The Shadow Guardian

[poetjohncompton]

the sky is not unusual

just repellent of color;

the sun is gelded

from the sky.

 

the rain is pungent

wiping in the wind

& small needles pierce

unclothed skin.

 

i sit like a hoodlum

waiting for you

in this godforsaken weather

 

and to question

as to do i

really love you.

[Aleksandra]

Nice words, John. I loved your new poems. You make a good images in this poem, and good expressions also.

I especially like:

i sit like a hoodlum

waiting for you

in this godforsaken weather

 

Very well done. I enjoyed a lot all your poem I've got from you.

 

Hopefully you'll be back soon.

 

Aleksandra

[goldenlangur]

Hi MP,

 

 

How well you use the elements to mirror the mood and emotions here:

 

 

the rain is pungent

wiping in the wind

& small needles pierce

unclothed skin.

 

There's a sense of a Christ-like suffering in the images of the elements and the unclothed skin

 

 

I find this detail intriguing:

 

I sit like a hoodlum

 

 

 

Good to read your work again.

 

 

Thank you.

[waxwings]

Poem has excellent thrust and the kind of logical and chronological progression I enjoy and wish Iwas capable of more often. Much to like about this poem except as below. A crisper orthography might make it a tad easier to read (meaning no need to retrace to see what phrase/thought a word is supposed to belong to. Do we need an e e cummings the Second.

 

the sky is not unusual

just repellent of color; ~~~~~ just curious, did you by chance mean "re-plete of color" or "repelling (all) color"!!

the sun is gelded ~~~~~~~~ have hard time guessing: what was cut off to "geld" the sun!!!?

from the sky.

 

the rain is pungent

wiping in the wind ~~~~~~~~ whipped by the wind?

& small needles pierce

unclothed skin.

 

i sit like a hoodlum

waiting for you

in this godforsaken weather

 

and to question

as to do i

really love you.

Edited June 1, 2010 by waxwings

[tonyv]

Short and to the point, John. I can sense the speaker's ambivalence; for me, it's especially apparent in the third verse.

 

Tony