Where the Roots Have Not Rotted

[Aleksandra]

A single seed or stone can become a poem.

Here the hardpan calls my name.

 

I am under the same tree where my

grandfather rested his tired legs.

I walk down to the river where my grandmother

and her mother washed clothes.

 

How much my eyes can see on this simple day of May!

Alone, I stare at the taciturn, carefree field.

[tonyv]

A lovely pastoral work with a cultural undercurrent, Alek. Happy first of May holiday and thank you for this idyllic welcome to summer!

 

Tony

[waxwings]

Very, very nice, Alex. I know that feeling too well and you made me cry.

 

BTW, the American idiom would have "every inch of ground" instead of "length", , in L2, "simple day in May, not "of May", in L7, and "care free", in L9, rather than careless", because careless is more like uncaring, disinterested or even sloppy/slipshod.

Edited May 3, 2010 by waxwings

[dr_con]

Excellent Aleks! A wonderful May-Day reflection-a fine, fine piece- You captured the feeling perfectly...

 

 

Many, many Thanks..

 

DC&J

[Lake]

Hi Alex,

 

Glad to see you posting again. Very nice poem, it has such a longing feel to it. I like how you write people in the natural setting, which makes it both beautiful and tear-jerking. I have to agree with waxwings that "inch" instead of "length" sounds more natural, though I understand what you mean. I took the day of May as May Day, so it works for me.

 

Cheers,

 

Lake

[Tinker]

WOW!

 

Aleks, this poem was simply stunning in its simplicity. Saying more would be useless. Thank you for sharing this piece with us.

 

~~Tink

[Larsen M. Callirhoe]

Wow Aleks other then what waxwings pointed out this is excellent work. You are blossoming into a world class poet imo. I applaud you. I'm in love with your recent poems.

 

I could only hope to emulate your writings in some ways.

 

Happy Mayday. I celebrated it by having a milkshake with my parents. My family celebrated the mayday holiday till my great grandma passed away in august 1991. Even though the holiday fell on different days we always celebrated it on the following Sunday of the month. God may her soul rest in peace. She was from Norway, Norwegian and they celebrated that holiday.

[Aleksandra]

A lovely pastoral work with a cultural undercurrent, Alek. Happy first of May holiday and thank you for this idyllic welcome to summer!

 

Tony

 

Tony, you always have beautiful words for my poems and, I am glad because of that. You always encourage me. Thank you ;) .

 

PS: Bw, Memorial Day is the unofficial start of summer :) ( I wonder why you are having white shirts before that day :icon_razz: ). Anyways, I hope we all have a good start of summer ;) .

 

PPS: And I hope you like my new avatar :) . Me, reading a book that I got from you " Above the River " - J. Wright at the Mayday, when I wrote this poem while I was in the village where my father's family comes from.

 

Aleksandra

[Aleksandra]

Very, very nice, Alex. I know that feeling too well and you made me cry.

 

BTW, the American idiom would have "every inch of ground" instead of "length", , in L2, "simple day in May, not "of May", in L7, and "care free", in L9, rather than careless", because careless is more like uncaring, disinterested or even sloppy/slipshod.

 

Dear, waxwings. I'm glad the poem triggered an emotional response in you. That means it's working on some level.

 

You always have good ideas and you make the writer look back again at the poem. Thank you for your suggestions. I will use carefree instead of careless. Carefree is what I meant. But, I am taking another look at the poem, and I would like to change some more things, so I will add a revision soon above the original. But for now yes I'll edit and put the word carefree. As for day of / in May, I am not so sure because I have something else in my mind. Inch - yes you are right, but probably Ill remove length because I will go with something else there. So, as I said I will take another look at the whole poem and see what I can do. Thank you for your always awaken eye.

 

Aleksandra :)

[Aleksandra]

Excellent Aleks! A wonderful May-Day reflection-a fine, fine piece- You captured the feeling perfectly...

 

 

Many, many Thanks..

 

DC&J

 

Thank you, Juris. I tried to capture all that I felt that day and to express myself in some way.

 

Aleksandra

[Aleksandra]

Hi Alex,

 

Glad to see you posting again. Very nice poem, it has such a longing feel to it. I like how you write people in the natural setting, which makes it both beautiful and tear-jerking. I have to agree with waxwings that "inch" instead of "length" sounds more natural, though I understand what you mean. I took the day of May as May Day, so it works for me.

 

Cheers,

 

Lake

 

Hello, Lake. I enjoyed reading your thoughts here. And yes, you took it the right way. The poem was written on May Day; it's connected with it. Why?! Because on that day my father's entire family traditionally gets together in the village where its roots are. And being there on that day always inspires me to write a poem provoked by nature and the peace found there. All of this makes me think of my history and generally life in the past.

 

Thanks for your comment.

 

Aleksandra

[Aleksandra]

WOW!

 

Aleks, this poem was simply stunning in its simplicity. Saying more would be useless. Thank you for sharing this piece with us.

 

~~Tink

 

Thank you, Tinker, for your voice of support for the poem's simple style. I was worried that this poem is too simple, but now I feel better.

 

Alek

[Aleksandra]

Wow Aleks other then what waxwings pointed out this is excellent work. You are blossoming into a world class poet imo. I applaud you. I'm in love with your recent poems.

 

I could only hope to emulate your writings in some ways.

 

Happy Mayday. I celebrated it by having a milkshake with my parents. My family celebrated the mayday holiday till my great grandma passed away in august 1991. Even though the holiday fell on different days we always celebrated it on the following Sunday of the month. God may her soul rest in peace. She was from Norway, Norwegian and they celebrated that holiday.

 

Ah, Victor, :icon_redface: I'm speechless. If a friend doesn't say such nice words to you, who else will? :) . Thank you my dear friend. I hope your milkshake was good. Here we celebrated with a barbecue - everywhere you can see grills and smoke on this day, ( of course wine and brandy also :icon_razz: ). But I use the day to escape and have a break :).

 

Glad you like this poem, Vic.

 

Aleksandra

[badger11]

I can hear your voice in your words Aleks. Nothing manufactured. The sense of belonging and continuity, warmth, is clear. An uplifting read my friend.

 

badge

Edited May 9, 2010 by badger11

[JoelJosol]

Nice poem of recollection, re-visiting familiar places.

[Aleksandra]

I can hear your voice in your words Aleks. Nothing manufactured. The sense of belonging and continuity, warmth, is clear. An uplifting read my friend.

 

badge

My pleasure, badge. I am glad you took this poem same as I felt before I even wrote it.

 

Aleksandra

[Aleksandra]

Nice poem of recollection, re-visiting familiar places.

 

Thanks, Joel. Re-visiting those places is always exciting, and emotional, as well.

 

Aleksandra

[Aleksandra]

I revised the poem. Here is the original version:

 

 

Where the Roots Have Not Rotted (Original Version)

 

A single seed or stone can become a poem.

Here, every length of ground calls my name.

 

I am under the same tree where my

grandfather rested his tired legs.

I walk down to the river where my grandmother

and her mother washed clothes.

 

How much my eyes can see on this simple day of May!

Alone, I stare at the beautiful, carefree field.

[tonyv]

Small changes have yielded major improvements in this poem, Alek. I love your choice of hardpan to describe the territory. Hardpan is difficult to deal with and can present problems with farming, drainage, irrigation, etc. This tips the reader off that there's more to the poem than simply the pastoral. It gets beneath the topsoil. It "digs deeper."

 

I also like how you've opted to use "taciturn" in lieu of the more abstract and overused "beautiful" to describe the "carefree" field. Though the field is carefree as it ever was, it is nevertheless habitually untalkative, silent. Austerity, hard work, suffering -- whatever secrets it harbors, it's not about to reveal them any time soon.

 

Tony

[Aleksandra]

Thank you, Tony. I am glad you give a background of this poem, so it's more clear even to me :). The choosing the word "hardpan" is not actually that I am describing the territory as much as the metaphorical meaning that I am using from the word. I knew it was missing something at that part of the poem, and also at the ending part. I wanted to add something to the sense of this poem, something more out of my real feelings for that place.

 

It's always nice to contribute with you :). Thank you.

 

Aleksandra