Lake Posted April 6, 2010 Share Posted April 6, 2010 Sparrows Walking through the dusk, I spotted a brown bird, alone amid tall grass, calling hysterically like a lost child, and limping as it saw me approaching. I cupped it in my hands, took it home, tended it with a few seeds, some water and comforted it in a cage hanging by the window. Morning was awakened by a swarm of sparrows swooping around my house, bumping against the glass-pane, chirping, shrieking as if to break into the confinement to rescue the prisoner. With a bang, a small body, from the collision with the window, dropped, and then, another, another … That astounded me most of all. I opened the door. . Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dr_con Posted April 6, 2010 Share Posted April 6, 2010 Lake, A surprising piece- beautiful in its simplicity and yet with a profound and direct message- Really lovely work- I felt the tension hurt and sudden freedom... Very impressed! DC&J Quote thegateless.org Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tonyv Posted April 6, 2010 Share Posted April 6, 2010 I agree with Dr. Con's remarks about this piece, Lake. I'll also add that the poem's style reminds me of James Wright, who happens to be one of my favorite poets. Tony Quote Here is a link to an index of my works on this site: tonyv's Member Archive topic Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lake Posted April 6, 2010 Author Share Posted April 6, 2010 Thank you Dr. Con, I like how you read it. I was afraid it might be too simple, but am glad you read something profound. With appreciation. Lake Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lake Posted April 7, 2010 Author Share Posted April 7, 2010 Hi Tony, What can I say - I've been reading James Wright. But I'm still far away from his works. Lots to learn and I'm pleased that it reminds you of James Wright. You have such an ability to recognize nuances in other's works. Many thanks. Lake Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worm Posted April 7, 2010 Share Posted April 7, 2010 lake, I like the way you split the lines. I'm not very sure of the word bang in the second part L7. Is it too heavy, too big for this small body? I may choose flop instead. a lovely poem, keen in discernment. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lake Posted April 8, 2010 Author Share Posted April 8, 2010 I see what you mean, worm. A flop from a bird is a bang on my heart. As dr.con said "hurt", indeed. Best, Lake Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
badger11 Posted April 9, 2010 Share Posted April 9, 2010 My cultural visual was Hitchcock's film, but either way nicely played out. Personally I would have locked the door in the face of such an onslaught. badge Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lake Posted April 11, 2010 Author Share Posted April 11, 2010 Hi badger, I havn't seen the film, I guess I have to find time to do that. Probably, I should've written "I set the bird free". :) Thanks, Lake Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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