Sincerely

[RHommel]

Sincerely

 

Her lips speak sweetness,

sugary spun cotton tales

that melt on his tongue.

She knows making lemonade

is easy with saccharine.

 

~Rachel Hommel

[Aleksandra]

Another nice piece, Rachel. This reminds me on one joke here:

a girl asks her boyfriend: "tell me one sweet word to me, honey" and the boy says: ..."marmalade" :).

 

Ok, as for this poem the natural outspoken lines shows real emotion of love, but also, at the end I feel some irony in small doze. That part makes this piece even better, imo.

I found interesting how you are picking up the titles for your poems posted so far, so I dare to ask if these poems are coming out from a proper poetry cycle of yours? I am asking because all together are connected between somehow, and I like to read them in a chain. Whatever it is, all poems have their own place and meaning.

 

Enjoyable read. Thank you for sharing your work with us.

 

Aleksandra

[RHommel]

I found interesting how you are picking up the titles for your poems posted so far, so I dare to ask if these poems are coming out from a proper poetry cycle of yours? I am asking because all together are connected between somehow, and I like to read them in a chain.

 

Hi Alek,

 

Thank you for your comments. The two shorter verses (Rapacious and Sincerely) were part of a tanka challenge (albeit both of them western variations on the form) issued to me this past winter (one per day for thirty days) and so were definitely colored by similar experiences. The longer one (Standing, an irregular ode) is from at least a year prior to that. There are more of course, even a few that are worthy of posting, but I am trying to stay within my weekly three poem limit to this forum. :) I'll post older poems and mix in some newer ones so people can get to know me as I get to know all of you in the coming weeks.

 

Again, thank you for your comments.

 

~Rachel

[Aleksandra]

Yes, that is what I meant! We would be happy to read more and more from you, Rachel.

Don't hesitate to post your poems in this Member Poetry (overflow) forum, as much as you wish, bw that is what that forum is :). But sure it's yours to decide, and anyway this is the place where the poems are most read, generally.

 

So enjoy, Rachel :).

 

Aleksandra

[badger11]

Love the discreet plays on artificiality.

 

badge

Edited July 28, 2010 by badger11

[Tinker]

Owch! Oh so sweet, oh so subtle, oh so phony! But not your writing... nothing phony about it... Well Done!

 

~~Tink

[Larsen M. Callirhoe]

this could read as a similie ora metaphor or just straight up. this is actually very well organized, thought-out, and compact. a excellent poem. i enjoyed reading and loved the humorous title which aleksandra writingthe joke dowm

 

aleks im still laughing reading that joke. that is howi think lol.

 

rahecl i think i am going to love your poetry. i love the administrators poetry on this forum tony and alek. you will find on this forum that the writers here unlikemost forums i have been on are well versed in poetry edicit. oh well forgot how to spell and i cant find my electronic dictionary. i think someone stole it. i paid 60 dollarsfor that puppy too lol. bastards.

 

a few forums out there have some good writers but they don't help those out still learning the craft. myb advice is you can be brave on this forum. as we are a family.

 

victor

[RHommel]

a few forums out there have some good writers but they don't help those out still learning the craft. myb advice is you can be brave on this forum. as we are a family.

 

Thanks, Victor... and I have definitely found you all very open-armed, which has been quite unusually pleasant. :D

[tonyv]

I like how Badge expressed his take; it needs no more elaboration from me. But I, myself, always preferred sugar ... or at least corn syrup!

 

Tony

[RHommel]

I, myself, always preferred sugar ... or at least corn syrup!

 

Ha! Yes, me too. The process of writing that one was bittersweet... :D

 

A bit more explanation now that most of you have weighed in on this one (and I feel I must again mention that I'm ever so grateful for everyone's comments and have been made to feel right at home here): The tanka challenge I referenced in response to Alek's question on the Rapacious post was issued to me by someone who at one point told me he was in love with me, and no matter how much I wanted to be, I never really was, though I did love him in a different way. Most of the tankas in that series were either a reflection on our nineteen year long friendship/unrequited love affair (from his point of view) or a reflection on my past relationships as I tried to grapple with why I couldn't bring myself to feel differently. I'll let you all decide for yourselves which poem belongs in which category. ;)

 

~Rachel

 

Question: is it helpful for any of you to have these little random biographical notes or do you all just prefer to absorb poetry as stand alone pieces that allow you to experiece them independently? I think I read a post under discussions about that... where is it... ? Hmmm...let me check... aha! There it is! goldenlangur first posted it this past March... Is Biography Mere Voyeurism? Personally, I think biography is indeed voyeuristic, but isn't that what the internet is all about?

 

If anyone cares to respond to that, perhaps we should revive goldenlangur's topic so as not to mess with the board organization... I'm notorious for getting easily sidetracked... you'll see.

[tonyv]

... our nineteen year long friendship/unrequited love affair (from his point of view) ... as I tried to grapple with why I couldn't bring myself to feel differently.

This is a classic story, Rachel -- a tragedy for both. For him, because of his unrequited love and for both because of the strain that revealing the romantic interest, in all likelihood, put on the friendship.

 

Question: is it helpful for any of you to have these little random biographical notes or do you all just prefer to absorb poetry as stand alone pieces that allow you to experiece them independently? I think I read a post under discussions about that... where is it... ? Hmmm...let me check... aha! There it is! goldenlangur first posted it this past March... Is Biography Mere Voyeurism? Personally, I think biography is indeed voyeuristic, but isn't that what the internet is all about?

 

If anyone cares to respond to that, perhaps we should revive goldenlangur's topic so as not to mess with the board organization... I'm notorious for getting easily sidetracked... you'll see.

It's absolutely helpful and, in my opinion, meaningful. Some people are of the school of thought that no one should explain his poem, and that if he does, the poem has failed. I disagree. First of all, you haven't "explained" the poem; you've simply provided relevant (and interesting!) background information. Furthermore, a reader's wanting more information does not necessarily amount to asking that the poet explain a poem. Many times, when I read the work of a favorite poet, I wish I could ask him something more about the poem and its background or about his inspiration, etc. Here, in our little forum, I'm fortunate enough to be able to ask for more ... because I happen to know the poet(s)! :) Either way, with or without additional background information, I still experience every poem independently.

 

Tony

[Tinker]

Hi Rachel, Any discussion a poem might inspire seems appropriate to be in the same thread to me.

 

I don't think a poet should explain the poem unless they are looking for critical input. In that case, an explanation can assist the person providing the critique. But as a reader I love to get background or anecdotal information that will enrich my appreciation of the piece that is not the same as explaining the poem.

 

When reading poetry I usually want to know a little about the time and place the poet wrote the piece and what was possibly happening in the life of the poet and I often will do a simple bio search to see if anything is documented. I will also sometimes look up key words from the poem... even when I think I know what they mean. Words have so many layers. So for me a little background or anecdotes or a note explaining a word choice like "aweigh" are a good thing from the members of this forum since most of us don't have our lives documented on the internet or in books yet. :icon_cool:

 

~~Tink

[goldenlangur]

Hello Rachel,

 

Lovely to meet you. :D

 

How well you play on words here!:

 

sugary spun cotton tales

 

Very effective.

 

 

Thank you.

[RHommel]

How well you play on words here!:

 

Thank you, that made me smile. I'm glad you liked it. Nice to meet you too.

 

~Rachel

[RHommel]

...since most of us don't have our lives documented on the internet or in books yet. :icon_cool:

 

Indeed.

 

And thank you both Tinker & Tony for your comments. It's good for me to hear the difference between explaining a poem and giving a little bio info on what was going on at the time it was written. I love that distinction and I too think it's a critical one in my enjoyment of a selection.

 

Thanks!

 

~Rachel

[tonyv]

I don't think a poet should explain the poem unless they are looking for critical input. In that case, an explanation can assist the person providing the critique. But as a reader I love to get background or anecdotal information that will enrich my appreciation of the piece that is not the same as explaining the poem.

 

Wonderfully expressed. This is what I meant to say. I didn't mean to conflate "anecdotal information" and "explaining a poem."

 

Tony

[RHommel]

I didn't mean to conflate "anecdotal information" and "explaining a poem."

 

You didn't conflate anything at all... you both just said the same thing differently. In any case, I got it. It's all good. :D

 

~Rachel

[dr_con]

I agree with everything said so eloquently by the PMO crowd- really a contradictory pleasure;-)

 

DC&J