JoelJosol Posted October 18, 2010 Share Posted October 18, 2010 (edited) Her finger met the steam half-way, as it plunges into the cup. It could break an ear drum, the shrill bouncing off the walls. Edited October 19, 2010 by JoelJosol Quote "Words are not things, and yet they are not non-things either." - Ann Lauterbach Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tonyv Posted October 20, 2010 Share Posted October 20, 2010 Remarkably vivid, Joel. Been there, done that. I didn't scream, but I wanted to. Tony Quote Here is a link to an index of my works on this site: tonyv's Member Archive topic Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Aleksandra Posted October 20, 2010 Share Posted October 20, 2010 Joel, this is very nice poem. I am reading it and wondering about the metaphor and what could it be?! The title makes me think even more. I love poetry that doesn't let the readers to go away from the poem so easily. Nice work. Aleksandra Quote The poet is a liar who always speaks the truth - Jean Cocteau History of Macedonia Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
waxwings Posted October 20, 2010 Share Posted October 20, 2010 I must presume you are limning the case of ones getting hot coffe on your finger while filling a cup and the scream of surprise that follows. I like how you phrase it, but even though I prefer the relatively shorter poem, I could almost wish this was a bit longer. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
douglas Posted October 21, 2010 Share Posted October 21, 2010 great! that pain, that shock - so well expressed. to me it alludes also to inner pain and emotion, as well as the literal action and subsequent pain. very cool - pardon the pun! Quote To receive love, you have to give it... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lake Posted October 21, 2010 Share Posted October 21, 2010 Very acute depiction, Joel. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JoelJosol Posted October 23, 2010 Author Share Posted October 23, 2010 Thanks, guys. It started out as a several stanza poem. After pruning it, I was left with just this. I am glad it survived as a poem :-) Quote "Words are not things, and yet they are not non-things either." - Ann Lauterbach Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tinker Posted October 23, 2010 Share Posted October 23, 2010 Her finger met the steam half-way,as it plunges into the cup. It could break an ear drum, the shrill bouncing off the walls. Hi Joel, A vivid example of how less is more. This short piece has all of the elements. Nothing more needs to be said. Great. ~~Tink Quote ~~ © ~~ Poems by Judi Van Gorder ~~ For permission to use this work you can write to Tinker1111@icloud.com Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Frank E Gibbard Posted October 23, 2010 Share Posted October 23, 2010 Ouch! Joel, you said eloquently as did the recipient of pain, a neat quipette. Frank. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dr_con Posted October 24, 2010 Share Posted October 24, 2010 Great, painful read JJ- very well executed! DC&J Quote thegateless.org Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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