badger11 Posted September 23, 2010 Share Posted September 23, 2010 (edited) Rumours whisper within the breeze, rippling the twisted tree, slicing open the apple core; promises to break the speckled skin, spilling the yolk across the starry sky to morning light, cascading seed that hums a theme so warm with summer rain that falls beyond Adam's scented garden. Edited September 27, 2010 by badger11 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JoelJosol Posted September 23, 2010 Share Posted September 23, 2010 What I like in this poem? Its enjambment, how badger breaks up the thought within the line, and its internal rhyming. Quote "Words are not things, and yet they are not non-things either." - Ann Lauterbach Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lake Posted September 23, 2010 Share Posted September 23, 2010 It's the enigmatic reference to "garden", "apple core" and "his stain" that attract me. I like "that hums a theme." A land thirty for rain. Best, Lake Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
badger11 Posted September 24, 2010 Author Share Posted September 24, 2010 What I like in this poem? Its enjambment, how badger breaks up the thought within the line, and its internal rhyming. Thank you JJ. Form is after all my reason for writing. badge Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
badger11 Posted September 24, 2010 Author Share Posted September 24, 2010 It's the enigmatic reference to "garden", "apple core" and "his stain" that attract me. I like "that hums a theme." A land thirsty for rain. Best, Lake Thanks Lake. Pleased you found the religious imagery a hook. badge Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tonyv Posted September 25, 2010 Share Posted September 25, 2010 There's something regionally unique about your lyrics that's nevertheless without bounds, Badge. There's the recurring theme of two, in nature, presumably held in check by certain rules, on an honor system, yet freed by the laws of nature, as if on a temporary reprieve. I do wish you would tell about your PLACE Tony Quote Here is a link to an index of my works on this site: tonyv's Member Archive topic Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
badger11 Posted September 27, 2010 Author Share Posted September 27, 2010 Thanks Tony. Still messing around with this one, though rule breaking is always a fav. theme! badge Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tonyv Posted September 28, 2010 Share Posted September 28, 2010 I wanted to mention that I detected an Adam and Eve theme before you even did your edits, but I didn't want to be presumptuous. What I was going to say was that I got a sense of Adam and Eve in the Garden before God confronted them and asked Adam how he knew he was naked. I'm not sure what the time frame was in the Biblical story, but I felt your poem focused on those moments in a "time stands still" kind of way. As I mentioned in my previous comment, I sensed the time was like a reprieve, almost carefree. Tony Quote Here is a link to an index of my works on this site: tonyv's Member Archive topic Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
badger11 Posted October 1, 2010 Author Share Posted October 1, 2010 I wanted to mention that I detected an Adam and Eve theme before you even did your edits, but I didn't want to be presumptuous. What I was going to say was that I got a sense of Adam and Eve in the Garden before God confronted them and asked Adam how he knew he was naked. I'm not sure what the time frame was in the Biblical story, but I felt your poem focused on those moments in a "time stands still" kind of way. As I mentioned in my previous comment, I sensed the time was like a reprieve, almost carefree. Tony Please presume as much as you need Tony. It helps me. Thanks again for leaving your comments. badge Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tinker Posted October 2, 2010 Share Posted October 2, 2010 Rumours whisper within the breeze,rippling the twisted tree, slicing open the apple core; promises to break the speckled skin, spilling the yolk across the starry sky to morning light, cascading seed that hums a theme so warm with summer rain that falls beyond Adam's scented garden. Hi Badge, This poem is so rich in sound and sight and content that I read it several times savoring its wholeness before looking closely at its individual components. I love its compact core, primarily an 8 X 8 poem with 2 minor diversions which give it texture. The alliteration, internal rhyme, enjambed lines all skillfully move the reader on to its conclusion. It is tight and clean and musical. Not much more one could ask for. ~~Tink Quote ~~ © ~~ Poems by Judi Van Gorder ~~ For permission to use this work you can write to Tinker1111@icloud.com Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
badger11 Posted October 2, 2010 Author Share Posted October 2, 2010 Rumours whisper within the breeze,rippling the twisted tree, slicing open the apple core; promises to break the speckled skin, spilling the yolk across the starry sky to morning light, cascading seed that hums a theme so warm with summer rain that falls beyond Adam's scented garden. Hi Badge, This poem is so rich in sound and sight and content that I read it several times savoring its wholeness before looking closely at its individual components. I love its compact core, primarily an 8 X 8 poem with 2 minor diversions which give it texture. The alliteration, internal rhyme, enjambed lines all skillfully move the reader on to its conclusion. It is tight and clean and musical. Not much more one could ask for. ~~Tink Thanks Tink. I'm still clustering my sound patterns too closely, but practice will hopefully bring more subtle attempts. badge Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Aleksandra Posted October 9, 2010 Share Posted October 9, 2010 As far I am from the form itself, that close I am to the poem naked, without knowing about the form inside. I loved this poem badge, and I think is one of your best. It has everything that a poem should have, sound, feelings, even it has a face. It's a wonderful poetical composition. Well done. Aleksandra Quote The poet is a liar who always speaks the truth - Jean Cocteau History of Macedonia Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
badger11 Posted October 9, 2010 Author Share Posted October 9, 2010 As far I am from the form itself, that close I am to the poem naked, without knowing about the form inside. I loved this poem badge, and I think is one of your best. It has everything that a poem should have, sound, feelings, even it has a face. It's a wonderful poetical composition. Well done. Aleksandra Aleks you speak from the heart and I can feel your response from so far away... badge Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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