Narrow

[dr_con]

Narrow

 

Alley between things

autoshops evergreen

sidewalk storms split

by sun spring selfish

wrapped in wind and concrete-

 

No that's not it

Glimpse hillocks

like a boy being

living in suburbs

flatlands keys

open identical doorways conform-

 

Memories failed

living in toyland

bottles broken

motorcycles cars

being an adult

means we never

need to clean up after the bar closes-

 

Why does he run his fingers along that ledge-

He's not here

neither am I

we are lost

Time lies

 

Pretending to be linear hiding in clocks and calculus-

Shh shh

Don't tell

where I am

 

Motion goes forward

but I'm with Mom

or my daughter

cost of a beer

cigarettes

Plans for the future with eyes of the past-

 

Not here in the narrow now-

 

Gotcha-

 

Your turn to look behind

infinite distractions

this alley

between

things

1

2

3

-

[waxwings]

Fascinating. Interesting form makes the title appropriate. Many good lines. Is your intent to suggest an observation that it is substance induced, because, next to reasonably lucid passages, i.e., those that make total sense even though syntactically incomplete, there are quite a few that are totally off the wall to me, e.g., L4 S1, L1 S3, L6 S4 & rest. I am assuming it is a significant poem--unfinished.

Edited April 13, 2010 by waxwings

[Larsen M. Callirhoe]

well worth the read. very intersting. what you are trying to relate to im clueless. this flows perfectly. i enjoyed but as i said to you before im not the smartest person around. i forget to much. my mind is not sharp luke it used tobe. i blame most of that on the car accident i had about 14 yeas ago.

 

victor

[worm]

This is prosaic memory of the alley where I grew up. The title and the form, I agree with waxwings, are perfectly coupled.

 

Now we are not there. Time goes by, life carries on, but from time to time the alley is reviewed. narrow is the vista of the recall, the tension, the loose, the scene, the things and the people...,infinite distractions. I like the conciseness in your work.

 

let me try paraphrasing some lines,

by sun spring selfish

is it by selfish spring sun? if so, what effect this inversion aims to achieve?

 

Memories failed

living in toyland

bottles broken

motorcycles cars

 

memories are scattered for childhood, only some toys and mischievous things, like toy cars, broken bottles etc.

 

There should be more in the deep, but I can only stop at this level. waiting to read more comments, to adjust my comprehension.

A lovely reminiscent poem. Thanks dr_con for the post!

Edited April 14, 2010 by worm

[tonyv]

I love the urban setting, Dr. Con, especially as displayed in the first and second verses. The latter is particularly powerful, supercharged, with its city limits imagery.

 

The poem itself reads like that Proustian moment discussed in Goldenlangur's most recent topic. It seems to toggle between past and present, between decades. This part in particular has that effect on me:

 

Motion goes forward

but I'm with Mom

or my daughter

cost of a beer

cigarettes

Plans for the future with eyes of the past-

Narrow is visually pleasing. And yes, the title certainly matches the content.

 

Tony

[dr_con]

Many thanks all!

 

Tony indeed trying to capture the non-linearity of time/experience- Thanks for getting that...

 

Worm- yes indeed the outline of memory and the present with time playing hide and seek-;-)

 

Victor- ultimately the failure of comprehension is mine- not yours but I'm glad you enjoyed regardless...

 

Ikars- Thanks for the review- we will see if I return and edit this piece later or if I simply steal from it ;-) Appreciate the feedback and the possible future fodder! ;-)

 

DC&J

[waxwings]

Many thanks all!

 

Tony indeed trying to capture the non-linearity of time/experience- Thanks for getting that...

 

Worm- yes indeed the outline of memory and the present with time playing hide and seek-;-)

 

Victor- ultimately the failure of comprehension is mine- not yours but I'm glad you enjoyed regardless...

 

Ikars- Thanks for the review- we will see if I return and edit this piece later or if I simply steal from it ;-) Appreciate the feedback and the possible future fodder! ;-)

 

DC&J

 

Please note that I see any poem as being a bipartite composition: the poem as conceived, the heart of the poem (for lack of being able to fully express the notion) and the poem as written on the page, which sometimes only hints, to a greater or lesser extent, what the 'heart' is trying to say.

 

I, love this poem for its intensity and the urgency which it seems to have been written under. The poem-as-written is subject to some editing/revision even when there is no doubt about the value/significance of its 'heart'. When I can I tend to encourage the author to try as hard as is possible to retain most of the words and images, for they are significant., because a poem when born has all the essentials not always easy to be captured in mere words, phrases and sentences and, as time passes, the impetus may fade. Therefore, a revision should be attempted ASAP to pin down the essentials. After that is done, the significant elements can be reinvoked, thus letting us continue revising/polishing w/o perverting the first impetus.

 

In my travels, I have heard poets--much better than I'll ever be--say that, like in any communication the majority of words should be nouns and verbs. Verbs are especially significant, for they more than anything else 'suggest' what drove the poet and lack of sufficient verbs tends to make the poem perhaps more static than its essential contenrs seem to be.

 

I am going to take a bit more time to form a better analysis of such than I have had time to do justice to. It really pains me when I see my soul-sisters/brothers-in-poetry not try ot have time for making any of their poems stand for all that they can.

 

Keep on writing.

[badger11]

So much to enjoy in this read. The title evokes and resonates and invites me to read on. The read doesn't disappoint. Personally, literally, I do take refuge in simple differentiation and integration. On the other hand I quite enjoy floating in the liquidity of 'infinite distractions' as well.

 

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