dedalus Posted March 11, 2010 Share Posted March 11, 2010 The path was narrow and the road was long but it finally brought me to Hong Kong Hee-yah! Kwai-Lo. Kwai-Lo. Foreign Devil. Not just foreign, understand, but devils into the bargain. We smell like corpses even after umpteen showers, a sour rancid smell, they say, of slowly rotting meat. Sniff your armpits The civilised people, Chinese, self-described, stink, I think, of decaying fish but that's just accepted, normal. It's all in the perception. My conception of boring daily banking life was severely wrenched when I was drenched in a sudden shower. An umbrella popped and I whirled around to see a Hong Kong lovely. A Hong Kong lovely wears a white silk blouse and a tight dark skirt, sheer stockings, very expensive Italian shoes, a little gold crucifix (Hee-yah! All gods are good) green-blue mascara and blue-black shiny shiny carefully tumbling long black hair. Does she look good? She looks good. You, on the other hand, stand like an idiot, rooted to the spot. "Ha, you, umblella," she smiles, so you, bumbling and stumbling, escort her to the Star Ferry for which you pay all of 50 cents in a gentlemanly manner, aware of the inescapable fact that you may be smelling like a corpse while she, instead of day-old fish, smells of Guerlaine. "You, what name?", she smiles, and as you try to bloody well remember your heart goes pitty-pitty-pat and a torrent of pain rolls over you, memories of Nanny and the nursery, the brittle coldness of Mama, the icy distance of Papa, the brusqueness of the boys at school, the cold sheets, the tearful nights. Hee-yah! Kwai-Lo. Soon it is Kowloon side and as the brisk little Chinese sailors do quick arrangements of ropes the ferry smacks upon the pier; "Your name ... you haven't told me your name!" My name Mei Ling. I go now. I give umblella you. Yes? You pay 5 Hong Kong. Quote Drown your sorrows in drink, by all means, but the real sorrows can swim Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tonyv Posted March 12, 2010 Share Posted March 12, 2010 Fantastic, Brendan! Your poems always "take me there." The title hooked me before I even read the poem. In some elemental fashion, it shot me first into the depths of the universe. And then I started to read. I wasn't among celestial bodies, but I was someplace else just as good, or better. I was in an exotic place, savoring a moment, and I felt all of it ... especially this part: "You, what name?", she smiles,and as you try to bloody well remember your heart goes pitty-pitty-pat and a torrent of pain rolls over you, memories of Nanny and the nursery, the brittle coldness of Mama, the icy distance of Papa, the brusqueness of the boys at school, the cold sheets, the tearful nights. No, this is not that place from before. This is a new beginning. The world lies ahead (in the words of Judas Priest, "Out there is a fortune waiting to be had"), and it feels like graduation! Loved it. Tony Quote Here is a link to an index of my works on this site: tonyv's Member Archive topic Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Aleksandra Posted March 13, 2010 Share Posted March 13, 2010 I am sure this is something what really happen to you Brendan :). I remember the photos you shared from your trip " around the world " :). You have strong pen when you are presenting some place, and you make it so close to the reader. Indeed, this is very vivid. Aleksandra Quote The poet is a liar who always speaks the truth - Jean Cocteau History of Macedonia Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
waxwings Posted March 15, 2010 Share Posted March 15, 2010 Sweet and entertaining. I believe you know how good this composition is. I am a bit befuddled by a certain uncertainty about what happened, which may be good, but is the 'lovely' what I think you hint she is?! Or why would you go with her to the ferry. And if she is, 50 cents for the fare is a piddle, since you certainly would expect to pay more for her. But I forgive you, because you having to buy an umbrella for 5 Hong Kong is a wonderful surprise/fun discovery of perhaps a lady opportunist. Literary quibbles. A necessary but a bit lengthy a dissertation on who smells like what. I almost quit atline 18, but, fortunately, I had read some of your your work. I think you can drop "finally', in stanza 1 and why devils if you translate the idiom as addressing a singular Devil. Somewhat further, you speak of black shiny .. black hair that is "carefully tumbling" or was it tumbled. Regardless, I thank you much for a lovely read, even if I am misinterpreting some of it. Let's have more of your travelogues. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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