douglas Posted September 17, 2010 Share Posted September 17, 2010 people everywhere smoke laughter music lust your gray eyes your blonde hair a flashback from the '80's an alternative persona tight jeans a loose neon vest captivating enchanting seductive but i acted nonchalant pretending that i hadn't noticed then your voice sounding strangely familiar and the sickly sweet shots you bought for us at the bar closer your body closer your lips closer your hand guiding me through the darkness you took me home spellbound vodka cranberry juice joints vodka and you in your place sexy stylish complex and our clothes all over the floor your hot hands all over my skin your passion inside of me later and you're telling me something three little words but not the three one would expect you foolish boy you selfish boy i deserved to be informed to have a choice before we had sex gathering up my clothes and my dignity and walking out of the door the sunlight breaks the spell of you bringing me back in to reality and i remember that i walk in grace Quote To receive love, you have to give it... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rumisong Posted September 18, 2010 Share Posted September 18, 2010 laterand you're telling me something three little words but not the three one would expect you foolish boy you selfish boy wow, how terribly powerful, this- the pacing is perfect for the message- the short lines, the repetition where it is, just perfect! and then this sort of irony here, that these are not the "three words" that were spoken, but to have three words now inside the readers head in their place... really amazing work thank you Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dr_con Posted September 18, 2010 Share Posted September 18, 2010 Douglas, A wonderful reflection on life and living- I really appreciate the last line, which to my mind pulls together the whole piece- May you walk in grace always even when life's lessons are a bit hard to swallow... Excellent! DC&J Quote thegateless.org Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tonyv Posted September 18, 2010 Share Posted September 18, 2010 I agree with RS and the Dr., Douglas. The poem and its revelation are perfectly timed and give the reader pause. I always enjoy your cosmopolitan, lyrical works, and this one's very uptown. Tony Quote Here is a link to an index of my works on this site: tonyv's Member Archive topic Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
douglas Posted September 21, 2010 Author Share Posted September 21, 2010 laterand you're telling me something three little words but not the three one would expect you foolish boy you selfish boy wow, how terribly powerful, this- the pacing is perfect for the message- the short lines, the repetition where it is, just perfect! and then this sort of irony here, that these are not the "three words" that were spoken, but to have three words now inside the readers head in their place... really amazing work thank you and thank you rumisong for the lovely feedback. i am happy that you got so much out of this piece. i really enjoyed crafting it and it's great that you 'got' it! d Quote To receive love, you have to give it... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
douglas Posted September 21, 2010 Author Share Posted September 21, 2010 Douglas, A wonderful reflection on life and living- I really appreciate the last line, which to my mind pulls together the whole piece- May you walk in grace always even when life's lessons are a bit hard to swallow... Excellent! DC&J thank you dr! yes, life's lessons can be very tough and unexpected - but that's how we learn. and, i always manage to transmute the shock or pain in to creativity (poetry) which helps a lot on many levels. your compliments are very generous! thank you. Quote To receive love, you have to give it... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
douglas Posted September 21, 2010 Author Share Posted September 21, 2010 I agree with RS and the Dr., Douglas. The poem and its revelation are perfectly timed and give the reader pause. I always enjoy your cosmopolitan, lyrical works, and this one's very uptown. Tony thanks tony! yeah, an uptown downer! LOL! thanks for your words, always cherished... Quote To receive love, you have to give it... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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