worm Posted March 23, 2010 Share Posted March 23, 2010 (edited) I am a worm not the nauseous one who wiggles into your body pretending to do good deeds but investigate and snatch your guts to study the law of intestines nor the vicious one who creeps into your apple lurking for your bite tittering at your cry I am the worm a nice one with a little lantern to lead the way at night singing a luscious song soundless in my blue flight low and high Edited April 27, 2010 by worm Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
douglas Posted March 23, 2010 Share Posted March 23, 2010 i enjoyed the images and thoughts in this poem. very nice. left me with a smile. thank you. Quote To receive love, you have to give it... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
goldenlangur Posted March 23, 2010 Share Posted March 23, 2010 Hi worm, Nice to meet you :D How imaginatively you lead the reader to the enchanting beauty of a glowworm. I agree with douglas, that your poem concludes on a lovely note: ...I am the worm a nice one with a little lantern to lead the way at night singing a luscious song soundless in my blue flight low and high Quote goldenlangur Even a single enemy is too many and a thousand friends too few - Bhutanese saying. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
badger11 Posted March 24, 2010 Share Posted March 24, 2010 charming worm badge Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worm Posted March 24, 2010 Author Share Posted March 24, 2010 thanks douglas, goldenlangur, badge for your sweet words. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lake Posted March 25, 2010 Share Posted March 25, 2010 This brings to mind Whitman's (mega) poem "Song of Myself". The only nit from me is that maybe you can loose "a nice one" in the line below, which, to me, is telly? I am the worm a nice one with a little lantern Nice one. Lake Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tonyv Posted March 25, 2010 Share Posted March 25, 2010 A lovely little song, Worm. The form makes the poem especially appealing. It's not too long and not too short; it's just right. Tony Quote Here is a link to an index of my works on this site: tonyv's Member Archive topic Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dr_con Posted March 25, 2010 Share Posted March 25, 2010 Agree with all- just a plain fun ditty... Well done! DC&J Quote thegateless.org Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worm Posted March 27, 2010 Author Share Posted March 27, 2010 (edited) This brings to mind Whitman's (mega) poem "Song of Myself". The only nit from me is that maybe you can loose "a nice one" in the line below, which, to me, is telly? I am the worm a nice one with a little lantern Nice one. Lake sorry lake i didn't get you by saying maybe you can loose "a nice one" in the line below, would you make it clear? sorry for asking. i haven't read Whiteman's Song of Myself yet, but with your reference, i'll do that soon. thanks for your time. Edited March 27, 2010 by worm Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worm Posted March 27, 2010 Author Share Posted March 27, 2010 A lovely little song, Worm. The form makes the poem especially appealing. It's not too long and not too short; it's just right. Tony i'm very happy with your acceptance of the form. thanks for applaud Tony. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worm Posted March 27, 2010 Author Share Posted March 27, 2010 Agree with all- just a plain fun ditty... Well done! DC&J thanks dr_con! your words are invigorating. much appreciated. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worm Posted April 27, 2010 Author Share Posted April 27, 2010 This brings to mind Whitman's (mega) poem "Song of Myself". The only nit from me is that maybe you can loose "a nice one" in the line below, which, to me, is telly? I am the worm a nice one with a little lantern Nice one. Lake hi Lake, I'm brushing up my poems suddenly when I recall something unsettled for this. it, to you, is not telly but because I'm silly.... now I take your suggestion and have it fixed: I am the worm a nice one with a little lantern excuse me for the slowness. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
waxwings Posted April 30, 2010 Share Posted April 30, 2010 This brings to mind Whitman's (mega) poem "Song of Myself". The only nit from me is that maybe you can loose "a nice one" in the line below, which, to me, is telly? I am the worm a nice one with a little lantern Nice one. Lake hi Lake, I'm brushing up my poems suddenly when I recall something unsettled for this. it, to you, is not telly but because I'm silly.... now I take your suggestion and have it fixed: I am the worm a nice one with a little lantern excuse me for the slowness. What Lake means is that the 'rule' of a poem being better with the least words, just enough to transmit the ide/thought/message. In this case you give us, right after "a nice one", a description that makes us see you are "a nice one" without expressly telling us so. Cross out those three words. They dilute the message. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
waxwings Posted April 30, 2010 Share Posted April 30, 2010 This is an exquisite poem and the second 'stanza' is superb in conveying a believable observation and view/attitude. The first part is no slouch either, with its mix of the humorous and nearly macabre. But I would suggest you check out the connotations of the werbs and the 'fancier' words in it to make sure they deliver that exact shade of meaning you intended them to. Be careful of some verb-preposition couplings. One or two are alien to the Englisdh vernacular spoken in the USA. The errors for even native speakers is the inability to feel if a verb is transitive or intransitive in the context if not in terms of what the dictionary say. Thanks for the wonderful experience your poem has gifted me with. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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