Into Silence

[goldenlangur]

Tepid tea, strains of conversation.

He sprays the air with his fingers, punctuates opinions.

I half-listen, watch the curdled-milk sky.

Where I may soon be going: voices ... echoes ... silence.

 

Who will he blame?

[RHommel]

Wow. Very powerful.

 

Tepid tea, strains of conversation.

 

the curdled-milk sky.

 

As an avid tea drinker, I love the layers of meaning in this carefully crafted piece... and the ending surprised me; it turned my mood and altered my perception. I like stories that end with a twist and make you rethink your entire experience up to that point. This did that, and then some. Very thought-provoking. Elegant and beautiful.

 

~Rachel

[dr_con]

Another mini-masterpiece which captures ones perception and plays a soft a subtle game. Very, very well done Golden!

 

 

DC&J

[Lake]

Hi Golden,

 

He sprays the air with his fingers, punctuates opinions.

 

This line brings to my mind Guan Yin who sprays pure water with a willow branch from a water jar.

 

Where I may soon be going: voices ... echoes ... silence.

 

This has a feel of contemplative mood and sounds like going into deep meditation.

 

Inspired

Lake

Edited July 31, 2010 by Lake

[waxwings]

Unpretentios, dreamy and subtle. I think Lake has said what I would of those two central images. What I love is the hinting of things unsaid.

 

That is so for the first four lines, because, up to that point, it does not matter who the "he" is for he is there, in the poem, to glue the enchantment together. but that fifth line does not do anything but put me in total darkness, for there is nothing in the poem that anyone could be blamed for, "he" no more than anybody else.

[RHommel]

Upon further reading, I thought I'd share a bit more about how this piece made me feel, because I have been thinking about it for some time now.

 

I really sensed in this piece an observation of someone who is self-absorbed and as yet unaware of the author's necessity to contemplate his own humanity, albeit in a way that somewhat amuses the author but also saddens him. Various scenarios I imagined included: an aging parent observing the folly of youth in a child, a lover with a newly diagnosed life-threatening illness waiting to tell a partner with whom he has been already having disagreements, or an addictions counselor with his patient. Granted, those examples come from my experience with literature and life, but in my mind they seemed to fit.

 

~Rachel

[badger11]

I do enjoy a tea poem gl! Nice how you slipped in the 'curdled milk' too! Even some liquid in 'sprays' as well. A sour rather than civilised occasion. The listener detached, almost passively accepting, though I sense an injustice based on 'opinion' rather fact. Such is the way of 'blame'.

 

excellent

 

badge

Edited August 2, 2010 by badger11

[tonyv]

Some really fine replies here already. I like and agree with them all. I've made my own more profound associations (which I'll keep to myself), but I'll add that this is a very exciting submission. It's very different, Golden, and, as has already been said above, it's multi-layered. I love it.

 

Tony

[waxwings]

Upon further reading, I thought I'd share a bit more about how this piece made me feel, because I have been thinking about it for some time now.

 

I really sensed in this piece an observation of someone who is self-absorbed and as yet unaware of the author's necessity to contemplate his own humanity, albeit in a way that somewhat amuses the author but also saddens him. Various scenarios I imagined included: an aging parent observing the folly of youth in a child, a lover with a newly diagnosed life-threatening illness waiting to tell a partner with whom he has been already having disagreements, or an addictions counselor with his patient. Granted, those examples come from my experience with literature and life, but in my mind they seemed to fit.

 

~Rachel

 

Since I have seen you post many a 'mean' poem yourself, I feel right to ask, why overcerebrate a simple poem that does so well the main things a poem should do: create a mood, a feel and an enjoyment.

 

I hope you find I keep my comments to the technical side of the craft, i.e., good clear, writing and appropriate ro the theme writing. I stay away from interpreting anothers poem as if I had written it.

 

BTW, welcome! I like your attitude but have been a bit more busy than normal and have not yet managed to give credit to your work.

[RHommel]

Since I have seen you post many a 'mean' poem yourself, I feel right to ask, why overcerebrate a simple poem that does so well the main things a poem should do: create a mood, a feel and an enjoyment.

 

I hope you find I keep my comments to the technical side of the craft, i.e., good clear, writing and appropriate ro the theme writing. I stay away from interpreting anothers poem as if I had written it.

 

BTW, welcome! I like your attitude but have been a bit more busy than normal and have not yet managed to give credit to your work.

 

Hi waxwings,

 

In answer to your question as to why overcerebrate... the answer is quite simple: because I overcerebrate everything! Ha! On second thought, I realized I ought to have kept those thoughts to myself, but I am working on my internal prose editor, which has never been all that terrific. Poetry is a different story for me as there are two separate processes I engage for each. Plus, after I've had a chance to absorb a poem on an emotional level I will almost always try to interpret it as if I had written it, but I'll refrain from doing so publicly in the future, as I think you're right to suggest. :icon_cool:

 

Thank you for the compliment. I definitely appreciate your comments and find you to be the "straight shooter" of the bunch, with the majority of your critique right on target.

 

~Rachel

[goldenlangur]

Hi Rachel,

 

I am delighted that the tea references in this are to your tea-drinking taste ;)

 

Thank you for a considered read and also for returning with additional thoughts. It is wonderful when a reader goes beyond the apparent scenario in a piece and imagines alternative readings. Your musing here is uncannily close to what i was trying to evoke:

 

...a lover with a newly diagnosed life-threatening illness waiting to tell a partner with whom he has been already having disagreements,

 

 

With appreciation.

[goldenlangur]

Hi DC,

 

Another mini-masterpiece which captures ones perception and plays a soft a subtle game. Very, very well done Golden!

 

 

DC&J

 

What a generous commendation! As you write with a certain panache and depth, this is most encouraging.

[goldenlangur]

Hi Lake,

 

Thank you for mentioning Guan Yin. This is what I found in Wiki:

 

In China, Guanyin is usually shown in a white flowing robe and usually wears necklaces of Indian/Chinese royalty. In the right hand is a water jar containing pure water, and the left holds a willow branch.

 

Although my intention is not quite as lofty as the symbolism of this Bodhisattva I really love how you've read the imagery.

[goldenlangur]

Unpretentios, dreamy and subtle.

 

So glad, WW. :)

 

That is so for the first four lines, because, up to that point, it does not matter who the "he" is for he is there, in the poem, to glue the enchantment together. but that fifth line does not do anything but put me in total darkness, for there is nothing in the poem that anyone could be blamed for, "he" no more than anybody else.

 

It is interesting how differently this is read. I do like it when the reader gives their own angle to the piece.

 

 

Thank you.

[goldenlangur]

Hi badge,

 

I do enjoy a tea poem gl! Nice how you slipped in the 'curdled milk' too! Even some liquid in 'sprays' as well.

 

I am delighted that you read the tea-allusions and a bit of word play.

 

 

A sour rather than civilised occasion. The listener detached, almost passively accepting, though I sense an injustice based on 'opinion' rather fact. Such is the way of 'blame'.

 

Very true, my friend. You've read it so well.

 

Thank you very much.

[goldenlangur]

... I've made my own more profound associations (which I'll keep to myself),

 

Tony

 

Would you not share a wee bit of this? It would be good to know.

 

but I'll add that this is a very exciting submission. It's very different, Golden, and, as has already been said above, it's multi-layered. I love it.

 

This is praise indeed, Tony.

 

Thank you.

[tonyv]

... I've made my own more profound associations (which I'll keep to myself),

 

Tony

 

Would you not share a wee bit of this? It would be good to know.

 

but I'll add that this is a very exciting submission. It's very different, Golden, and, as has already been said above, it's multi-layered. I love it.

 

This is praise indeed, Tony.

 

Thank you.

I guess Badge expressed best what I get from this when he wrote, "The listener detached, almost passively accepting, though I sense an injustice based on 'opinion' rather fact." I suppose the listener could be a writer, and the one who "punctuates opinions" could be the critic.

 

Tony

[goldenlangur]

I guess Badge expressed best what I get from this when he wrote, "The listener detached, almost passively accepting, though I sense an injustice based on 'opinion' rather fact." I suppose the listener could be a writer, and the one who "punctuates opinions" could be the critic.

 

Tony

 

 

Thank you Tony for returning. I appreciate your reading as it helps me to see what works/does not work. A thoughtful reader adds layers to a poem, that the writer dares not hope for.

 

 

With appreciation.

[Aleksandra]

Nice poem, as always. Goldenlangur, you created very vivid poem, that works as a poem and as a picture.

Many things can be associated with this poem, only one is the real, and let's leave that part for the poet itself :).

I enjoyed this poem.

 

Aleksandra