Jump to content
Poetry Magnum Opus

Recommended Posts

Posted

I've heard it happens right before you die.
The living kindly look you in the eye.
And no one even minds if you are late
to pay the freight. This once, they let you skate.

  • Haha 1

Here is a link to an index of my works on this site: tonyv's Member Archive topic

Frank E Gibbard
Posted

Mordant but not mawkish, witty leavened with piquant dash of pithy humour. Great use of epigramatic style, justified brevity, and so true.

Posted

I like it

I have no doubt the brevity is justified

still,

I find I wanted 2x4 more lines

 

I like it

Posted
Mordant but not mawkish, witty leavened with piquant dash of pithy humour. Great use of epigramatic style, justified brevity, and so true.

Thanks, Frank, for the kind observations. I'm not a big fan of the epigram, but it just materialized that way.

 

Tony

Here is a link to an index of my works on this site: tonyv's Member Archive topic

Posted
I like it

I have no doubt the brevity is justified

still,

I find I wanted 2x4 more lines

 

I like it

And thank you, Rumisong. I hear what you're saying how some more lines might be nice. Ordinarily I would have preferred to write a slightly longer poem, but I guess I was just a bit lazy. :icon_redface:

 

Tony

Here is a link to an index of my works on this site: tonyv's Member Archive topic

Posted

Always respect for the dead even if there is less time given to the living!

 

badge

Posted

I like how tony came in strong with the first two lines. Though there could be cultural barrier here, I didn't get the 'freight' thing.

"Words are not things, and yet they are not non-things either." - Ann Lauterbach

Posted

I agree with Franks' epigrammatic style, the rhyme adds weight to it.

I get a feel of forgiving the dead and it reminds me of a saving :

Birds cry plaintively before they die, men speak kindly in the presence of death.

 

 

Lake

Posted
Always respect for the dead even if there is less time given to the living!

 

badge

Seems so, Badge, but this one's coming from a dead man walking. Thanks for having a look.

 

Tony :D

Here is a link to an index of my works on this site: tonyv's Member Archive topic

Posted
I like how tony came in strong with the first two lines. Though there could be cultural barrier here, I didn't get the 'freight' thing.

Sorry for colloquialism, Joel. "Pay the freight" is an idiom that means "cover the expenses" of something. It's pretty specific, but I'm using it kind of generally to mean pay for various things and unpaid bills. Thanks for taking a look.

 

Tony

Here is a link to an index of my works on this site: tonyv's Member Archive topic

Posted
I agree with Franks' epigrammatic style, the rhyme adds weight to it.

I get a feel of forgiving the dead and it reminds me of a saving :

Birds cry plaintively before they die, men speak kindly in the presence of death.

 

 

Lake

Thanks, Lake. I like the quote. There's truth in it.

 

Tony

Here is a link to an index of my works on this site: tonyv's Member Archive topic

  • 3 weeks later...
Posted
I've heard it happens right before you die.

The living kindly look you in the eye.

And no one even minds if you are late

to pay the freight. For once, they let you skate.

 

I found irony in this poem, Tony. Even the title is sticky, besides ironical. I like how you created a scenario behind your words.

It's interesting when it's ok to skate for once :). But I would say is much more in this poem than the narrator speaks out loud.

 

I don't think so that this can happen to a dead man walking - or you refer to the movie?! :).

 

Nice composed, with some unusual tone from you. And it's good to see you in this kind of light, a bit different than your usual.

 

Thank you for sharing this poem.

 

Aleksandra

The poet is a liar who always speaks the truth - Jean Cocteau

History of Macedonia

 

 

Posted
I don't think so that this can happen to a dead man walking ...

Well, it's supposed to be coming from the vantage point of someone who is about to die, hence the expression "dead man walking." And it's interesting that you found the tone of the poem unusual for me. We'll have to explore that notion a bit more! Thank you.

 

Tony

Here is a link to an index of my works on this site: tonyv's Member Archive topic

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.
Note: Your post will require moderator approval before it will be visible.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

×
×
  • Create New...

Important Information

By using this site, you agree to our Guidelines.