The Almost Murder Of _________

[poetjohncompton]

blood flowered out like a red orchid

and tattooed the side of her arm

in a warmth gateway,

. . . had she not been awake.

[waxwings]

Very nice feel to this, but there is lot of peripheral vagueness re where, what, who. Could it stand a bit of fleshing out? Just enough to put the reader in situ. Feelings alone can be suspect.

 

Thanks for the concise read.

[Lake]

Hello MP,

 

Glad to see you posting.

 

blood flowered out like a red orchid

and tattooed the side of her arm

 

Great opening lines, very powerful, or beautifully morbid.

Excellent use of the word "flowered", at first I thought you meant "flowed" but the "orchid" after it made me believe it is "flowered".

 

in a warmth gateway,

. . . had she not been awake.

 

Not so sure about "warmth gateway", using "warmth" as an adjective.

 

Short and powerful.

 

Lake

[dr_con]

Almost murder=suicide? A going too, an away from- a nice nugget hanging between...

 

Nice MP!

 

 

DC&J

[Larsen M. Callirhoe]

very morbid my friend. i miss your beautiful face around here my friend.

 

michael aka larsen m. callirhoe

[tonyv]

I like how this can be read several different ways. The second line can be followed by a pause, or it can be read straight through into the third. I also like your placement of the comma. The result is that a number of different interpretations can be had.

 

Tony