summayya Posted May 10, 2009 Share Posted May 10, 2009 Hearth Waiting for the sun like an old man counting death’s footsteps my breath stinks and those to whom I have been (or perhaps I am) dear, sleep. Their warm bodies give out life, which bounds itself around the sides of their eyes; those smile. Outside the frost trodden grass is black. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Aleksandra Posted May 10, 2009 Share Posted May 10, 2009 Summayya so nice to read your poetry again. I love it the firs expression Waiting for the sun like an old man counting death’s footsteps That gives some sad and nostalgic feelings. And after that expression all the others goes so well, so successive Thank you very much for sharing your poems. Aleksandra Quote The poet is a liar who always speaks the truth - Jean Cocteau History of Macedonia Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
goldenlangur Posted May 10, 2009 Share Posted May 10, 2009 Hello summayya, Again a sense of disjuncture in this poem - the person feels out of sync with the natural cycle - the life and light enhancing "sun" symbolizes death and foreboding and as does the person's own body - " my breath stinks" and while the person is awake to these dark thoughts, the rest of the house sleeps - isolation and loneliness - a distancing from the people one loves and one's surroundings. Perhaps the "black" imprint on the frosted grass presages more shadows to come. It's unresolved closing lines give this poem a haunting quality. goldenlangur Quote goldenlangur Even a single enemy is too many and a thousand friends too few - Bhutanese saying. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tinker Posted May 10, 2009 Share Posted May 10, 2009 Hi summayya, I really like this poem. The opening lines are strong. I get a little confused in the 2nd strophe, I am unsure anything other than "your breath stinks" the rest of that section I don't understand. I will come back to it tomorrow, it is late and maybe my brain just can't handle anymore tonight. I think you meant "binds itself" in the 3rd strophe. I am sorry it took so long for me to get around to reading this. ~~Tink Quote ~~ © ~~ Poems by Judi Van Gorder ~~ For permission to use this work you can write to Tinker1111@icloud.com Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
summayya Posted May 10, 2009 Author Share Posted May 10, 2009 Hello everyone, I am glad you liked those lines Alek. thank you very much for the nice words. I value your readings very much, GL. It is a gift to have perceptive and amazing readers like you around. Many many thanks! The "bounds" and "binds" issue was raised by others as well, Tink. I will look into it .... thank you very much for reading and commenting. You know how much I value your comments. You are my teacher Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tonyv Posted May 10, 2009 Share Posted May 10, 2009 I like how the uncertainty experienced by the narrator is juxtaposed with the obliviousness of those asleep around her: my breath stinksand those to whom I have been (or perhaps I am) dear, sleep. Their warm bodies give out life, which bounds itself around the sides of their eyes; those smile.. Love this image, too: Outsidethe frost trodden grass is black. Well done, Summayya! Tony Quote Here is a link to an index of my works on this site: tonyv's Member Archive topic Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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