dr_con Posted February 18, 2010 Share Posted February 18, 2010 Abundance (When the Cherry Trees Bloomed) Hate the cult of abundance indulgent soporific dreamers they believe in astrology punctuation and romance I focus on the crack in everything and this sidewalk endless interruption of the foundation The liminal between the assumed and the greening of the infrastructure as life feeds on the inanimate not the cherry trees in bloom the smell of sweet and pink nauseates me Spring must be early Buds avoid guilt or shame thrilled at their lack of culture They do not blush We should be embarrassed Thinking we are gardeners Wind and rain and earth feast on our pretensions of labor Cold fires glimmer in this sky no meaning or interpretation warranted or asked for. Quote thegateless.org Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
badger11 Posted February 19, 2010 Share Posted February 19, 2010 DR C. unleashed! Unexpected, noisy, you do anger effectively. Some fab lines, in fact most of them. badge Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tonyv Posted February 20, 2010 Share Posted February 20, 2010 I really like this condensed rewrite, Juris. I think you've honed it down to a much stronger poem. Especially effective is the way you handle the personal here: I focus on the crack in everything and this sidewalk ... and here: the smell of sweet and pink nauseates me .... But the real clincher is the end: Cold fires glimmer in this sky no meaning or interpretation warranted or asked for. "Cold fires" may seem like an oxymoron, but it's an image which strikes my fancy. It seems also to epitomize "liminality." Tony Quote Here is a link to an index of my works on this site: tonyv's Member Archive topic Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dr_con Posted February 20, 2010 Author Share Posted February 20, 2010 Thanks Badge & Tony! This really isn't a rewrite- rather it was an experiment inspired by the reactions to the first piece- dealing with the nature of voice- what's being said and communicated- An accomplished poet and my friend EK Keith and I are teaching a poetry class- hopefully this summer, and she inspired me to see if I could basically make a complete different mood (voice) while sticking to some of the original metaphors... Many Thanks for your Kind comments! DC&J Quote thegateless.org Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
goldenlangur Posted March 4, 2010 Share Posted March 4, 2010 Hi DC, How Zen these lines read!: ... Buds avoid guilt or shame thrilled at their lack of culture They do not blush We should be embarrassed Stripping away the ego and the overshadowing of the ego of all things. The latter takes many forms: indulgent soporific dreamers they believe in astrology punctuation and romance and while being mired in these illusionary webs we lose the sacred inherent in us. You give much to think. Thank you. Quote goldenlangur Even a single enemy is too many and a thousand friends too few - Bhutanese saying. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Aleksandra Posted March 5, 2010 Share Posted March 5, 2010 Wow Juris, this is one of your best poems. So much to my taste. I enjoyed these parts: Hate the cult of abundanceindulgent soporific dreamers they believe in astrology punctuation and romance I focus on the crack in everything - very intimate, powerful - wonderful. Spring must be earlyBuds avoid guilt or shame thrilled at their lack of culture They do not blush We should be embarrassed Thinking we are gardeners - I agree with goldenlangur, very zen. This is really good experiment and works as well. It's very interesting how you wrote this poem and I am impressed to read a little from the background of how came out this poem. Perfectly done. A great job. Aleksandra Quote The poet is a liar who always speaks the truth - Jean Cocteau History of Macedonia Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dr_con Posted March 11, 2010 Author Share Posted March 11, 2010 Many Thanks Golden & Aleks- I was touched by your comments and realized this was a more successful experiment than I believed.... Much Appreciation! DC&J Quote thegateless.org Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Aleksandra Posted March 13, 2010 Share Posted March 13, 2010 Many Thanks Golden & Aleks- I was touched by your comments and realized this was a more successful experiment than I believed.... Much Appreciation! DC&J Sure it was, DC. I look forward for more experiments like this one. Quote The poet is a liar who always speaks the truth - Jean Cocteau History of Macedonia Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
douglas Posted March 23, 2010 Share Posted March 23, 2010 hi there! it was great to read and you have created some very powerful images and shared an interesting perspective. i particularly loved these lines: We should be embarrassed Thinking we are gardeners Wind and rain and earth feast on our pretensions of labor as GL said, there is a powerful undercurrent of zen, the turning away from the arrogance and preoccupation with the head and logic and ego versus the heart, embracing what is and living in simplicity and truth. thank you. Quote To receive love, you have to give it... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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