Bermuda Mouse [R]

[RHommel]

Please forgive me...

 

I guess my language isn't as clean as I had hoped. The only excuse I have is that I spend a lot of time volunteering with street kids. Here's a little anecdotal piece about one named Mouse.

 

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Bermuda Mouse

 

Me and Mouse, we lose stuff

Really… stuff just disappears.

Last time we lost a used tea bag.

It was kind of a bummer.

As anyone who's lived the life

Mouse lives knows,

even without their strings

tea bags are good

for at least three cups of tea.

Well, I know it because I can see.

 

It just vanished.

We looked for a good five minutes

in all the places we could think to look:

under the sugar jar,

under the mug,

even under Mouse's chair.

It wasn't there.

 

Mouse likes card games.

The other week we played

fifty-two pick up.

“Very funny, Mouse,” I said,

but I am staff

and was sort of sore about it

(and therefore acted like a brat),

so I didn't pick them up

even though I probably should have

(for being such a sheltered,

home-schooled idiot

compared to Mouse's street-wise ways).

Mysteriously,

we lost one of the cards that day.

 

We looked everywhere, I swear it.

So this last time

we were just sitting there,

talking about which types of tea

are our favorites

(Mouse likes English Breakfast

and I like Darjeeling)

and playing this new card game

(Egyptian Rat Screw)

that doesn't need

all fifty-two cards to play it,

and Mouse said, all of a sudden,

“Where the fuck is my tea bag?”

 

Like I said, we looked all over

and didn't find it.

We hypothesized about the uses

for a used tea bag

(besides a second cup of tea of course)

and came up with little else

than the astringent properties

of an impromptu compress

for reducing eye puffiness.

Then in unison, we said to each other,

“Who the hell steals a used tea bag?”

and broke into fits of giggles.

 

And then one of us added

(I can't remember who),

“Where did that seven of diamonds

ever go, anyway?”

 

~Rachel J. Hommel

 

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Note: Mouse prefers to be seen as being without gender and does a fine job of presenting as such, so avoiding gender-specific pronouns was a challenge. Mouse's own poetry can be seen here if you are interested. Also, the underlined bit is a link. I didn't know what it was, so I figured I can't be the only one. ;)

[badger11]

hi rachel

 

Fluent, easy to read and so I went with the meandering, but I felt the ending needed more impact, edge, and I cut the 'giggles' since it defuses tension.

 

badge

[RHommel]

hi rachel

 

Fluent, easy to read and so I went with the meandering, but I felt the ending needed more impact, edge, and I cut the 'giggles' since it defuses tension.

 

badge

 

Thanks for your comment, badge. I'm not sure this one deserves enough attention to rewrite it, but it sure was fun to write! It's always interesting to look again at things I've written awhile ago, to see how they look now and how people react to them.

 

Now, I really need to get writing again so I have more stuff to add... hopefully, I can start out in the workshop area and get to it before my classes begin again in September...

 

~Rachel

[badger11]

I'm not sure this one deserves enough attention to rewrite it, but it sure was fun to write

 

I like 'fun' and I like writing for fun too

 

badge

[tonyv]

This Mouse is quite a character, Rachel.:) But this character's amusing, too:

 

“Very funny, Mouse,” I said,

but I am staff

and was sort of sore about it

(and therefore acted like a brat),

so I didn't pick them up ...

I have no love for George "W" Bush, but I thought it was pretty funny when he said, "I'm the decider." It's clear who the decider was on the day of that card "game." :icon_razz:

 

Note: Mouse prefers to be seen as being without gender and does a fine job of presenting as such, so avoiding gender-specific pronouns was a challenge.

And you did a fine job with this. It's no easy feat to write without pronouns. Thanks also for including the link to Mouse's work.

 

Tony

 

 

PS -- I, too, prefer Darjeeling.

[RHommel]

Thanks also for including the link to Mouse's work.

 

Thanks, Tony.

 

I hesitated to add the link, but I remembered that I had asked Mouse if I could share my poem and some of Mouse's work has also been published in our courthouse and also with a project here in Portland that does writer's workshops for disadvantaged youth and adults and publishes their work in an annual volume. I don't look at it very often, because it honestly breaks my heart... but I peek at it every now and then to make sure there is still work being added to it. It gives me hope to know that Mouse is still out there somewhere. A couple of my kids have blogs of writing/musings/poetry and I follow as many of them as I have information for. I've featured their work in my own philanthropic projects as often as possible. It's nice for me to know that other people might get to read their work... the nihilism in the business of poverty is hard to fight.

 

~Rachel

[Larsen M. Callirhoe]

i absouletely loved i. interesting choice of not using pronouns. i use them often to flow but you flowed magnificently without them lol.

 

i wouldnt change a thing. i think it is perfect and giggles lightened the tension and seriousness in your work.

 

i had a vision that soon my writings will be world known makes ya wonder women worshipping my love poetry i know many men would call my work below average but he merits being worthy greatness with work lol.

 

victor

[RHommel]

i absouletely loved i. interesting choice of not using pronouns. i use them often to flow but you flowed magnificently without them lol.

 

i wouldnt change a thing. i think it is perfect and giggles lightened the tension and seriousness in your work.

 

i had a vision that soon my writings will be world known makes ya wonder women worshipping my love poetry i know many men would call my work below average but he merits being worthy greatness with work lol.

 

victor

 

Thanks, Victor.

 

I have no doubt that you will be world known. No doubt at all. :)

 

Rachel