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Hearth


summayya
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Hearth

 

Waiting for the sun

like an old man

counting death’s footsteps

 

my breath stinks

and those

to whom I have been

(or perhaps

I am) dear,

sleep.

 

Their warm bodies

give out life, which bounds itself

around the sides of their eyes;

those smile.

 

Outside

the frost trodden grass

is black.

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Aleksandra

Summayya so nice to read your poetry again. I love it the firs expression

Waiting for the sun

like an old man

counting death’s footsteps

 

That gives some sad and nostalgic feelings.

 

And after that expression all the others goes so well, so successive

 

Thank you very much for sharing your poems.

 

Aleksandra

The poet is a liar who always speaks the truth - Jean Cocteau

History of Macedonia

 

 

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goldenlangur

Hello summayya,

 

Again a sense of disjuncture in this poem - the person feels out of sync with the natural cycle - the life and light enhancing "sun" symbolizes death and foreboding and as does the person's own body - " my breath stinks" and while the person is awake to these dark thoughts, the rest of the house sleeps - isolation and loneliness - a distancing from the people one loves and one's surroundings.

 

Perhaps the "black" imprint on the frosted grass presages more shadows to come.

 

 

It's unresolved closing lines give this poem a haunting quality.

 

goldenlangur

goldenlangur

 

 

Even a single enemy is too many and a thousand friends too few - Bhutanese saying.

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Hi summayya, I really like this poem. The opening lines are strong. I get a little confused in the 2nd strophe, I am unsure anything other than "your breath stinks" the rest of that section I don't understand. I will come back to it tomorrow, it is late and maybe my brain just can't handle anymore tonight.

 

I think you meant "binds itself" in the 3rd strophe.

 

I am sorry it took so long for me to get around to reading this.

 

~~Tink

~~ © ~~ Poems by Judi Van Gorder ~~

For permission to use this work you can write to Tinker1111@icloud.com

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Hello everyone,

 

I am glad you liked those lines Alek. thank you very much for the nice words. icon_smile.gif

 

I value your readings very much, GL. It is a gift to have perceptive and amazing readers like you around. Many many thanks!

 

The "bounds" and "binds" issue was raised by others as well, Tink. I will look into it .... thank you very much for reading and commenting. You know how much I value your comments. You are my teacher icon_cool.gificon_sunny.pngicon_smile.gif

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I like how the uncertainty experienced by the narrator is juxtaposed with the obliviousness of those asleep around her:

my breath stinks

and those

to whom I have been

(or perhaps

I am) dear,

sleep.

 

Their warm bodies

give out life, which bounds itself

around the sides of their eyes;

those smile..

Love this image, too:

Outside

the frost trodden grass

is black.

Well done, Summayya!

 

Tony

Here is a link to an index of my works on this site: tonyv's Member Archive topic

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