worm Posted April 19, 2010 Share Posted April 19, 2010 (edited) Smaller than a pea quieter than a bee winging in front of my eyes fluttering in transparent flight bird of mini noiselessly she perches on my booklet clothed in dotted scarlet exquisite by nature a befriending creature Lady Flora-- lovely as we call moving-- as if wheeled, gliding stirred-- flies away my timid fay Edited April 20, 2010 by worm Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
badger11 Posted April 19, 2010 Share Posted April 19, 2010 A whimsical write worm. I particularly enjoyed the musicality of the opening couplet. badge Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worm Posted April 20, 2010 Author Share Posted April 20, 2010 Thanks badge for appreciation. I’ve added one more line a befriending creature to S2, which tells of the most important virtues of Lady Flora ( I failed to find a better place or expression for this in the first input ) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dr_con Posted April 20, 2010 Share Posted April 20, 2010 Warm, wonderful and whimsical worm... Agree with badge and the beauty of the Ladybug- just a sweet write.. DC&J Quote thegateless.org Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tonyv Posted April 20, 2010 Share Posted April 20, 2010 I agree with Badge and Dr. Con. This is delightful, Worm! :) I especially like "bird of mini." I also like "a befriending creature"; I'm glad you added that in. Tony Quote Here is a link to an index of my works on this site: tonyv's Member Archive topic Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worm Posted April 22, 2010 Author Share Posted April 22, 2010 Warm, wonderful and whimsical worm... Agree with badge and the beauty of the Ladybug- just a sweet write.. DC&J thanks dr_con! but I would call her ladybird, the same meaning as ladybug though. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worm Posted April 22, 2010 Author Share Posted April 22, 2010 I agree with Badge and Dr. Con. This is delightful, Worm! :) I especially like "bird of mini." I also like "a befriending creature"; I'm glad you added that in. Tony I like your short but sweet comment Tony. thanks for it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lake Posted April 23, 2010 Share Posted April 23, 2010 (edited) Light and sweet. I like the sound of the beginning two lines, but semantically I struggle with line two. Smaller than a pea -- the comparison with a pea gives the reader a picture that this creature is even smaller than a pea. quieter than a bee -- the comparison with a bee puzzles me a bit. Usually, bee is noisy. Does it imply that it also makes noise but not as loud as a bee? But the word "noiselessly" at the beginning of the second stanza doesn't support this interpretation. This poem is light as a breeze. Lake Edited April 23, 2010 by Lake Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worm Posted April 25, 2010 Author Share Posted April 25, 2010 (edited) Light and sweet. I like the sound of the beginning two lines, but semantically I struggle with line two. Smaller than a pea -- the comparison with a pea gives the reader a picture that this creature is even smaller than a pea. normally we don't do such a comparison, but with your fogs, I read some relevant material that backs my line. it says, in general, a ladybird is half size of a pea. quieter than a bee -- the comparison with a bee puzzles me a bit. Usually, bee is noisy. Does it imply that it also makes noise but not as loud as a bee? But the word "noiselessly" at the beginning of the second stanza doesn't support this interpretation. sure you can read the hidden meaning for a less noisy ladybird. but who knows she doesn't make any noise when she gorges herself on aphids? I can even bodly assert that she screams, just imperceptible to our unaided ears. This poem is light as a breeze. I'm glad it carries something lighter to you. Lake Thanks for your peruse Lake. Edited April 25, 2010 by worm Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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