Jump to content
Poetry Magnum Opus

The Almost Murder Of _________


Recommended Posts

Very nice feel to this, but there is lot of peripheral vagueness re where, what, who. Could it stand a bit of fleshing out? Just enough to put the reader in situ. Feelings alone can be suspect.


Thanks for the concise read.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Hello MP,


Glad to see you posting.


blood flowered out like a red orchid

and tattooed the side of her arm


Great opening lines, very powerful, or beautifully morbid.

Excellent use of the word "flowered", at first I thought you meant "flowed" but the "orchid" after it made me believe it is "flowered".


in a warmth gateway,

. . . had she not been awake.


Not so sure about "warmth gateway", using "warmth" as an adjective.


Short and powerful.



Link to comment
Share on other sites

Larsen M. Callirhoe

very morbid my friend. i miss your beautiful face around here my friend.


michael aka larsen m. callirhoe

Larsen M. Callirhoe

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I like how this can be read several different ways. The second line can be followed by a pause, or it can be read straight through into the third. I also like your placement of the comma. The result is that a number of different interpretations can be had.



Here is a link to an index of my works on this site: tonyv's Member Archive topic

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.
Note: Your post will require moderator approval before it will be visible.

Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

  • Create New...

Important Information

By using this site, you agree to our Guidelines.