dr_con Posted May 18, 2010 Share Posted May 18, 2010 (edited) Above the Current I'm a superstitious atheist she said O I understand wouldn't it be nice if science and suicide were legal and when the time came we could be launched into Space just a human without class or hate race or wealth religion or health back into the original womb gravity a wholly different Law burning across the night sky instead of sitting in this well Doing what she said O fish- ing on a river interacting with the memory of gills and hunger and float just a spark of need among first embers creating stories of survival and fire before we flash electric and final that tiny instant before we go Out. The Memory of Gills The fishermen curse Ospreys eat and cry beneath the surface Shad and Bass play Riled land-mammals Kings of two thumbs oppose and dual by a tad separated inserting gods-devils a clever forgetting We are born in-sea so far from land fickle and reckless out-there where even gilled dragons once feared to tread repeating endless stories from no-where No not nothing but something moving West- Moving from liquid to matter due to return anytime now. Stories from Nowhere They hit and hug walk and talk pretending to be parents friends enemies teachers lovers you these people, these stories from nowhere some speak The Language of Birds But most converse in Rock or Build or shout in Chain having flocked to Mesopotamia leaving Grow and Hunt for domestication urban husbandry half-god mostly animal rhetorics We still tell tribal tales beneath these violations of Earth Water Sky and Fire imagining we're from somewhere anywhere but bad translations of want and need and here and now constantly singing in evermore elaborate ways our unborn and undying love for it all. Edited May 20, 2010 by dr_con Quote thegateless.org Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
waxwings Posted May 19, 2010 Share Posted May 19, 2010 I like the idea of the three parts trickling each down to a single image, esp. since the last also serves as a summation, but seems that the effort (which is the first thing one is bound to notice) to form a perhaps too smooth a shortening of successive lines, is not imaginatively consistent with what they say, and one wonders if it is not more artifice than art, esp. in view that the last part does not follow the architecture of the first two strictly because there are those two near equal lines at the end. I am not really finding fault, just wondering if you notice that possibility, and I certainly like the poem, the more powerful the closer to the end which is unexceptional. I strongly urge you to consider a comma or two in the right places, because w/o them you seem to rush what is basically a very contemplative poem. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tonyv Posted May 20, 2010 Share Posted May 20, 2010 I've read this about five times already, and I plan to read it again a number of times, Juris. It's sonic effects and compact, lyrical form are pleasing to me. Interestingly, the poem comes at the right time -- the stars must be aligned -- because it's mood matches my own contemplative mood these recent days. [Yesterdays apod pic of the day (with description) had the same effect.] Anyway, I loved the double meaning of current (river/electric) which I garnered from this. Tony Quote Here is a link to an index of my works on this site: tonyv's Member Archive topic Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dr_con Posted May 20, 2010 Author Share Posted May 20, 2010 Thanks WW! as always your comments are very useful... I've edited by adding the next 2 in the series to get more of a feel about what's going on... Many Thanks, DC&J Quote thegateless.org Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dr_con Posted May 20, 2010 Author Share Posted May 20, 2010 Tony, You must have posted while I was doing edits- The APOD picture was on my PC all day and as people passed I would point to it and all went: Whoa or Wow ;-) Me too... Thanks for dropping in.... DC&J Quote thegateless.org Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tonyv Posted May 21, 2010 Share Posted May 21, 2010 Tony, You must have posted while I was doing edits- The APOD picture was on my PC all day and as people passed I would point to it and all went: Whoa or Wow ;-) Me too... Thanks for dropping in.... DC&J Incredible! I, too, had it as my wallpaper on my computer and on my phone! And it prompted me to look find the following link: Great Gallery I plan to explore this link (and your additional poems!) tomorrow. I shall return! Tony :D Hmmm ... I wonder what they used to make the paintings. I mean, what could be so durable to last 5,000-7,000 years? And why do your poems (on the screen/page) look like the paintings??? I shall return ... Quote Here is a link to an index of my works on this site: tonyv's Member Archive topic Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
waxwings Posted May 22, 2010 Share Posted May 22, 2010 My first response was to the first pom. The other two must have been added later and are not touched by my comments. Consequently, I am all at sea re what you, Juri, are saying if it respods to my comments. Same for anything beyond you and tony are talking about. But I do enjoy that photograph, and thanks to tony for pointing to the source. I took a look and found there are many other fantastic photos and the latest astronomical finding about very massive planets being kicked out of galaxies/nebulae. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dr_con Posted May 22, 2010 Author Share Posted May 22, 2010 No worries Ikars! I was responding only to you originally and then I saw Tony's post;-) Thanks for commenting! DC&J Quote thegateless.org Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tonyv Posted May 22, 2010 Share Posted May 22, 2010 Okay, I'm back.:) As promised, here are some thoughts on the additional poems. Aside from other more obvious sentiments, from the second poem I get the notion that nothing can survive for long out of its environment. No matter how well he may try to adapt (e.g. with diving gear), a human is not designed for the water and thus does not stand a chance against a shark. Conversely, it's unlikely that a beached shark would be a threat to anyone. The third poem functions like a reminder. No matter how advanced mankind might become, there's no erasing of genetic history, that undercurrent of the primal. The Memory of Gills and Stories from Nowhere complement the original work (and each other) quite well. Enjoyed the series. Tony Quote Here is a link to an index of my works on this site: tonyv's Member Archive topic Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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