badger11 Posted July 28, 2010 Share Posted July 28, 2010 her day so numb until she pricks her thumb so red it must be true beneath this prim and silent cloth there brims a tide of blood and love- and down around beyond as wine unzips it slips the binding ring and free she turns her hand to find the river lines of all she was she was and will no longer be- her thumb so red it must be true. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RHommel Posted July 28, 2010 Share Posted July 28, 2010 (edited) Oooo... and speaking of detached delivery... very nice use of said mechanism. Hi badge, I especially like this metaphor: beneath this primand silent cloth I kept trying to pick out one of the following stanzas over the other and could not choose... I like them both the best, despite the slight deviation from the meter at the beginning of the poem. and down aroundbeyond as wine unzips it slips the binding ring and free she turns her hand to find the river lines of all she was Chilling, in many ways. It feels like a poem about divorce/infidelity. Am I reading that right? ~Rachel Edited July 28, 2010 by RHommel Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Larsen M. Callirhoe Posted July 29, 2010 Share Posted July 29, 2010 Wow badge your spot on using this as a nice way of talking about a couple's plit from a woman's ideology and a man's reasoning. i agree with Rachel. Are we wrong? excellent crisp meter and very direct. thothe title had me scared since im divorced and aweing my senor ladies could i become a gigolo lol. ah well if i was only walking. facebook games wrought the mind but these wonderful women i met there are very independent. loved the poem badge. victor Quote Larsen M. Callirhoe Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lake Posted July 29, 2010 Share Posted July 29, 2010 I am drawn to the meter in this poem, two stresses in each line, is it? Usually, I'm not so sure about the accent because people read it differently, but this time it is pretty clear to me. And this one again is very badger. :icon_sunny: Lake Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tonyv Posted July 29, 2010 Share Posted July 29, 2010 Incredible! Iambic dimeter I have not tried yet myself. There's something stoical and beautiful about the subject. I sense an idealization of her similar to what I get from Frost's "The Silken Tent." Tony Quote Here is a link to an index of my works on this site: tonyv's Member Archive topic Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
badger11 Posted August 2, 2010 Author Share Posted August 2, 2010 Thank you Rachel, Lake, Vic and Tony. Although this is not about Plath, the form is probably influenced by her rather than being an intentional and conscious attempt at verse. cheers badge Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
waxwings Posted August 3, 2010 Share Posted August 3, 2010 (edited) This must be the season for simple, unpretentious and deeply satisfying verse. Beyond the feel of 'this is genuine' I was quite taken by the internal, the not-quite-but-oh-so-close and the almost mirror rhymes. And her 'river lines'. Do I detect a sweet note of sadness? Edited August 3, 2010 by waxwings Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tinker Posted August 3, 2010 Share Posted August 3, 2010 Hi Badger, I can hear the Plath influence thanks to recently having listened to your link in the Plath thread. The cadence and sonics drive this piece. Nice. ~~Tink Quote ~~ © ~~ Poems by Judi Van Gorder ~~ For permission to use this work you can write to Tinker1111@icloud.com Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tonyv Posted August 3, 2010 Share Posted August 3, 2010 Hmmm ... What's this mean? Everyone's talking Plath, and I'm talking "The Silken Tent." :icon_redface: Quote Here is a link to an index of my works on this site: tonyv's Member Archive topic Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tinker Posted August 3, 2010 Share Posted August 3, 2010 It could mean Badger is being compared to some pretty good poets. Plath, Frost hmmmmm. I think conceptually the Frost poem is closer, the imagery, the extended metaphor is evident. But for the tone of it, listening to Plath read her work carries a similar tone. ~~Tink Quote ~~ © ~~ Poems by Judi Van Gorder ~~ For permission to use this work you can write to Tinker1111@icloud.com Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
badger11 Posted August 4, 2010 Author Share Posted August 4, 2010 Many thanks WW, Tink and Tony. Appreciate the positives. So pleased you felt that the 'tone' could be related to her Tink cheers badge Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
goldenlangur Posted August 6, 2010 Share Posted August 6, 2010 Hi badge, That the numbness of her day and self needs an actual physical proof of a bleeding thumb, makes a for a truly poignant effect. You create a sense of her entombment, where the social and more public layerings completely submerge and indeed stiffle her: beneath this primand silent cloth there brims a tide of blood and love- This is such a sensuous detail: her hand to findthe river lines of all she was The juxtaposition of all this unarticulated passion and verve to the numbness of her day and self, is a masterly touch. You manage well to maintain an even keel of melancholy tone and allow the reader to imagine possible scenarios. I think this is one of your best to date, badge. :D Quote goldenlangur Even a single enemy is too many and a thousand friends too few - Bhutanese saying. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
badger11 Posted August 6, 2010 Author Share Posted August 6, 2010 gl I have said this many times, but always worth repeating: your reading, understanding and empathy, reinforce my belief that communication does exist in its most subtle form ie poetry. many thanks my friend badge Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
goldenlangur Posted August 6, 2010 Share Posted August 6, 2010 In all the years that I have read your work, you continue to push boundaries and amaze badge. I have learned much from you. Thank you so much for your warm endorsement of my reviewing efforts. I appreciate it and continue to learn ... Quote goldenlangur Even a single enemy is too many and a thousand friends too few - Bhutanese saying. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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