Stars

[dr_con]

Stars

 

It is always dawn somewhere

we are always revolving into the light

Our origin baffles us breaking matter and motion

into a billion billion extended by an infinite billion

pieces each one precious each one seeing only the enfolding

mother the backdrop to suns pretending to be stars

singular in their suchness but truth be told

 

We believe our dreams are us

and authentic voice is night

darker than black

the Absence that Travels

 

This morning

birdsong and shadows

called through the window-

Rest here a moment

enjoy what the day brings

welcome home and step back into the light.

[Tinker]

Hi DC, This is a little different from your other work. I felt the first stanza was vast like the solar system but a little wordy. I related better to the last 2 stanzas which were more concrete. Especially the last stanza that simply made me comfortable and brought a smile to my face. Nice...

 

~~Tink

[tonyv]

I love the poem's subject matter -- stars! -- and its compact lyrical form. For me, the first verse works as a profound introduction to the poem's cosmic persona, that incalculable, ever-changing aggregate of luminaries which only a billion billion extended by an infinite billion can describe. "Darker than black" and "the Absence that Travels" are also inspired. The way the first and second verses resolve into the last remind me a lot of Trakl's "A Winter Night." Enjoyed the continuum, Juris.

 

Tony

[dr_con]

Thanks Tinker, Tony- Tinker you got the 'feel' I was aiming for exactly! Tony, I'm flattered;-)

 

Many Thanks for dropping in and commenting!

 

DC&J

[waxwings]

Stars

 

It is always dawn somewhere

we are always revolving into the light

Our origin baffles us * breaking matter and motion ~~~~~~~ neds some connective tissue.

into a billion billion extended by an infinite billion

pieces each one precious each one seeing only the enfolding

mother the backdrop to suns pretending to be stars

singular in their suchness but truth be told

 

We believe our dreams are us

and authentic voice is night ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Did you mean "and night is an authentic voice" but I like the idea anyway.

darker than black

the Absence that Travels ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ?

 

This morning

birdsong and shadows

called through the window. (- ?) ~~~~~~ Why not "beckoned" to include "shadows", usually voiceless, as well.

Rest here a moment

enjoy what the day brings

welcome home and step back into the light.

 

All in all agreat poetic idea to say what we always knew/expected but could not utter. Yea, man, it is the personal view that is shared by all mankind that makes for good poetry.

 

That is a marvelous first line.

Probably because it is so obviously true that

I did not expect it.

The second probably could be as good

if you were to use "turning toward"

rather than "rotating into".

Judson Jerome would say,

Anglo-Saxon context

dislikes Latinate words.

I say, things that revolve

keep on going around around around

and never into anything

but themselves.

 

Everything else

and otherwise is fine but

I am baffled by trying to

figure out how

we are bei'n baffled by* breaking

matter and motion et al

In effect,

there is something rotten at that point

in the state of semantics.

 

And I certainly would like to meet Absence.

 

This is ribbing you back for saying that the reader sees the poem better than the author, or so I thought you said, and if I'm wrong, do tell me. :icon_redface:

[JoelJosol]

First, I find the first part heavy in structure, as in volume of words relative to the lightness of the latter part.

 

It made the billion echo in form and volume, DrC.

[Lake]

Hi Dr. Con,

 

I have the same feel as what Tinker expressed. Though S1 is dense and grand compared with the next two, I'm impressed by the lucidity of the idea in these long, unpunctuated lines. A macro/micro picture is what I perceive.

 

Thanks for the contrast.

 

Lake