Tinker Posted May 10, 2009 Posted May 10, 2009 Bombastic (rewrite) Winter rain returns, not on tiptoes like silent snow-fairies or dancing dominos kicking in unison, but with the ballistic bounce of purple water balloons dropped from a third story window. ~~Judi Van Gorder Bombastic Winter rain returns not on tiptoes like silent snow-fairies or dancing dominoskicking in unison,to the tune of Dancing in the Rain, ------------ edited but with the ballistic bounce of purple water balloons dropped from a third story window. ~~Judi Van Gorder Quote ~~ © ~~ Poems by Judi Van Gorder ~~ For permission to use this work you can write to [email protected]
goldenlangur Posted May 10, 2009 Posted May 10, 2009 Hi Tink, What wonderful imageries to delight the senses - sound, colors, movement. The references to "fairies" (snow-fairies) and "balloons" ( purple balloons) lend a lovely child-like element of fun. Good use of alliterations : "dancing dominoes, ballistic bounce" enhance the cadence. Vivid and enjoyable! goldenlangur Quote goldenlangur Even a single enemy is too many and a thousand friends too few - Bhutanese saying.
Tinker Posted May 10, 2009 Author Posted May 10, 2009 Thank you GL, Living in the mountains just off the coast of the Pacific Ocean we get a lot of heavy rain in the winter. It can get depressing because it seems nonstop. We average 82 inches a year, all dumped on us in about 2 1/2 months. January and February are the heaviest months. So I was just trying to have fun with my environment. ~~Tinker Quote ~~ © ~~ Poems by Judi Van Gorder ~~ For permission to use this work you can write to [email protected]
JoelJosol Posted May 10, 2009 Posted May 10, 2009 I like the contrast 'tiptoes' versus 'ballistic bounce', Tink. Elegant. Quote "Words are not things, and yet they are not non-things either." - Ann Lauterbach
tonyv Posted May 10, 2009 Posted May 10, 2009 How true! We have had some winter rain recently, and it is indeed as you have described -- Bombastic. I like that the water balloons are purple. This one is compact and tight. Tony Quote Here is a link to an index of my works on this site: tonyv's Member Archive topic
Aleksandra Posted May 10, 2009 Posted May 10, 2009 Wonderful poem Tinker. I love the expressions, and sound so interesting in this poem. Like some feeling with a face of boomerang: Winter rain returns Much enjoyed. Aleksandra Quote The poet is a liar who always speaks the truth - Jean Cocteau History of Macedonia
Tinker Posted May 10, 2009 Author Posted May 10, 2009 Hi Joel, Thank you for commenting. I value your opinion. Hi Tony, East coast, west coast, we are getting dumped on. Actually we have had sun for the last 2 days thankfully. Thank you aleks, You mention a line most other posters have ignored, believe it or not I worked and reworked it before I came up with that simple line. Syntax and sonics were my primary objectives when writing this poem. I am revising the poem to remove the line, "to the tune of Dancing in the Rain". It really adds nothing and just kind of lies flat for me. ~~Tink Quote ~~ © ~~ Poems by Judi Van Gorder ~~ For permission to use this work you can write to [email protected]
badger11 Posted May 10, 2009 Posted May 10, 2009 I remember this from long ago Tink. Perhaps the first poem of yours I ever commented on. Those 'B' s stayed in the mind. Enjoyed the revisit badge Quote
Tinker Posted May 10, 2009 Author Posted May 10, 2009 Yes badge, I resurrected this, it's that time of year. ~~smile~~ Thanks for revisiting. ~~Tink Quote ~~ © ~~ Poems by Judi Van Gorder ~~ For permission to use this work you can write to [email protected]
Recommended Posts
Join the conversation
You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.
Note: Your post will require moderator approval before it will be visible.