goldenlangur Posted June 4, 2010 Share Posted June 4, 2010 gray May This year on my father's death anniversary I go to work. It starts as a gray May dawn and the butter lamps give the prayer room a glow of gold. On the road with the stop-and-start of the traffic and the drizzle I half-listen to the radio: Is it Climate change : this Icelandic volcanic eruption and the early monsoon rain and storms? There's more news of a train crash in India, the Kenyan flower growers ruined by the volcano ash and flight cancellations and foreign tourists stranded in Delhi International Airport. At last light there is still a gray pall over the valley and the sun is a haze of orange. in dreams tombs in a churchyard tell of lives unconnected to mine and yet I wake up in tears for a loss I cannot name Quote goldenlangur Even a single enemy is too many and a thousand friends too few - Bhutanese saying. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tonyv Posted June 5, 2010 Share Posted June 5, 2010 It's an oddly familiar feeling that one experiences on the death anniversary; it's strikingly similar to the feelings experienced on the actual day of passing. Life just continues on around the survivor, and you've captured this effect poignantly in a solemn remembrance haibun. It persists from the gray May dawn till dusk: At last light there is still a gray pall over the valley and the sun is a haze of orange. The tanka takes it to a universal level. Others have been there, too. The speaker and the reader are not alone. Tony Quote Here is a link to an index of my works on this site: tonyv's Member Archive topic Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JoelJosol Posted June 5, 2010 Share Posted June 5, 2010 GL, you help re-create the emotions, the attempt to be distracted and the resolution in the end. I already lost my parents, my brother and own child. But, apparently, in my dreams, they are so alive and there unaware of their death, I enjoy their company again. When I wake up, I transition to a confused state and realization, they are no longer here. Quote "Words are not things, and yet they are not non-things either." - Ann Lauterbach Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Larsen M. Callirhoe Posted June 10, 2010 Share Posted June 10, 2010 wow my friend you captured how i felt after my great grandma died, i loved her very much. she was so righteous and outstanding citizen of the world. she explained stuff in a way i believe god would want us to believe. victor Quote Larsen M. Callirhoe Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
waxwings Posted June 13, 2010 Share Posted June 13, 2010 gray May This year on my father's death anniversary I go to work. It starts as a gray May dawn and the butter lamps give the prayer room a glow of gold. On the road with the stop-and-start of the traffic and the drizzle I half-listen to the radio: Is it Climate change : this Icelandic volcanic eruption and the early monsoon rain and storms? There's more news of a train crash in India, the Kenyan flower growers ruined by the volcano ash and flight cancellations and foreign tourists stranded in Delhi International Airport. At last light there is still a gray pall over the valley and the sun is a haze of orange. in dreams tombs in a churchyard tell of lives unconnected to mine and yet I wake up in tears for a loss I cannot name I 've never dreamt of tombs, but even if you left out the first line I would affirm the thought in the next two, and how can anyone not share what the last three lines say? You might consider making the first line be the fourth. Thanks for the excellent read. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dr_con Posted June 15, 2010 Share Posted June 15, 2010 Amazing! You tapped the deep feeling of mourning perfectly... A simply excellent piece GL! DC&J Quote thegateless.org Come on over and check out my poetry substack y'all;-) Or if your bored, head to the Zazzle store: https://www.zazzle.com/store/gateless. If you buy anything I lose a bet, so consider that before you violate the digital rules. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
shadowangel Posted June 19, 2010 Share Posted June 19, 2010 ~ this is the first I have read here, as I just joined but what a wonderful first read this is... an impactful piece...poignant...haunting...much enjoyed, my friend *hugs* Sasha xx Quote Visit My Website Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lake Posted June 23, 2010 Share Posted June 23, 2010 All has been said, golden. What I like is that the personal experience is embedded in a broader setting - the loss of father, volcano eruption, stranded tourists , monsoon, train crash etc. Enjoyed Lake Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
goldenlangur Posted July 10, 2010 Author Share Posted July 10, 2010 Hi Tony, JoelJosol, victor, waxwings, Dr Con, ShadowAngel (lovely to meet you! :D ) and Lake, Thank you very much for posting thoughtful comments and also some thoughts for improving this tanka prose. I apologize for not acknowledging this earlier due to work. Will return to respond more fully. Appreciate this feedback. Quote goldenlangur Even a single enemy is too many and a thousand friends too few - Bhutanese saying. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Aleksandra Posted July 14, 2010 Share Posted July 14, 2010 An exceptional piece, goldenlangur. The reader can feel the pain. Excellent! Aleksandra Quote The poet is a liar who always speaks the truth - Jean Cocteau History of Macedonia Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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