tonyv Posted October 14, 2010 Share Posted October 14, 2010 No longer can I lump this lovers' load. Could it be time to whet the knife? The dark knows well that I must scour this winding road, cold highlands and the raw lowlands, the stark reminders of her crying, angry skin. I cannot even nurse her back to health. For she is now, no end to my chagrin, an artifact placed high upon a shelf without her other, destitute of self. ________________BOOK OF BLOOD Quote Here is a link to an index of my works on this site: tonyv's Member Archive topic Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Aleksandra Posted October 15, 2010 Share Posted October 15, 2010 Hi, Tony. First the "Book of Blood" is not familiar to me. I have never seen it. But your poem is something that I could pick out even in a hundred poems by others. This viewing of yours is expressed very well and very poetically. I don't know how well this poem matches up to the movie, but as a poem itself it works in the best way. I remember how at first the poem was quite different, but you never stay on the very first point when you write. With your ability for writing and thinking, you could even make a few different poems from one selection of raw material Tony. Are you aware of that? . If I were you, I would have made a series out of one selection of your raw material. Ok I can talk about this, because I happen to have been honored to see your raw material on this and some other poems. highlands/lowlands is very tactical, and the second stanza is remarkable. A good one, again. Aleksandra Quote The poet is a liar who always speaks the truth - Jean Cocteau History of Macedonia Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Aleksandra Posted October 15, 2010 Share Posted October 15, 2010 Now, when I know the story about this movie, the poem gets even better. I can't believe how precisely you wrote this poem, and how you adapted it from the movie, resulting in a totally new creation. Thank you, Tony. Thank you very much for sharing your way of drawing poetry, even from a movie, in such a perfect way. I am excited to read this again :). Aleksandra Quote The poet is a liar who always speaks the truth - Jean Cocteau History of Macedonia Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dedalus Posted October 16, 2010 Share Posted October 16, 2010 (edited) A lovely measured poem (I'm waiting to hear the formal name of the ryming scheme ... a b a b c, d c d d: although written in nine lines it doesn't take the form of a Rainis) -- on a less than lovely topic! Very accomplished, Tony. Clive Barker, scratching his head, would probably need to have it explained to him .... Edited October 16, 2010 by dedalus Quote Drown your sorrows in drink, by all means, but the real sorrows can swim Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tonyv Posted October 16, 2010 Author Share Posted October 16, 2010 Thank you, Alek, for your kind remarks. You know it sat in the queue for a long time. Thanks for convincing me not to scrap it and for encouraging me to finish it. Tony Quote Here is a link to an index of my works on this site: tonyv's Member Archive topic Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tonyv Posted October 16, 2010 Author Share Posted October 16, 2010 And thank you, Brendan, for your observations. The funny thing is, the whole time since I posted this, I thought I had written a Rainis sonnet. I set out to write a Rainis sonnet, but when I came here to make my replies, I realized that, though I've closely mimicked the form, I used too many rhymes! :icon_redface: My bona fide Rainis sonnets include JUNK, ANTHONY'S CHARCOAL PIT, and THE ULTRAMONTANE. This poem started out as fourteen lines, five of which I scrapped to come up with this. I suppose I've ended up with sort of a quasi Rainis sonnet. In any case, I'm glad you liked it! Tony Quote Here is a link to an index of my works on this site: tonyv's Member Archive topic Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Aleksandra Posted October 17, 2010 Share Posted October 17, 2010 Thank you, Alek, for your kind remarks. You know it sat in the queue for a long time. Thanks for convincing me not to scrap it and for encouraging me to finish it. Tony Not at all, Tony :) . It's my pleasure if I get the credit for the survival of this poem :) , and that this poem got the light and saw its morning ;) . I'll save more of your poetry, that stays lonely and forgotten by its author :icon_eek: . Quote The poet is a liar who always speaks the truth - Jean Cocteau History of Macedonia Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dr_con Posted October 25, 2010 Share Posted October 25, 2010 Tony, I do love mr. barker, but less for his 'blood' work than his speculative fiction like Weave World etc. Although the poem did inspire me to put it on our netflix Que! ;-) We shall see it might be fun, but the poem was lovely and appropriate for this time of year;-) Many Thanks! DC&J Quote thegateless.org Come on over and check out my poetry substack y'all;-) Or if your bored, head to the Zazzle store: https://www.zazzle.com/store/gateless. If you buy anything I lose a bet, so consider that before you violate the digital rules. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tonyv Posted October 27, 2010 Author Share Posted October 27, 2010 Thanks, Juris! I didn't even consider the timing, but it does seem appropriate. :) Tony Quote Here is a link to an index of my works on this site: tonyv's Member Archive topic Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tinker Posted October 27, 2010 Share Posted October 27, 2010 Hi Tony, I don't know the movie but I am thrilled to see someone take inspiration from a movie or book and run with it. Whatever inspired this, it put chills up my spine. The riding rhyme seems to move the poem along smoothing out the rhythm of the lines and making it all the more creepy. I love it. Even with the expanded rhyme, I would call this a Rainis Sonnet if I had to put it in a box. The beauty is, the form compliments the content whether 3 rhymes or 4 or 5. ~~Tink Quote ~~ © ~~ Poems by Judi Van Gorder ~~ For permission to use this work you can write to Tinker1111@icloud.com Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
goldenlangur Posted October 28, 2010 Share Posted October 28, 2010 Hi Tony, As ever, your work surprises and delights in equal measure. Love this line: ... the starkreminders of her crying, angry skin. Thank you for the link. Your poem succeeds in giving a human face to its macabre motif. _____________ Quote goldenlangur Even a single enemy is too many and a thousand friends too few - Bhutanese saying. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tonyv Posted October 29, 2010 Author Share Posted October 29, 2010 Hi Tony, I don't know the movie but I am thrilled to see someone take inspiration from a movie or book and run with it. Thank you, Tinker. I've seen you do it at least once, probably more than once, and I'm glad I was able to pull it off. Even with the expanded rhyme, I would call this a Rainis Sonnet if I had to put it in a box. The beauty is, the form compliments the content whether 3 rhymes or 4 or 5. And this is encouraging. I've often thought I'd written a sonnet only to discover in the end that the product only had thirteen lines. Then I'd start a mad dash to fix it, because a few times I'd even posted it already, lol. Tony Quote Here is a link to an index of my works on this site: tonyv's Member Archive topic Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tonyv Posted October 29, 2010 Author Share Posted October 29, 2010 Hi Tony, As ever, your work surprises and delights in equal measure. Love this line: ... the starkreminders of her crying, angry skin. Thanks, Goldenlangur. I like that line, too. They're few and far between for me, but once in awhile I'll surprise even myself. Tony Quote Here is a link to an index of my works on this site: tonyv's Member Archive topic Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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