too.

 

Tony

Here is a link to an index of my works on this site: tonyv's Member Archive topic

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Lovely. It is well commented by Tony.

 

Here's my little observation:

and all I hear

is the bright splashing of your laughter

 

Normally, you can hear the sound of splashing, but not the brightness. But by synaesthesia - the mixing of sensations, the concurrent appeal to more than one sense - thus the hearing of a certain sound induces the visualization of a certain color. Is this a kind of rhetoric used in this poem?

 

Lake

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Lovely. It is well commented by Tony.

 

Here's my little observation:

and all I hear

is the bright splashing of your laughter

 

Normally, you can hear the sound of splashing, but not the brightness.

Though what you are saying is completely logical, Lake, I would point out that a sound can be characterized as "bright." I only say this because the amplifier for my electric guitar has, among its sound controls, one called "Brightness." There's another one called "Thick." Even so, I'll say that I understand why you're saying this and the point you're making here:

 

But by synaesthesia - the mixing of sensations, the concurrent appeal to more than one sense - thus the hearing of a certain sound induces the visualization of a certain color. Is this a kind of rhetoric used in this poem?

While, I'll defer to waxwings and let him answer your questions, I'll nevertheless add that you have made quite a keen observation. I didn't catch this effect except, perhaps, subconsciously. And, even had I caught it the way you did, I wouldn't have been able to articulate something about the observation as well as you did.

 

Tony

Here is a link to an index of my works on this site: tonyv's Member Archive topic

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A deeply romantic observational poem- well played metaphors- well structured voice- enjoyable as always.

 

DC

thegateless.org Come on over and check out my poetry substack y'all;-) Or if your bored, head to the Zazzle store: https://www.zazzle.com/store/gateless. If you buy anything I lose a bet, so consider that before you violate the digital rules.

 

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A very sensitive poem, waxwings. I enjoyed the metaphors and images. Good to read an emotional poem.

 

Thank you for sharing.

 

Aleksandra

The poet is a liar who always speaks the truth - Jean Cocteau

History of Macedonia

 

 

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  • 6 months later...
Larsen M. Callirhoe

ikars bloody brillant. my type of poem. the underlaying theme is nature in contrast and juxtpution (forgot how to spell that word sorry. don't have my computer dictionary with me.) to love claiffied in natures overtune like a similie of love. maybe i missed the poit but in the book son of solomon there is comparision of fruit as being a women. whhat was king solomen thinking of eating a women. you speak like you are chinese from the few poems i have read that are of chines origin. they talk as if nature is life. smart as heck race. 70,000 picture synbols and average scitizen only uses like 5000.

 

victor

Larsen M. Callirhoe

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Ikars,

 

This is a lovely poem that shows the strength of a relationship. While a multitude of metaphors might weaken a short poem if each one isn't given the chance to develop, that is not the case with this poem. The various metaphors are all closely related, and they move forward in a logical progression

 

I love the distant horizon/where clouds go/to become transparent, and the bright splashing of your laughter effectively grounds the poem. The title works well, too.

 

Tony

 

Sincere thanks, tonyv, for the wonderfully clear revelation of what you find pleasing.

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Lovely. It is well commented by Tony.

 

Here's my little observation:

and all I hear

is the bright splashing of your laughter

 

Normally, you can hear the sound of splashing, but not the brightness. But by synaesthesia - the mixing of sensations, the concurrent appeal to more than one sense - thus the hearing of a certain sound induces the visualization of a certain color. Is this a kind of rhetoric used in this poem?

 

Lake

 

Nice thoughts, lake and the observation on synaesthesia is something I will treasure. tony spoke of it before I could respond for I definitely wanted others to chime in before I might go too far in explaining myself.

 

Not sure how you look at what all is covered by the term rhetoric. As for me, rhetoric is the effective use of language, the fewest words to convey to others exactly what you mean/wish to. Poetry is essentially a rhetorical communication, albeit to some extent more flowery than rhetoric used in other genres or verbal practices. It certainly is not what is referred to as empty rhetoric, but it needs metaphor (the term fashioned in rhetorical endeavours first) of a kind that is more readily grasped emotionally rather than logically.

 

We do hear people speak of 'bright voices/sounds', but to me the crucial notion is that her voice/laughter is refreshing in a way akin to splashes of cool water.

 

Again, I truly appreciate your insights.

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A very sensitive poem, waxwings. I enjoyed the metaphors and images. Good to read an emotional poem.

 

Thank you for sharing.

 

Aleksandra

 

I am thrilled by that you have connected emotionally with what I felt when the poem came to my mind. It was there for a long time waiting for a trigger, which happened to be a picture of a cliff-bound sandy shore after the storm, I was given to respond to at a writing seminar.

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ikars bloody brillant. my type of poem. the underlaying theme is nature in contrast and juxtpution (forgot how to spell that word sorry. don't have my computer dictionary with me.) to love claiffied in natures overtune like a similie of love. maybe i missed the poit but in the book son of solomon there is comparision of fruit as being a women. whhat was king solomen thinking of eating a women. you speak like you are chinese from the few poems i have read that are of chines origin. they talk as if nature is life. smart as heck race. 70,000 picture synbols and average scitizen only uses like 5000.

 

victor

 

Thanks for the heartfelt response, victor. You may want to check my other reactions to members who also commented on the poem.

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